LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 



§^p i0|a|ng^ Ifxt. 

Shelf .5!KiI..-3 d 

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 




Almon Trask Allis, 



Uncle Alvin 



At Home and Abroad 






BY y^ 

ALA\ON TRASK ALLIS 



AUGr^ 1895 



(ff Wji-^l 



PUBLISHED rOR THE AUTHOR 
1895 



N 



Copyright, 1895, 
By a. T. A1.1.1S. 



THE TIMES ASSOCIATION, 

PRINTERS AND BOOKBINDERS, 

HORNELLSVILLE, N. Y. 



DEDICATION. 

To every patriot, who loves his country better than 
his party ; to every mother, who loves her home and 
children better than all else but her honor ; to every 
christian, who loves the kingdom of Jesus Christ 
better than his own indolent ease ; to every member 
of the world's W. C. T. U., who are struggling so 
nobly and against such unequal odds for the uplifting 
of their own sex, not only, but are rendering such 
signal service to the cause of moral reform throughout 
the world, is this little volume most respectfully 
dedicated. 



PRErACE. 

fSEND forth this child of my musing with some- 
thing the feeling which I imagine a parent must 
feel when the son or daughter leaves the roof-tree to 
make their way in the world for themselves, knowing 
little what reception the world will accord it. 

Yet I think I feel less solicitude concerning it than 
a parent would for their child, under like circum- 
stance ; and, for this reason, if the world turn coldly 
upon it, neither this offspring nor myself will suffer 
by it. 

I have written the greater portion of this volume 
under the pressure of strong conviction. As long as 
the conditions remain which called out these utter- 
ances, so long will these voices ring, even if the world 
does not hear. If they shall accomplish little in the 
way of bringing about a better condition of things, 
they will at least register my unqualified protest. I 
send them forth without apology. 

The fact that many of them seem to have a some- 
what local importance and application can hardly be 
charged as an element for criticism ; for, while that is 
true, it is also true that there can scarcely be found a 
large town or city where similar or worse conditions 
do not exist. What seems, therefore, to be local 



lO PREF'ACK. 

needs only a slight effort of imagination to transfer 
the field into any other place, to be as applicable and 
pertinent as if writ'tcn from that standpoint. 

I do not do as most authors are doing with their 
maiden literary efforts, crave the indulgence of the 
public ; I do not even crave that of my critics : the 
one thing I ask is fairness. 

Neither do I appeal for the co-operation of my 
friends. The cause of humanity and religion and 
good government are broader and higher than mere 
individual interests ; and if this work can contribute, 
in any sense, to either, I shall feel amply compen- 
sated ; but mere personal favors are not to be consid- 
ered. Those who believe as I believe, and feel as I 
feel, will need no other incentive than that which has 
actuated me in writing, to further the circulation of 
this little work, for the sake of what it aims to do, 
just in proportion as they think its circulation will 
minister to that end. 

The writer believes that there is patriotism enough 
in this nation, and virtue enough in the citizenship, 
when it is once aroused, to strike down with relent- 
less hands the perils which threaten ; but he also 
believes that our greatest perils are from our moral 
inertia, our fancied security in the presence of real 
danger. Just how to arouse the thought and patriot- 
ism of the masses, or what shall be the agency by 
which it shall be done, is quite another thing. 

What I have here written has not been written in 
any spirit of bitterness or egotism, but I have tried to 



PREFACE. 1 1 

do some real uncovering. And it can hardly be that 
any reader shall follow me through this little volume 
without a tolerably fair understanding of things as I 
see them. That others shall see them with my eyes 
I hardly expect. Yet it will rarely occur that one 
can read this volume from start to finish and not 
receive some of the spirit which has been so mani- 
festly the "inspiration" of the author's work. 

I wish here to publicly acknowledge my lasting 
obligation to many of my fellow citizens for their 
generous faith in this enterprise, by giving their sub- 
scriptions for the work before.it was sent to the 
printer, thus helping to make the venture possible, as 
it otherwise would not have been, certainly not until 
a later date. My sincere hope is that all such shall 
not find the finished work which they have helped to 
forward a disappointment. 

I have used plain speech : I see no occasion for any 
other. Mincing matters of public morals brings 
forth no fruit. False modesty, which dares not call 
things by their real names, has no part in a moral 
reform. People who are so fastidious as to be shocked 
by the reading of plain truths may live to be worse 
shocked by having the steel of relentless facts enter 
their own souls. Possibly such may turn away from 
perusing these lines ; if so, it is well. My messages 
are to earnest souls, who live to help their fellow men, 
though it must needs take them into unpleasant con- 
ditions, and face even repulsive facts. 

There is never a sensation of pleasure in a sur- 



1 2 PREFACE. 

geon's probe, but his usefulness would be greatly 
hindered without it, and the life of many a patient 
might pay the forfeit of his lack. So the probing of 
moral deep-seated abscesses are anything but agree- 
able, but who does not see the necessity ? 

Shutting our eyes to any conditions does not prove 
that those conditions do not exist ; it rather proves 
our blindness or imbecility. No man is so much a 
coward as he who refuses to look existing things 
squarely in the face. And so I send forth this little 
volume with the faith that the intelligent public will, 
at least, approve its object. 

I may say, incidentally, that I have sufficient ma- 
terial already on hand for a second volume, but 
whether it shall ever appear will depend on the recep- 
tion accorded this. 

Respectfully, 

Almon Trask Allis. 

Hornellsville, N. Y. 



CONTENTS. 



A Church Motto 


• 279 


A Fragment 


301 


A Knotty Question 


. 242 


A Little Hoggish . 


105 


A Strange Combine 


• 83 


Build Upward 


274 


Centennial Anniversary 


• 254 


Co-operative . . . 


211 


Darning Stockings 


. 300 


Dedication of a Church Organ 


33 


Dogs in the Manger 


• 213 


Folded Hands 


315 


Good for the Blues 


• 275 


Grow Bone 


307 


How It Pays 


• 245 


How Uncle Alvin Lost His Whiskers 


135 


If I Were You 


. 221 


If We Knew 


303 


In Memoriam, Mrs. Dr. Bullock 


. 225 


Is It Fair? 


243 


It Is Better 


246 


Ladies' Entrance, . 


207 


"Of Course" . 


. 304 


Old Jack on a Spree 


223 



14 CONTENTS. 

Old Jack, the Artist .... 239 

Old School Temperance . . . 142 
Once More ..... 309 

Pat Ragan's Reply . . . 27 

Perhaps ... . . . 248 

Pertinent Questions . . . 262 

" Plenty of Beer on the Ground" . . 278 

Political Equality ... 86 

Shall Women Vote ? . . . .231 

Shovel Out .... 237 

Sing ! Sing ! Sing ! . . . . 252 

Skating on the Canacadea. . . 282 
Suppose ..... 250 

That Revenue . . . . 233 

The Bishop's Prayer . . . .89 

The " Cellar Door " Variety . . 218 

The Choir's New " Fad " . . .109 

The Christian's Weather Gauge . . 198 

The Last Assessment . . . .108 

The New Gospel .... 305 

The New Soprano . . . .21 

The Preacher's Reminiscence . . 293 

The Singer and the Song . . .318 

The Way Out . . . . 229 

Three Minutes Late . . . ,227 

Tit-For-Tat . . . . 17 

Uncle Alvin and the Street Cars . . 45 

Uncle Alvin At Niagara . . . 112 

Uncle Alvin Comes to the Fair . . 47 

Uncle Alvin Crackin' Nuts , , 259 



CONTENTS. 15 

Uncle Alvin Goes to Hear a Great Singer 202 

Uncle Alvin Inside the Fair . . .52 

Uncle Alvin On the Situation . . 36 

Uncle Alvin On Sunday Excursions . .196 

Uncle Alvin To the Boys . . . 71 

Uncle Alvin' s Trip to Kansas . . .149 

We're All In It . . . . 276 

"What Was Wesley's Idea in Organizing the 

Class System ?" . . . 284 

When I Am Dead . . . .299 

Whispers From the Farm . . . 266 

Who Pays? . . . . .311 

" Ye Are the Branches " . . . 233 



UNCLE ALVIN 
AT nOA\E AND ABROAD. 



TIT-FOR-TAT. 

We read the party papers, each of which will fix the 

blame 
Upon the other fellows, and will tell us how it came, 
That out of great prosperity there came this sudden 

drop. 
And things are takin' such a slide we wonder where 

they'll stop. 
One lays it all to Sherman* and the bullion he has 

bought; 
The other says the tariff scare the dreadful work has 

wrought; 
And so the two old parties are engaged in quite a spat. 
Which seems about as dignified as children's tit-for-tat. 

The nation's representatives in extra session sit. 
And talk about the panic, and the thing that causes it. 
With just about the wisdom of the common party press, 
And act about as earnest to relieve the great distress. 



1 8 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

They spend two weeks discussin', simply lettin' off 

their wind, 
Without an expectation that they'll change somebody's 

mind; 
Till those who read the papers most must wonder what 

they're at, 
Which gives it dignity above a game of tit-for-tat. 

That we are in a "pickle" there is no one left to doubt, 
But what has got us in it, or the way to get us out. 
Seems Greek to all our statesmen, by the way they 

hesitate, 
And do so much discussin' there before they legislate; 
And one of two conclusions must be forced on every 

mind. 
That they don't know the causes, nor a remedy can 

find. 
Or, if they know a remedy, prefer to sit and spat. 
Rather than to apply it, and to spoil the game they're 

at. • 

One thing is very evident: we lose a lot of "scum" 
From our commercial kettle when these boilin' panics 

come; 
And when the great convulsion spew^s it all outside 

the rim. 
The commerce of the country settles down in better 

trim. 
BuL what produced the boilin', or what generates the 

' 'scum, " 



TIT-FOR-TAT. 1 9 

Affords the politicians a most palatable crumb, 
About which ' they can wrangle, in the game which 

they are at. 
Of wallopin' each other in their pleasant tit-for-tat. 

And when our people's habits shall adjust the flow of 

bile, 
So they will not be bilious, or have fevers for a while, 
Their mental apprehension may at length become so 

clear 
That they can tell the causes for this present bilious 

year; 
And when at length they find them — if indeed they 

ever do — 
They'll find them to be somethin' else than rates of 

revenue. 
Or buy in' silver bullion — as they're chargin' in their 

spat — 
First one and then the other, in this game of tit-for-tat. 

The people's modes of livin', and of business — in the 

past — 
Has been a sort of diet that is bearin' fruit at last; 
About as vicious eatin', or one's practices defile 
The fluids of the body, and will make the fountains vile ; 
And nature — wiser than we all — will set herself about 
The nasty yet important task of vomitin' it out. 
The process must be painful, yet must come, for all 

of that, 
Or death and putrefaction w^ill begin their tit-for-tat 



20 UNCLB ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And governments are much the same. The politicians 

play 
With things of gravest interest, while we jog on our 

way, 
And let them do our thinkin', and are easily cajoled 
To follow them as leaders, by believin' what we're 

told; 
Till sometime we are wakened by a sudden crash, to 

find- 
Like others we have read about — the "blind have led 

the blind." 
And all are "ditched" together; when we all resume 

our spat 
About what caused the tumble, in arousin' tit-for-tat. 

Yet one thing is apparent; there's an over-rulin' eye 
Which scans the very thoughts of men, from where 

He sits on high. 
And makes their human blindness, in some measure, 

to fulfill, 
Without their even knowin' it, the purpose of His will. 
And what we call calamity is often just the thing 
He hitches on His chariot wheels prosperity to bring; 
And does it quite as often while the politicians spat. 
And charge the gravest follies on each other tit-for-tat. 



THE NEW SOPRANO. 21 



THE NEW SOPRANO. 

We always thought that singin', in the service of the 
Lord, 

Was just as much a worship as the preachin' of the 
word ; 

And often we've been lifted, by some good old- 
fashioned hymn. 

To almost scale the jasper walls, and get a glimpse of 
Him; 

For, somehow, with the melody a stealin' through my 
soul, 

I've seemed to stand above the place where "waves of 
trouble roll," 

And felt within my bosom, what can hardly be ex- 
pressed. 

The tides of glory surgin' in "across my peaceful 
breast. ' ' 

We never knew just what was meant about a "cul- 
tured ear," 
But thought that songs, as well as prayers, were for 

the Lord to hear; 
And if the singer didn't always strike a perfect chord, 
It might be worship, just the same, and "singin' to 

the Lord." 
And since I've been converted it has ever been my aim 
To use what little voice I had to praise His blessed 
name. 



22 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

By takin' part in prayer and song, and do the best I 
could, 

Because at least the language of my heart was under- 
stood. 

And since they got the organ, and an organist to play, 
It kind o' keeps a person's voice from goin' much 

astray ; 
And I could join more heartily, and not have any fear 
Of slidin' up or down too far, and jar somebody's ear. 
The choir was no objection, while the good old hymns 

were sung. 
Or new ones voicin' worship for the human heart and 

tongue. 
Indeed, I rather liked it, for they kind o' went ahead, 
So those who couldn't sing by note might follow where 

they led. 

Butsomethin' struck our chorister as quite the proper 

thing. 
To get a new soprano — one they had to pay to sing — 
Because her voice and "culture" had superiority 
Above the persons who were glad to give their service 

free. 
I didn't know about it, and the services began, 
Without a deviation from the customary plan ; — 
The openin' hymn was read and sung; the pastor 

knelt in prayer. 
And everything betokened there was worship every- 
where. 



THE NEW SOPRANO. 2$ 

But when the prayer was ended, and the people raised 
their eyes, 

They saw the new soprano, in the organ loft, arise, 

And wondered what was comin', but they didn't won- 
der long. 

For she began to warble what they called a sacred 
song. 

We don't know why they named it so, because it rose 
and fell, 

From tones of soft contralto to a veritable yell; 

And though we gave the best of heed our two ears 
could command, 

"Good tidings" was the only thing that we could 
understand. 

'Twas somethin' like a whirlwind, which will often 

start in low. 
And then shoot up, and up, and up, to see how high 

't can go. 
It might be sacred music, but it didn't well compare 
With what it followed after — such a tender, searchin' 

prayer ! 
It didn't help devotion, when the people had to strain 
To catch what she was sayin', and then find it was in 

vain. 
It might as well been Latin to the most of those who 

heard, 
Because the best of ears could catch but now and then 

a word. 



24 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOMK AND ABROAD. 

Aud when I asked about her, I was greatly shocked 
to hear 

That she gives dancin' lessons for a portion of the year, 

And there she was a leadin' us — or singin' in our 
place — 

To bear the worship of our hearts up to the throne of 
grace. 

And then I wondered if the Lord would be well pleased 
to hear 

The voice of such a medium between us and his ear, 

And if a cultured voice, like her's, was more of a de- 
light 

To Him than simpler worship, where his people could 
unite? 

I don't know but I'm fogyish, but I can't make it 

seem 
That tunes are really sacred, wjiere the singer has to 

scream; 
Or that the folks are edified, who, havin' ears to 

hear, 
Can get but now and then a word that falls upon their 

ear. 
And I can't fully understand why one who has been 

blest 
With vocal powers of extra grade should sing for all 

the rest. 
While they must sit and listen to a string of vocal 

noise, 
Suggestin' more of operas than of celestial joys. 



THE NEW SOPRANO. 25 

And I am so old-fashioned as to think, and dare to say, 
That singin' isn't worship, when they're doin' it for 

pay. 
'Twill do for entertainments; but it's quite another 

thing 
To do it in an audience before the Heavenly King. 
He listens more for heart-throbs than for choicest 

"runs" or "trills," 
And nothin' discords in His ears where love the music 

thrills. 
If we can sing by proxy — as so many think we may — 
It must be as acceptable to do it when we pray. 

If one is only "gifted" — as some people truly are — 
Why shouldn't such an one be hired to lead in public 

prayer ? 
He needn't be a christian, any more to pray than sing. 
If we can hire somebody else to do our worshiping. 
We don't suppose the Lord objects to any kind of art 
Which doesn't come to intercept the worship of the 

heart; 
But who believes a moment that the terrible "I Am" 
Can look with slightest favor upon any sort of sham ? 

We needn't wonder very much that converts are so 
• scarce, 

Where "art" has made the worship little better than a 
farce. 

We'd like to see things comin' back to good old- 
fashioned ways, 



26 UN<PLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

When congregations all were joined in songs of hearty 

praise ; — 
When pulpits and the pews were moved with only one 

desire, 
To be baptized together with the Holy Ghost and fire; — 
When simple-hearted faith could grasp the promise of 

the word, 
And bring a speedy answer from the presence of the 

Lord. 

We'd like to see our services a good deal more devout, 
With all of these "performances" for worldly ears left 

out, 
And everything like "merchandise" completely swept 

away 
From every form of worship, on the holy Sabbath day. 
We don't know as we'll see it, but we hope it won't be 

long. 
Before the church will cease to pay a singer for a song, 
But out of hearts — renewed by grace — the anthems 

shall arise, 
Fillin' His earthly courts with praise, and reachin' to 

the skies. 



PAT. RAGAN'S reply. 27 



PAT. RAGANS' REPLY. 

'Twas on election morniu', in the Spring of ninety-one, 
When fever heat was gettin' high with candidates that 

run, 
And all their "heelers" were alert to work each doubt- 
ful man 
In favor of their candidates, as only "heelers" can; 
For then, besides the interests which always enter in 
To such a local struggle where each party hopes to 

win, 
The "local option" issue let each freeman's ballot say, 
Without regard to party, whether drink should go or 
stay. 

Pat was a good mechanic, and commanded, at his 
trade. 

About the highest wages which the wagon makers paid, 

And might have kept his family with every need sup- 
plied, 

And have a margin over for the luxuries beside; 

Or been the owner of a home, instead of paying rent, 

If all the wages he had earned could have been wisely 
spent. 

But somehow, though he learned a trade, he never 
learned to think. 

And so — like many other men — his wages went for 
drink. 



28 UNCI.E AI.VIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

'Twas no uncommon thing for him, when he had 

drawn his pay, 
Before he reached his wretched home to "blow" it all 

away; 
And then the shifts that he must make to tide him 

through the week 
Subtracted from his manhood as it added to his cheek, 
And made his credit worthless, and his patronage a 

bore, 
And him, or any one he sent, unwelcome at the 

store. 
And made his wife and children hear his footsteps 

with a dread. 
And sent them often shivering and supperless to bed. 

But somehow, for a day or two, some light had struck 

his brain; 
A single thought had taken root, and things were get- 
tin' plain. 
He saw how foolish he had been to work from day to 

day 
And furnish some one else's home with what he drew 

for pay, 
While those whom he had sworn to love, and who 

looked up to him. 
And had the right to do it, had been farin' mighty 

slim; 
And he had registered a vow as solemn as he knew. 
That after this, ^''Pat Rag an migJit be counted on. as 

true.'''' . 



PAT. RAGAN'S reply. 29 

He hadn't reasoned rapidly, but when the truth was 

clear, 
It swept through all his Irish soul, and trembled in a 

tear. 
And took the form of high resolve that never once 

again 
Should Patrick Ragan's hat sit on a whisky muddled 

brain, 
And that on this election day — the first time in his 

life- 
He' d cast his Irish ballot for his babies and his wife, 
And send the * 'cussed' ' traffic, which had proven such 

a foe. 
As far as he could send it, where it's author was — be- 
low. 

Just then the shop door opened, and a step and face he 

knew. 
With all the old time confidence, came briskly walkin' 

through. 
And after shakin' hands with Pat, in his familiar way, 
Said, "Well, my man, I s'pose you know that this is 

'lection day, 
And we expect that all the boys will help us in this 

fight. 
To score another victory for freedom by to-night. 
I'll tell you Pat, those fellows who would take your 

rights away, 
Are gatherin' their forces, and will hit us hard to-day. 



30 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

*'But Pat, my boy, I know your heart, that you are al- 
ways true, 

And we who stand for liberty can always count on 
you." 

Pat listened quite respectfully to what the fellow said, 

And then his hand went slowly up to his uncovered 
head, 

And ran his bony fingers through his mass of curly 
hair. 

As if he felt for somethin' that was shyly hidin' there, 

Arid then, as if he'd found it and had somehow let it 
slip, 

The thought that he had loosened he had caught upon 
his lip — 

"No, Mn Murphy," answered Pat, "whativer ye ex- 
pect. 

The mon that ye are talkin' for, me vote won't help 
elect." 

"Why, Patrick Ragan," Murphy said, in such un- 
feigned surprise 

That one could almost hung his hat upon the fellow's 
eyes, 

"What on the earth has happened? Have you lost 
3'^our head to-day. 

And do you really mean that you shall vote the other 
way?" 

"As true as preachin'," answered Pat, "That's just 
the thing I mane, 

I'll niver vote for license in this livin' world again." 



PAT. RAGAN'S reply. 3I 

"But, Pat," began the "heeler," "don't you know 

that if you beat, « 

You'll kill the business so that grass will grow in 

every street ?' ' 
"Be gorrah, then," was Pat's reply, "I'll git meselfa 

cow, 
And feed her on the common in the summer anyhow, 
And Biddy and the babies shall have somethin' more 

to eat 
Than they've been used to havin' if the grass grows 

in the street. 
I only hope it's comin' in the way that ye avow, 
For what I'll save from drinkin' grog will soon give 

us the cow." 

" I've been a fool, as ye well know, and let you fellows 

lead. 
And voted as ye told me while me family were in 

need; 
I've voted for the drink-shops, and gone in their open 

door, 
To waste me hard-earned wages, and have kept me 

family poor, 
While those who got me money for the rot-gut that 

they sold. 
Had silk to dress their daughters with, and jewelry of 

gold, 
With feather beds to sleep upon, and with fine up- 
holstered chairs, 
And carpets spread on every room, includin' hall and 

stairs. 



32 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

* 'While me poor wife and babies are ashamed to walk 

tile street, 
Because they're dressed so poorly by the side of those 

they meet; 
And don't have any company to visit them at home, 
Because me house is furnished so that no one cares to 

come; 
And when they see their finery me money helps to buy, 
Do you suppose its weakness that compels me wife to 

cry ? 
And when she knows me money keeps these families 

well fed. 
Does that make her less hungry goin' supperless to 

bed? 

"I've always voted license, as ye told me to, before, 
But hain't the liberty you've prached just kept me 

family poor. 
And me a drunkard, so that when I rached me home 

at night, 
I've met me patient wife with blows, and killed me 

babes with fright ? 
The liberty ye promise is a blarsted lie and cheat, 
And, by the powers above me, I will tread it under 

feet. 
I don't know how it happened, but the divil — by 

misthake — 
Must got a trifle slapy, for he let me git awake. 



DEDICATION OF A CHURCH ORGAN. 33 

''And since me eyes are open, and me fetters have 
been broke, 

Do ye suppose Pat Ragan will be puttin' on the yoke 

That's made a baste of him these years, and wasted all 
his pay. 

And beggared those who loved him, in a most in- 
human way; 

And all to plase the people, like your honor, who pre- 
tend 

To be so anxious for me rights because ye are me 
friend ? 

Excuse me, Mr. Murphy, but me eyes are open now. 

And I will take me chances with the grass and with 
the cow." 



DEDICATION OF A CHURCH ORGAN. 

A Gift From a Member of the Congregation^ Costing 

$1, 000. 

We thank Thee, Oh, Lord, for this gracious display 
Of Providence standing before us to-day. 
Thou sawest, from Heaven, our recognized need, 
And filled it, at length, by this generous deed. 
However concealed from the donor it be, 
The impulse to do it was given by Thee. 
No purpose to render Thy church on the earth 
Such aid could have other than hea.venly birth. 

3 



34 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOMK AND ABROAD. 

We thank Thee, at length, that Thy kingdom of grace 

Hath found, in this heart, such a sure lodging place: — 

That up from the seed Thou hast sown in the past, 

Thus much of a harvest has risen at last: — 

It may not be much for Thine eyes to behold 

A steward returning a share of Thy gold. 

Which out of Thy treasury freely hast lent, 

To bring — at Thine asking — the owner's per cent. 

But surely the seed of Thy kingdom has brought 
Some fruit, by inspiring this generous thought, 
Which gave us the beautiful organ we play, 
To blend in the worship we offer to-day. 
Grant now, and henceforth, as the weeks come and go, 
Thy kingdom — thus planted — may flourish and grow, 
Till from this beginning Thou soon mayest see, 
Himself- — as an offering — given to Thee. 

And spare him the folly — most graciously spare — 
Of spurning the gift Thou hast gone to prepare, 
Of glory and honor forever on high, 
And choosing thy mercy and love to defy. 
But give such a voice to the music which floats, 
From Sabbath to Sabbath, from each of these notes. 
That oft as he hears them, each minor and chord, 
Shall speak to his heart, as the voice of the Lord. 

Let blessing and mercy accompany song, 
Inspiring the weak, and directing the strong; 
Let truths of salvation which fall from the tongue 
Reach hearts, to uplift them ; though spoken or sung, . 



DEDICATION OF A CHURCH ORGAN. 35 

Let music be clothed with the breath of Thy power, 
For comfort or courage, in sunshine or shower; 
Let freshness and beauty, like dewdrops, distill. 
To brighten and strengthen for doing Thy will. 

And grant that this offering made to Thee here 

May voice our thanksgiving for many a year; 

And echo and echo the message of grace 

To those who come after, from this sacred place. 

Forbid, we implore thee, our Father, forbid. 

Thy purpose of mercy should ever be hid 

In formal devotion, to simulate praise, 

And blend in the music which this organ plays. 

But make it to be, even more than we dare 
To hope or to ask, in the words of our prayer, 
A blessing which pastor and people shall see 
Potential for winning the wayward to Thee. 
To Thee — aye, to Thee — while the privilege waits, , 
And beckons and beckons them into her gates, 
With grateful assurance again and again. 
That none ever seek for admission in vain. 



36 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 



UNCLE ALVIN ON THE SITUATION. 

The fact that these are stirrin' times is tolerably clear, 
And also that the stirrin' isincreasin' year by year; 
But just what is the cause of it, or what it signifies, 
Is just about as clear as mud in most of people's eyes. 
Some say it's lack of money, that is causin' such un- 
rest, 
By which the whole republic is so frequently dis- 
tressed, 
Because of commerce throttled, and of business standin' 

still, 
Awaitin' some decision of a single person's will. 
And some will tell us gravely, that the cause of this 

unrest 
Is all because the workin' man is grievously oppressed, 
In both the hours of labor that shall constitute a day, 
And in the compensation which is given him, as pay. 
While all the politicians — or the most of them, at 

least — 
Will tell us that the tariff should be lessened, or in- 
creased ; 
And that upon this issue all the burdens must be laid. 
Which causes this uneasiness, with labor, and in trade. 
The moralists and preachers (the majority, I think). 
And mothers cf the nation, see the trouble in the 
drink. 



ON THE SITUATION. 37 

That there is trouble somewhere here, and of the 

gravest kind, 
Is clear enough — as it would seem — to stir the dullest 

mind ; 
Yet, somehow, our humanity is made up so perverse, 
That evils which are recognized can grow from bad 

to worse, 
'Till they become a mighty leech, whose suckin' lips 

can drain 
The life and strength of nations; yet they let the thing 

remain. 
What makes the minds of men so dull we need not 

here discuss. 
But can not well ignore it, with the facts confrontin' us. 
Results must have their causes; and all fruit suggests 

a tree; 
And so there must be somethin' back of all the wrongs 

we see. 
And if we go a huntin', with a view to find the cause, 
We'll find it back of governments, and back of all the 

laws; 
For governments are nothin' but the people's will ex- 
pressed. 
And law is but the fingers that is doin' all the rest. 
If government is vicious, or the laws are workin' 

wrong. 
And people feel dissatisfied, they needn't stand it long, 
For they can re-construct it, and compel it to fulfill, 
In all important interests, the sovereign people's will. 
The trouble lies about in this: — while wrongs may be 

increased, 



38 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

The ones vihofeel their burdens worst^\2.i^ those who 
think the least^ 

And deem it patriotic, if they sort of go it blind, 

By followin' some leaders with a battered axe to grind. 

One needn't go to college, and become a graduate. 

To know a little somethin' of the runnin' of the State; 

For if he looks about him, there's enough for him to 
see. 

To educate him fairly, what a citizen should be. 

And what his rights amount to, and if he shall be op- 
pressed. 

About what course he should pursue, to have his 
wrongs redressed. 

The trouble lies in thinkin'' — for they never learned 
the trade — 

But mostly get opinions, like their breeches, ready- 
made, 

And let the politicians, who will guarantee a fit 

As good as tailors, get the stuff and see to makin' it; 

And some will stay the corners with a sort of extra 
strip. 

To keep the seams from baggin', and prevent an awk- 
ward rip; 

And then, of course, they wear it, and will join in the 
parade. 

And look as nice as ' 'dummies' ' in the suits these fel- 
lows made. 

And represent about as much of other people's 
brains. 

But count as much as livin' men in forgin' their own 
chains. 



ON THR SITUATION. 39 

About how much, for pity's sake, need any person 

think. 
Before it's clear as daylight, what he ought to do 

with drink ? 
They needn't know the figures that record the many 

slain. 
Who might be livin', but for it, throughout our wide 

domain; 
And needn't count the money which is squandered 

every year. 
Because this mighty spendthrift is allowed to tarry 

here; 
And needn't hear the sobbin' of the broken-hearted 

wives, 
A countless army of them, weepin' over blighted lives; 
And needn't see the children, which it dresses so in 

rags, 
Or women, who, from angels, it develops into hags; 
And needn't see the prisons which it does so much to 

fill. 
Or figure up the taxes for the prosecutin' bill; 
And needn't see the mothers, who are cryin' for their 

boys — 
An awful army of them — which it every year destroys; 
And needn't count the fortunes by the drinkin' busi- 
ness sunk. 
But only need the knowledge that the drinkin'' makes 

me 71 drunk. 
Ye God ! is that as nothin', which destroys a fellow's 

brain, 



40 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And makes a mind irrational, and fires up every vein, 
And cooks the nervous substances, and puts men on 

the rack, 
And takes the manhood out of him, but never brings 

it back ? 
A little thing — a trifle, to be puttin' on a yoke, 
Which seldom, in the later years, is put aside or broke? 
A habit to be trifled with, which generates more pain,| 
And fills more hearts with agony, and counts mord 

victims slain, I 

And spreads more desolation on the bosom of the earth 
Than all the epidemics since creation had its birth ? 
And yet to-day the nations have all taken an afirighti 
About the spread of cholera (and well, indeed, they 

might), 
And every paper everywhere is spreadin' the alarm. 
And every government on earth is stretchin' out its arm 
To build up such defenses as they can against this foe^ 
Or drive it from their borders by the quickest way 

they know. 
And this is well, and argues much, when such an 

estimate 
Is placed upon the lives of men, by nations small and 

great ; 
And every effort of them all should have a warm 

"Godspeed," 
As well as what assistance, in the way of help, they 

need. 
But doesn't it look mighty strange, that after all they 

say, 



ON THE SITUATION. 4^ 

And all they do, to keep or drive this fearful plague 

away, 
That every one of them have got — and seem content 

to keep — 
A scourge more terrible than this— with more relent- 
less sweep — 
And one which festers rottenness and death on every 

air, 
And spreads its vile contagion through the nations 

everywhere. 
And strikes down man and womanhood of every rank 

and age, 
And all of them protect it, both by law and patronage ? 
The awful scourge of cholera has something in its tread 
Which fills the minds of men with awe, and strikes 

their hearts with dread ; 
Its march is so imperious that where it plants its feet 
All but the most intrepid ones are swift in their retreat. 
Its conquest over human lives is less by its own might 
Than by the subtle power it has of killin' men by 

fright. 
Yet one thing can be said of it — in sort of doubtful 

praise — 
It gathers in its harvest fast, and quits : it never stays. 
It swings its scythe so rapidly that people, when they 

fall. 
Lose but their lives ; not virtue, fortune, honor, all : 
Men die as men, and leave a name unsullied by its 

touch ; 
Their bodies, not their characters, have felt its awful 
clutch ; 



42 UNCLE AI.VIN AT" HOME AND ABROAD. 

Posterity has something left to which their love may 

cling-, 
And weave a chaplet for the name, to make the mem- 
ory sing. 
It comes to nations suddenly, as by a mighty leap 
From out its unknown caverns, where so many mys- 
teries sleep. 
And pounces down unheralded, and thrusts its sickle in 
Whenever and wherever it chooses to begin. 
But though its chariot wheels of death are driven with 

such speed, 
The spirit which possesses it is not insatiate greed ; 
But rather, as God's scavenger, wherever it is seen, 
It comes as Heaven's board of health, to keep the 

nations clean. 
And stirs up human common sense to move itself about. 
And wash and dig, and scrub and dust, and get the 

garbage out ; 
And then it hies itself away, and lies down in its lair, 
Until the scourge of human filth invites it back some- 
where. 
And to the credit of our race (a shameful compliment), 
This scourge of human nastiness is somewhat rarely 

sent ; 
Yet, if my memory hasn't slipped, the worst it ever did 
In any of its visits here would be completely hid, 
Comparin' ghastly records with it, any single year 
Of any generation, by the scourge we harbor here : 
And everybody frightened so, seems little less than 
"rot," 



ON THE SITUATION. 43 

About the scourge of cholera, while huggin' what 

they've got. 
I'm not a politician— and I thank the Lord I'm not— 
And so am left more free to use what little sense I've 

got; 
And if it's good for anything, the workm's of my 

mind 
Have this one virtue, that they're not of an expensive 

kind ; 
But all the world is welcome to whatever I may think, 
And what my reason teaches me we'd better do with 

drink. 
It certainly is good or bad. If good, it ought to stay; 
If bad, what baby doesn't know it should be put away ? 
And what's the verdict of the world, but that it is the 

worst 
Of all the many evils by which men were ever cursed ? 
Bad ! bad ! and only bad ! possessin' not a single trait 
Which, without great distortion, can its evils mitigate. 
And yet, in a republic where each voter is a king, 
The people don't know what to do with this accursed 

thing ! 
They snivel at the dreadful crimes and wrongs it per- 
petrates, 
But give it license to remain in almost all our States : 
Nay, more, they give it sanction, and protect it from 

its foes. 
By laws as strong as government, as he who fights it 

knows. 
Oh, rfien of free America, what stultifies you so. 
That vou can't see how to be rid of this relentless foe ? 



44 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

It's just as clear as broad daylight, to those with half 

an eye, 
That freemen can be rid of it if earnestly they try. 
Stop snivelin' at its awful deeds, and deal it such a 

blow, 
With every ballot that you cast, that it can't help but 

go. 
It got intrenched by freemen's votes behind its barri- 
cade. 
Arid hisses its defiance from the breastworks we have 

made. 
If ballots built its breastworks, cannot ballots tear 

away, 
And leave it unprotected, for its enemies to slay? 
Either acknowledge we are serfs, and alcohol our king, 
Or smite it with the fist of law and slay the hateful 

thing. 
There's only this conclusion, if we let the thing remain, 
We countenance its evils for the purposes of gain ; 
Or else we fear to strike, as a serf to strike his king ; 
Or we prefer to have it stay, because we love the thing. 



THE STREET CARS. 45 



UNCLE ALVIN AND THE STREET CARS. 

Well ! I have seen the street cars run, the fust I ever 

saw, 
With nothin' anywhere in sight that looked like it 

could draw; 
And yet the pesky things will pull (or push) a mortal 

load, 
And stop and start as easy like as horses on the road. 
And go as fast, it seemed to me, as most o' horses run, 
And nothin' round to sweat or foam — it really looked 

like fun; 
And then no driver's hollerin' ; no clatterin' horses feet; 
No wearin' out the pavement in the middle of the 

street. 

But I confess I couldn't see how anything so wild 

As what we call 'lectricity could ever come so mild 

And gentle like, as if at last it more than half en- 
joyed 

Wearin' a sort o' harness, and a bein' thus employed. 

But, my ! I thought that after all it'e mighty slippery 
stuff, 

And if it got a tantrum, when they'd worked it long 
enough. 

That like as not 'twould jump the wires, and hit some- 
body's head, 

And, quicker' n you could wink your eye, the feller 
would be dead. . 



4q UNCLE ALVIN AT. HOME AND ABROAD. 

It seems to me it's ticklish like, to be a settin' there, 

With lightnin' all around you and a runnin' every- 
where; 

A comin' down from overhead, and passin' through 
the seat, 

(Or somewhere — don't exactly know) or underneath 
your feet ; 

And all the while it's workin' so there's nothin' to be 
seen. 

And nothin' heard, except the groan of workin' the 
machine; 

But then it's there, and there in force, as any one may 
know, 

For if it wasn't, then of course, the cars they wouldn't 
go. 

I seen so many people ride the fust day I was there, 

I almost thought I'd try it too, but didn't hardly dare. 

For somethin' kept a whisperin', "I guess you'd 
better wait; 

I guess, perhaps, they'll stay awhile, and it won't be 
too late, 

And if the lightnin' jumps the wires, and hits some- 
body's head. 

If you ain't there, it won't be you, but some one else 
instead." 

So I looked on, and peeked around, and watched them 
as they run. 

And got some knowledge, anyway, if others got the 
fun. 



THE STREET CARS. 47 

And if the lightnin', all the while, shall prove itself 

as tame, 
And always act as civilized as it has since they came, 
The cars will prove a blessin' to the ones who love to 

ride, 
(If nickles don't give out) and pay the management 

beside; 
And next time I'm in town and think that I've a coin 

to spare 
(And like as not that time won't be until the comin' 

fair), 
I think I'll take a ride or two to see how it will seem 
To ride along the city streets with lightnin' for a team. 



UNCLE ALVIN COMES TO THE FAIR. 

I'd been a-thinkin' all along of goin' to the fair. 
And promised Nancy Jane we'd try the street cars 

while we're there ; 
But thought the third day, like enough, would be 

about the best. 
For we enjoy the seein' of a crowd, with all the rest ; 
For, somehow, I have noticed if the crowd is kept 

away, 
A fair is called a failure, with the best of a displa)'. 
But never knew exactly why it should be reckoned so, 
Unless it takes the quarters of the crowd to make it go. 



48 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

So Wednesday mornin' early we got up and flew 

around 
(For when it comes to hurryin' we ain't quite run 

aground, 
If we are not as suple, 'cause our limbs are growin' 

old, 
And half my hair has gone away, and hers has lost its 

gold), 
And had our chores all done up nice, and breakfast 

put away, 
By six o'clock, and started out to have our holiday. 
The first we'd either of us had in quite a lengthy 

spell. 
And meant to have a good one if we both of us kept 

well. 



And when the horse was put away, and I had seen 

him fed, 
And waited 'til the hostler run the carriage in the 

shed. 
We started for the fair ; but when the street cars came 

along. 
Both cars were full already to the steps, with such a 

throng ! 
The seats were full, the aisles were filled as full as 

they could stand, 
And hung along up over head, a-holdin' by the hand ; 
And so I said to Nancy that we'd have to wait awhile, 
And then if we don't get a ride you'll see your uncle 

smile. 



COMES TO THE FAIR. 49 

" You see," I said to Nancy, "that on any such a day 
The cars will be 'most empty when they go the other 

way, 
And we can ride them down and back for just another 

dime. 
And have our choice of seats, besides, and reach the 

fair in time." 
And so we waited where we stood, and 'twasn't long 

to wait, 
Until the train came pullin' back at quite a lively gait, 
And stopped for us to get aboard, for I suppose they 

knew, 
Some way or other, just about what we had planned 

to do. 

Then how they ran ! just slackin' up in makin' of the 

curves, 
And lettin' people off, sometimes, to kind o' help our 

. nerves ; 
Till, most before we knew it, they were slackin' up 

their pace, 
And in about a minute they had reached their stoppin' 

place. 
I wondered how they'd start them back, and I got off 

to see. 
And saw them swing the trolley pole — 'twas done so 

easily — 
And saw a thing in either end, some smaller than a 

churn, 
And on the top a little crank the driver has to tuni. 

4 



50 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And SO it's all the same to them which end shall go 

ahead, 
Because the car has two machines, so the conductor 

said. 
But goin' back, I must confess, that, gray-haired as I 

am, 
I don' t remember ever bein' caught in such a jam. 
They stopped at every crossin',,and at lots of times 

between. 
And such a scramble to get on I'm sure I'd never seen; 
And long before we reached the fair, the idea one 

would form 
Would be about two hives of bees the night before 

they swarm. 

Once, after they had stopped, I guess the driver 

turned the crank 
And let the current on too quick ; it gave us such a 

yank 
It almost took us off our seats, and made the ladies 

scream. 
And made me think 'lectricity a rather fractious team. 
That needed for a driver one who understood the bit. 
And all about the tacklin' that is used in workin' it, 
Or he is liable to have, if not a runaway, 
At least a lively fracas, and to have it any day. 

And I confess my wonder grew, the more of it I saw, 
And don't know where the limit is of what this team 
will draw ; 



COMES TO THE FAIR. 51 

For when they loaded these two cars with five-and- 

twenty ton, 
It didn't make them hard to start, or change the speed 

they run. 
And all the while of goin' up I sat and racked my 

brain 
To try and make it comprehend what power ran the 

train. 
But only got as far as this : it's part of Nature's plan 
That all her mighty forces should be workin' so for 

man. 

And all of them, I notice, in the things they do for us, 
Perform their work so quietly, without a bit of fuss. 
That if we didn't see results we would almost declare 
That there was nothin' goin' on, in Nature, anywhere; 
While all the time her great machine is runnin' on so 

still. 
And turnin' out the things we need, like grists from 

out a mill. 
But suddenly the cars were stopped before the fair 

ground gate. 
And everybody walked away with his or her own 

freight. 



52 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 



UNCLE ALVIN INSIDE THE FAIR. 

I noticed some who came with us who didn't have to 

wait 
To buy themselves a ticket, but they pointed for the 

gate, 
While we, who hadn't got them, had to push ourselves 

along. 
As fast as we could do it, through the jostle of the 

throng. 
Till we could reach the window; then we had awhile 

to wait. 
Because they, couldn't serve us, for the crowdin' was 

so great; 
And when we got them, we were hustled through a 

clothes-reel gate. 
Which clicked, to register, I suppose, at quite a lively 

rate. 
And when, at last, we found ourselves fairly within 

the ground. 
We had to stop a little bit, to sort o' look around. 
And calculate, as best we could, which way we'd 

better go. 
With somethin' like a system, so we'd take in all the 

show. 
But we decided that we wouldn't hurry through, 
As most of those who come with us seemed eagerly 

to do; 



INSIDE THK FAIR. 53 

And so we loitered leisurely, and got in folks' s way, 
And stopped in front of every place to take in the dis- 
play. 
'Twas rather nice, the most of it, but what we'd seen 

before. 
And lots of times, when we had been a shoppin' at the 

store. 
About the only difference, when all is said and done, 
Between the stores and bein' here, here's several in 

one. 
One thing I've often noticed, and I saw the same thing 

there. 
That character will show itself, and almost anywhere ; 
The breadth, or scanty pattern, after which men have 

been made. 
Without their even knowin' it, is sure to be displayed. 
For instance: here's a music man, that occupies one 

side. 
And just across the ten foot hall, the space is occupied 
By Business College people, doin' samples of their 

work, 

And givin' advertisements, through the fingers of a 
clerk ; 

And he, the music dealer, shuts out all the light be- 
hind, 

By hangin' up some curtains, and by closin' every 
blind. 

That all the light that comes to him might come 

across the way, 
And strike his instruments in front, thus helpin' his 

display ; 



54 UNCI<E ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

While they, the College people, who are on the other 

side, 
Are by this little act of his compelled to open wide. 
And work in their own shadows, but it's all the same 

to me, 
Only such narrow spots in men I seldom fail to see. 
The thing which interested me as much, and I think 

more 
Than all the rest together, that was on the bottom 

floor. 
Was just a lot of dishes that was shown us by a man, 
Himself and all his trinkets, that had come from old 

Japan. 
I watched him open boxes and undo the chunks of 

straw. 
Put up the most ingeniously of things I ever saw, 
And not a piece of chinaware had lost a little chip, 
Though comin' such a distance, both by railroad and 

by ship. 
The vases, pitchers, urns and things I didn't know 

the name. 
And never saw the like of them before these dishes 

came. 
With tiny cups and saucers that were large enough to 

hold 
An ordinary swallow (if the liquid should be cold. 
And one was not compelled to taste and drink by 

little sips, 1^ 

Because the beverage was hot and burned his mouth 

and lips). 
And little spoons for holdin' pins, and little crocodiles, 



INSIDE THE FAIR. 55 

That looked to be good natured — for their mouths 

were wreathed in smiles; 
And many things beside them, as the advertisers say, 
'*Too numerous to mention," in at least a half a day. 
And I suppose the questions that were asked this 

Japanese 
Were just to hear his answers, for he tried so hard to 

please, 
And spoke our language fairly, so that one could 

understand, 
Yet with an accent that betrayed what was his father- 
land. 
And yet he did some business; for some people stopped 

to buy 
These trinkets which had come so far, through curi- 
osity. 
As I suppose, that somehow, in the presence of such 

things. 
Their thoughts could take a journey, and their fancy 

stretch her wings 
To where the dusky fingers had so curiously wrought. 
Into a shape so beautiful, some humble pagan's 

thought. 
Another thing we noticed was a pyramid of bread. 
Piled up in one exhibit — of two wagon loads, they said. 
And which the women had brought in, contestin' for 

a prize. 
That seemed to have, with lots of them, a dazzle for 

their eyes; 
Some dealer offered a gold watch to anyone who made 



56 UNCLE AI.VIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

The choicest loaf of home-made bread, from flour of 

certain grade; 
And here was what had come of it; what sacks of flour 

they sold, 
And how the eager women tried, attracted by the gold. 
For, somehow, such a prize as that will move a 

woman's breast 
About as much as 'twill a man's, to do their level best. 
And so about two hundred of them eagerly went in 
To such a hurdle race as this, where only one could 

win. 
And then I went to wonderin' about how much is made 
By dealers who resort to such a doubtful trick of trade. 
Of course, it adds a little spice, and makes a little fun. 
But does it prove a benefit to trade, in the long run ? 
Don't it most alwa:ys happen, that contestin' women 

know 
That somethin' wasn't fair about decisions rendered so ? 
And when the thing is over, don't a lot of them feel 

sour. 
And ready to declare that all the fault was in the flour ? 
In fact, I heard them talkin', in a doubtful sort of way. 
About this very brand of flour, and heard one of them 

say. 
That it was good for certain things, but that she didn' t 

find 
The qualities they needed in a brand of flour combined. 
Don't such excitin' contests often prove to be unjust, 
And often do a quite a lot toward breedin' of distrust ? 
And ain't it rather vicious, to be temptin', with a prize, 
A person into buyin' what they won' t do otherwise ? 



INSIDE THE FAIR. 57 

And yet we see it practiced in most every kind of trade, 
By offers so invitin', by the way which they are made, 
That, really, one would almost think, if words mean 

anything. 
That they were rich and generous, with fortunes there 

to fling 
To almost any kind of chap that had a"mind to take 
The slice which they would give him, in the offer 

which they make. 
But I suppose there's somethin' in the way which men 

are made. 
That forms a sort of reason for their makin' this parade ; 
I don't know what to call it, but it's in them just the 

same. 
And works them as effectually as though it had a name, 
A somethin' that is ready to be stretchin' out the hand 
To pick up any offer which they do not understand. 
If only there is in it but a chance for them tc make 
A dollar's worth of profit for a penny's worth of stake. 
And if they see against them, as a hundred is to one — 
A sight for bein' punished for the chances which they 

run. 
Yet if the offer made them has a smack of value in it. 
They'll take the single chance they see, a hopin' they 

may win it. 
And it don't count a feather's weight about the ninety- 
nine 
Who took the other chances, and are hold of the same 

line, 
To know that everyone must lose, if they should 

chance to win. 



58 UNCI.E ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

While they who swing the pot for both will rake their 

shekels in. 
But men are much like fish who bite most any kind of 

bait, 
If it is kept a movin', and like them, repent too late. 
And don't get much the wiser for their havin' bitten 

once, 
But when another bait is flung, again they play the 

dunce. 
Up stairs we found a lot of things that Nancy liked to 

see. 

But hadn't much of interest to persons such as me, 
And so I spent a quite a while and followed her 

around — 
For there, a person could get lost much easier than 

found — 
And looked at pictures, bric-a-brac, and things which 

they call art. 
So long I thought that Nancy would have learned 

them all by heart ; 
And it was long past dinner time before we found a 

seat. 
And left ofFlookin' long enough to take a bite to eat. 
And then, when we felt rested, we set out to see the 

stock. 
And found that they had gathered quite a large and 

handsome flock. 
And most of them were awful fat, especially the sheep, 
And many cattle, and some hogs — too fat, I thought, 

to keep; 
For if it' s profit that they want, it don' t pay very well 



INSIDE THE FAIR. 59 

To keep an animal in stock when fat enough to sell. 
But while we went from pen to pen, the bells began 

to ring, 
And people crowded toward the park, and set us won- 
dering 
What it could mean, and why the crowd were pushin' 

over there 
With such apparent haste, as if they had no time to 

spare, 
And might be late for somethin' which they wanted 

so to see. 
That pretty soon it somewhat roused our curiosity ; 
And we joined in the tide of folks without our knowin' 

why. 
Except the feelin' that we had to sort o' gratify. 
But 'twasn't long we had to wait before the thing was 

plain. 
And, bein' we were in the crowd, we thought we 

might remain. 
And listen to the music that was comin' from the band, 
And see what entertainment there was just about at 

hand. 
And so, before we knew it, men and women climbed 

the fence. 
And craned their necks and trembled in a kind o' 

vague suspense ; 
And down the track where they were lookin', sure 

enough, we saw 
The contest that was comin', and possessed such pow- 
er to draw ; 



6o UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

For, side by side, the track was filled witli half a dozen 

steed, 
With each a jockey driver, for a trial of their speed ; 
And everybody in the crowd, almost, it seemed to me, 
Had caught the spirit of the race, and watched it 

narrowly ; 
And when a horse, no matter which, struck out a 

neck ahead. 
They'd stake their money on him, whether well or 

poorly bred, 
For pedigree don't count for much, and registered or 

not. 
In such excitin' times as this, but whether he can trot ; 
It's simply speed and bottom, though ungainly as a cow, 
Which makes the horse a favorite, and takes the 

money now. 
It isn't what he looks to be, in graceful form or limb. 
Or in the "style " he may put on, that gives the race 

to him ; 
Nobody seems to care to-day especially for show, 
But every one is cheerin' on the horses that can go. 
And when the race was finished it was captured by a 

nag 
That half the crowd, before they started, called a 

' ' scalawag. ' ' 
And while they gave the winner such a volume of 

applause, 
I couldn't keep from thinkin' it was one of Heaven's 

laws 
That's not so much in promise, of the many who begin, 
But in the pertinacity and energy to win, 



INSIDE THE FAIR. 6l 

That gives the race to any one, of high or lowly birth, 
And in the end will take him for about what he is 

worth. 
One thing seemed strange about this fair : it came to 

me that day 
With somethin' like a thunderbolt, while viewin' this 

display : 
They call it agricultural, to help the farmers show 
The products of their industry, in anything they grow. 
And offer manufacturers inducements every year 
To bring whatever they produce, for exhibition here ; 
And ask of everybody else, with somethin' fine to 

show, 
To bring it here, where people come, to let the people 

know. 
But when I saw the programme, and the offers that 

are made, 
And saw the size of premiums on articles displayed. 
And noticed how the races and the other things com- 
pare. 
It seemed to me they gave the "trot" more than the 

lion's share. 
And then I followed down the list, as careful as I could, 
To see if farmers owned the nags that trotted here so 

good, 
But not a solitary horse, as near as I could find, 
That figured in the races here, of any sort or kind. 
Belonged to any farmer of the country, far or near ; 
But they were " horses of the turf," that were attract- 
ed here 



62 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

By premiums and purses whicli our ' ' farmers ' ' ad- 
vertise, 

So out of all proportion in the matter of their size. 

And then the thought came stealin' in, like the gray 
streaks of dawn 

Into the blackness of the night, until its shades are 
gone. 

That all this ' ' fair ' ' is gotten up (though they will 
swear it's not) 

To gather in a lot of folks to see their yearly "trot." 

And while I thought about it, and had read the pro- 
gramme through, 

I saw the devil's cloven foot protrudin' into view. 

And saw how cleverly he'd wooled the christian peo- 
ple's eyes. 

Till they believed, and helped along, one of his art- 
ful lies ; 

For many of ' ' The Farmers' Club ' ' are christian 
men, in name. 

And count as such before the world — above reproach 
or blame ; 

Yet, somehow, he has roped them in, and got them 
in the net 

His crafty mind concocted and his wily fingers set. 

And made them actors in a scheme — because they do 
it best — 

Which, if the mask were torn away, they'd every one 
detest. 

I thought these christian farmers hadn' t many of them 
read, 



INSIDE THE FAIR. 63 

To any great advantage, what the gracious Lord has 

said, 
Of "bein' wise as serpents while as harmless as a 

dove, ' ' 
Or of their " try in' spirits, so that they might clearly 

prove 
What sort of spirit they are of," before they lend their 

name 
To any scheme which might retard the cause for 

which He came. 
I fancied, too, that I could see how broadly he would 

grin 
While lookin' at the workin' of his scheme to rope 

them in ; 
And almost heard his chuckle, softly fallin' on my ear, 
Because of "christian fellowship" which he gets, 

year by year. 
From easy goin' consciences, which let him have his 

way. 
And plan the sort of pleasures that shall form their 

holiday. 
And so the best thing he could do was plannin' such 

a plot 
To get a lot of christian men to have a yearly " trot," 
And advertise it widely, and to make it all the worse. 
Hold out a bribe for scamps to come, by offerin' a purse. 
The "sports" of almost all the States are sure to find 

the place, 
When bills and daily papers widely advertise the race. 
And here we have the sequence ; for the gamblers 

have the game 



64 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

To which they've been invited, and are richer for the 
same ; 

And when it's off they may retire with profits they 
have made, 

And leave these christian gentlemen to see the bills 
are paid : 

And since he finds it works so well he tries it every- 
where, 

And makes the race the drawing card of almost every 
fair ; 

And christian men and women help to make the year- 
ly race 

By placin' their exhibits there — a most attractive 
place : 

And then their namin' it a "fair" is just the sugar- 
plum 

Which lures the better class of folks to spend a day, 
and come. 

And get themselves excited as they look upon the 
"heat," 

Where patient animals are lashed for all they're worth, 
to beat. 

I wondered, while I witnessed it, if any one but me 

Could see in such a contest nothin' else but cruelty. 

Six men were drivin' horses 'til their carcasses were 
wet. 

And every nerve and fibre were as tense as could be 
set ; 

With eyes a-lookin' wildly, and their bellows pumpin' 
fast 



INSIDE THE FAIR. 65 

To keep the breath within them, as they all went flyin' 

past ; 
And all for our amusement — and the sweepin' of the 

stake, 
Which meant, for them that got it, quite a handsome 

sum to make. 
We truly must be christians (with a vengeance) if we 

find 
That givin' pain to animals brings pleasure to our 

mind ; 
And yet there's somethin' in it, or the people wouldn't 

go 
And spend their time and money, too, to witness such 

a show. 
I went away a thinkin', in a somewhat solemn vein, 
About how fast the gospel will extend it's bright do- 
main, 
'Til all the world is bathed in light, and hails the 

Prince of Peace 
As their acknowledged King and Lord, and sin and 

wrong shall cease, 
If those who represent Him here can find some good 

excuse 
To put away integrity just for a Sunday's use; 
But otherwise are just the same as those who occupy 
An attitude which sets them down His open enemy. 
Oh, weak-kneed Christianity! you need to grow some 

bone. 
Or wear a plaster on your back, 'til you shall dare to 

own. 



66 UNCLE AtVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

In face of men or devils, that you've no apology 

To make to anybody, as excuse for loyalty. 

You need to learn the lesson which His enemies can 

teach. 
In all their daily doin's, and the manner of their 

speech ; 
For they don't go a wearin'^such a look upon their 

face 
That makes one think them conscious of their bein' 

out of place ; 
And they don't — by their manner — act as if they were 

afraid, 
The course of life which they pursue would injure them 

in trade. 
Or cost them valued friendships, or in any way de- 
tract 
From their supreme advantage, by the way they talk 

or act; 
But they are so out-spoken as to leave no one in doubt, 
And give no false impressions in their business life, or 

out, 
Concernin' where to find them on the questions of the 

day. 
And ask nobody's pardon for the things they do or say. 
But christians are so cowardly, it isn't much surprise 
That those who only know the I^ord, through them, 

almost despise 
His gospel, as they see it lived by people everywhere, 
And count themselves about as good remainin' as they 

are. 



INSIDE THE FAIR. 67 

We started from the races in a qiiizzin' frame of mind, 
To see what other sort of things we possibly might 

find; 
And came — without our lookin' — where the people 

acted queer 
When callin' for their "nectar," which was nothin' 

else but beer ; 
And we remembered havin' read, on bills they sent 

around, 
That nothin that intoxicates would be upon the 

ground ; 
And here were men a sellin' it to everyone 'twould 

buy. 
Where anyone could see them who possessed a half an 

eye; 
And then we wondered more and more if christian 

men could sell 
The ' ' privilege ' ' these fellows had, then turn around 

and tell 
The public — through the papers — that no liquors 

would be sold, 
And have the people undeceived, before their lie was 

cold. 
And farther on was music, that was comin' from a hall, 
And when we got up closer, we could hear somebody 

call 
The changes of a dance within, and through the open 

door 
Could see the dancers promenade across the dancin' 

floor ; 



68 UNCLE ALVIN AT h6mE AND ABROAD. 

And right beside the entrance was a person that we 

knew 
A-dealin out a beverage that wasn't " honey dew," 
But looked a sight like lager beer, to all the thirsty 

men — 
For women don't get dry for beer, exceptin' now and 

then. 
And here the "cheat" appeared again, as plain as 

anywhere, 
That's practiced by the people who had gotten up the 

fair : 
They'd said, in all the papers, that 'twould be amoral 

show. 
To which the most refined of folks would find it nice 

to go; 
And men could take their families, to spend a holiday. 
Without their seein' things to make them wish they'd 

stayed away. 
And just as we were startin' home — before we left the 

ground — 
We saw a fellow carryin' a lettered banner round, 
Sayin' on every side of it, that entrance would be free 
All nighty to those who wished to dance, or those who 

wished to see. 
And we began to wonder more about this "moral 

show," 
While thinkin' what a pretty place ' twould be for girls 

to go: 
And what a heightened moral treat this dance afforded 

those 



INSIDE THE FAIR. 69 

Who hanker for such pleasure, if their parents don't 

oppose. 
The gates are open all night long, to take in all that 

come, 
Alike from virtue's cultured home, or from the lowest 

slum. 
And none to challenge any's right to be in any set, 
Provided he will pay, with any " partner " he can get: 
And who don't know the characters that flock to such 

a place ? 
And who can share their pleasures without sharin' 

their disgrace ? 
And yet the managers of this reputed moral show. 
Become a party, by consent, to things so base and low 
That no reputed journalist would dare to print the 

name. 
And even hints of it would tinge a modest cheek with 

shame. 
And I went home a thinkin', but I haven't solved it 

yet. 
How long the church of God must wait before its 

members get 
That common sense that's sanctified enough to not 

consent 
To every plan of Satan to extend his government, 
By that old stale device of his, " the nickle in the slot, ' ' 
For which they seemed so willin' to endorse a 

"dance" or "trot," 
Under the worst conditions for the fosterin' of truth, 
But best for the corruptin' of the virtue of our youth. 



70 UNCIvE ALVIN AT HOMK AND ABROAD. 

I don't know as the most of fairs are planned, and 

mostly run, 
On sucli a "free and easy " scale as people found this 

one; 
But I have my suspicions — though of course, I do not 

know — 
That few of them are models, as a place for folks to go. 
A fair, itself, is good enough, if nothin but a fair. 
And may be made attractive by the people's bringin' 

there. 
Not only fruits of nature, but the handiwork of art, 
Knough to spur the laggin' mind, and educate the 

heart. 
And have it free from every scheme of doubtful ten- 
dency. 
And good enough for parents and their families to see. 
But when the managers of fairs adroitly sandwich in 
The beer, and trot, and smutty dance, to lure folks on 

to sin. 
It looks to me as if 'twas time for christians to pro- 
test. 
And do at least as much as this : refuse to be their 

guest; 
For if they haven't "vim" enough, to make their 

protest heard, 
I'm sure that they can make it felt, and needn't say a 

word. 
The absence of their "quarter," and their absence 

from the crowd. 
Would give their protest quite a voice, and make it 

pretty loud; 



TO THE BOYS. 7^ 

So loud, that if repeated with persistence, year by 

year, 
The managers — though stupid— would be very apt to 

hear ; 
And hear where they are sensitive, in an emphatic way. 
Because, without a patronage, the fairs would fail to 

pay. 
Let public sentiment compel exhibits to be clean. 
Which ask for public patronage, by lettin' it be seen 
That nothin' else is tolerated ; then, and not before. 
These "smutty " exhibitions will be offered them no 

more. 



UNCLE ALVIN TO THE BOYS. 

Say, boys, I'd like to tell you, if you'll let me have 

your ear — 
Now you are gettin' old enough — some things you 

ought to hear. 
It may be you have noticed, if you've given it a 

thought. 
How boys begin a habit without ever bein' taught. 
It doesn't matter any what the habit is to be, 
You start it just to follow some example that you see. 
For instance : when a fellow that is bigger, some, 

than you. 
Is doin' almost anything he hadn't ought to do. 
There's somethin' in your bosom that at once begins 

the plea 
That you can do the very same, and just as well as he ; 



72 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And SO, to prove it to yourself, at once begin to try. 
And practice it as often as you can, upon the sly ; 
And bye and bye, as you succeed — no matter what it 

be— 
You feel a little pride, at last, in lettin' others see. 
At first, you gather up the " stubs " which men have 

thrown away, 
And beg a match, and have a smoke, as often as you 

may; 
And when you get a nickel which you dare to spend, 

you go 
And buy a box of cigarettes, and then you have a 

show. 
Again, you're in the company of men and boys some- 
where. 
And in their conversation you will sometimes hear 

them swear ; 
And you will think it manly just to talk as others do. 
And use the same expressions, and will soon be 

swearin', too. 
And like as not there's some of you who possibly may 

think 
'Twill help to make a man of you if you can learn to 

drink ; 
But, boys, I want to tell you that it's better to be 

clean. 
And let your lips be pure and sweet, no matter what 

you've seen. 
If people who are older haven't sense enough to think '^ 
That whisky and tobacco are not good to chew and 

drink, 



TO THE BOYS. 73 

Why, then you'd better show them, by the contrast 

there will be 
Between themselves and those who keep from such a 

habit free. 
You set it down as certain that with whisky in your 

skin 
Your manhood has gone out as fast as whisky has 

come in. 
The two don't dwell together, for they never can abide 
The presence of each other long in any human hide : 
The manhood will assert itself and dominate the soul, 
Or whisky burn the manhood out and have the full 

control. 
And, boys, to think that human lips which never 

breathe a prayer. 
Or thank the Lord for anything, should ever curse and 

swear ; 
And if you think it manly, boys, to do a thing so 

mean. 
There must be somethin' wrong about your reckonin' 

machine : 
I'll tell you 'tisn't manly, but it's everything that's 

low 
For either boys or men to treat the Lord Almighty so. 
You do a little thinkin', boys, and don't you imitate 
The sins of anybody else — however small or great. 
You'll grow to manhood faster, and will be a better 

man, 
To keep yourselves as far away from vices as you can. 
Another thing you ought to know — I guess, perhaps 

you do — 



74 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

That all the world's best places wait for those who' re 

always true. 
It looks, sometimes, I will admit, like fightin' with 

your fate, 
To have the world ag'in you, in the way they operate ; 
But truth, my boy, is mightier, and does more for a 

man. 
And gives a boy a higher boost than ever falsehoods 

can. 
You try it, boys, and keep your lips unsullied by a lie. 
And you'll see how 'twill help you in life's struggles, 

bye and bye. 
And there's another thing, my boys, it gives me pain 

to see, 
And makes the one who does it seem as mean as mean 

can be ; 
And that is makin' anyone a butt of ridicule; 
No matter where it happens, on the streets, or at the 

school — 
Either because they haven't got the nicest kind of 

clothes. 
Or, possibly, don't know as much as t'other fellow 

knows. 
You may have seen them do it, boys, or if you ever do, 
Just ask yourself how you would feel if that poor boy 

was you ? 
Of course, there's lots of boobies, who are big enough 

for men. 
Who haven't got the common sense of boys of eight 

or ten ; 



TO THE BOYS. 75 

Who seem to take a pleasure in tormentin' persons so, 
Who don't know quite as much, perhaps, as these boys 

think they know : 
But boobies wearin' whiskers often give themselves 

away, 
Like donkeys wearin' horses' hides, as often as they 

bray. 
Don't you become a booby, boys, and don't you ridi- 
cule 
A person dressed in shabby clothes, a cripple or a fool. 
If you can wear a better suit than they, you may be 

glad. 
But wearin' seedy clothes, my boy, is never half as 

bad 
As bein' mean to anyone, no matter what they do, 
Or whether they don't know as much or dress as well 

as you. 
It's their misfortune if they don't, and they are not 

to blame, 
And if they were, your mockin' them would be an 

act of shame. 
You'd better be a manly boy, however large or small, 
And show that you have self-respect, by bein' kind 

to all. 
And then, my boys, you'll find this world a busy place 

to live, 
And some one has to gather all the honey for the hive. 
The things which give you comfort, both to eat and 

drink and wear. 
Don't gather of their own accord, without somebody's 

care ; 



76 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOMIi; AND ABROAD. 

It takes a lot of thinkin', and a lot of work beside, 
To gather up the things you need and have your 

wants supplied ; 
And you can't be expected, as a manly boy, to shirk 
The burdens that must fall on you in such a world of 

work : 
So don't you get a notion that you'll take it easy long, 
Or wear your muscles out in play when you get big 

and strong ; 
But jerk your jackets off, my boys, and be a little man, 
By doin' any honest work the very best you can. 
Let fools and dudes stick up their nose because your ' 

hands are black, 
But, boys, if you have self-respect you'll never snivel 

back. 
But jog along as unconcerned as though they wasn't- 

there, 
For those who sneer at honest work are no good any- 
where. 
And then, my boys, if I were you, because so much 

depends, 
I think I'd take a look ahead and see how this life 

ends ; 
Because, you know, there'll come a time — and you 

don't know how quick — 
When you won't feel like work or play, because 

you're very sick ; 
And when some undertaker '11 hang some crape upon 

the door, 
And people passin' by the house will say "he is no 

more. ' ' 



TO THE BOYS. 'J'] 

And tenderly some lovin' hands will take your lifeless 

clay, 
And in a little narrow house will bury it away. 
But, boys, there's somethin' after that, for livin' here 

below 
Is not the only stoppin' place that you and I shall 

know : 
There's somethin' said about a place, in some old book 

I've read, 
Where people have a consciousness after the body's 

dead ; 
And if it's so — as we believe — we cannot well afford 
To set aside the counsel and the wishes of the Lord. 
And so I'd study that old book a little every day, 
Which tells about that other life, and points us out 

the way : 
And I am satisfied He knows just what His people 

need, 
And how to get them safe to heaven, if they will let 

him lead. 
And is it strange to you, my boys, if people disobey 
The counsel He has given them, that they should lose 

the way, 
And when they reach the crossin' they should ascer- 
tain, too late. 
The way which they had traveled didn't reach the 

' ' pearly gate ?' ' 
Would you be disappointed much to find you'd missed 

the place 

Which you supposed awaited you, provided by His 
grace, 



78 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And found, instead of golden streets and crowns of 

victory, 
That "outer darkness" was your lot for all eternity? 
I think there's somethin' said somewhere, if I have 

read it right. 
That those who don't obey His word are banished 

from His sight : 
And how could He be Lord at all, without some sort 

of way 
To punish disobedience, in those who disobey ? 
So then, my boys, it's better, is it not, for you to fight 
Whatever may be in you that prevents your doin' right? 
And when you find how weak you are to conquer it 

alone. 
Just ask the One to lend a hand who sits upon the 

Throne ; 
And sure as you're a livin' boy, the help which you 

require 
Will come as quick as messages on telegraphic wire ; 
And you'll be sure He heard you by the sweet con- 
tent you feel. 
And by your love for what is good, which is the 

Spirit's seal. 
There'll come a time to most of you, somewhere along 

the route. 
Where what we call " the cloudy days " will shut the 

sunshine out ; 
And like enough, along with them, will come a sud- 
den dart. 
And leave an awful achin' as it passes through your 

heart ; 



TO THE BOYS. 79 

And, may be, things may look awhile as though they 

all combine 
And hedge you so completely round that hope can 

scarcely shine : 
But, boys, if you'll be true to Him, and follow the old 

chart. 
The darkness that is 'round about can't get into your 

heart; 
His smile will make a sunshine that will send you en 

your way 
As happy as the King's own son, through any kind of 

day. 
Pon't ever get a notion, whether life goes smooth or 

not, 
That things are gettin' muddled, and your Father has 

forgot ; 
Some things which you don't understand, may come 

because of sin, 
And other things will happen, as a needed discipline; 
But He who set you goin', in this journey, has His 

plan, ' 
And He knows how to work it out for every boy or 

man. 
And you just let Him have His way, and do as He 

commands, 
And it won't take you long to see your P'ather under- 
stands. 
And what a comfort it will be, and how 'twill give 

you rest. 
To feel the sweet assurance that your Father knoweth 

best— 



8o UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

For you will come to places where 'twill trouble you 

to know, 
Without some wiser counsel, where your feet had bet- 
ter go, 
And then, because you love Him, and He knows you 

really try, 
He'll let his spirit lead you, and " will guide you with 

His eye," 
And you shall feel His presence, that will fill your 

heart with song. 
And when you would be timid. He will make you 

brave and strong ; 
And when the flesh is weary with the burdens that 

you bear. 
You'll find it very restful, if you'll spend a while in 

prayer ; 
There's such a combination of the body with the soul, 
That what pervades the spirit will at length pervade 

the whole. 
But don't you get impatient, in your haste to be a 

man ; 
But you enjoy your childhood just as fully as you can. 
The years will, doubtless, seem to you, as movin' 

rather slow, 
But they will be beyond your reach almost before you 

know. 
For you can be as loyal as a boy as when a man. 
For all your life is taken into God's eternal plan ; 
And He is as delighted with a young life that's true 
To meet the obligations that are given it to do, 



TO THE BOYS. 8 1 

As with the grey-haired fathers, who have fearlessly 

withstood 
The shock of many battles, with what fortitude they 

could. 
Be glad and happy : that don't mean that you're to 

have no care, 
And cast on some one else the burdens which you 

ought to bear; 
It simply means a spirit that will make you lend a 

hand 
Wherever one is needed, and you've one at your com- 
mand. 
And do it to be helpful ; not in a commercial way, 
Drivin' a sort of bargain, just because you think 'twill 

pay; 
For that's the kind of spirit, if you let it get control. 
Which fosters only selfishness, and surely dwarfs the 

soul. 
And prompts the sort of actions which the most of you 

have seen. 
And made you feel, instinctively, that they were small 

and mean ; 
But strive to see what gladness and what sunshine you 

can fling 
Across the path of others, and how you can make them 

sing. 
Because your actions show them that you have a little 

care. 
And feel a little sympathy with burdens that they bear. 
Don't ever get a notion that you either know it all, 



82 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD, 

Or that you know so little that your chance is very 

small : 
For if you get conceited, you have closed the avenue 
Through which the best of knowledge could have ever 

come to you ; 
And if you get despondent, by an underestimate 
Of what there may be in you, then your chances are 

as great 
That you won't ever come to much — or much won't 

come to you, 
As if you thought you knew so much you hadn't 

much to do. 
But you remember, always, that the ordinance of God, 
For every person who would rise, is just to plod, and 

plod ; 
But don' t expect that you can rise by loadin' up your 

wings 
With lots of either useless or with really harmful 

things; 
And he who undertakes it, with some foolish habits, 

plods. 
No matter what his energy, against a fearful odds. 
Erect a lofty standard, bo5'S, of what you mean to be. 
And hold your course to reach it with a great per- 
sistency ; 
Weak-hearted aims and purposes, however good they 

seem, 
Will end about where they began, in just a pleasant 

dream. 
You'll find a lot of places on your way, if you succeed, 



A STRANGE COMBINE. 83 

To practice self-denial in the the things you think you 

need ; 
And lots of other places where you'll find that you 

must be 
A sort of tyrant to desires, and rule relentlessly. 
But life is not a pastime, and success is not in dreams, 
And self-denial not the cross, by half, it often seems : 
You'll come to see beyond them, and go through them 

to your goal. 
And find that your exalted aims have lifted up your 

soul. 



A STRANGE COMBINE. 

We've got an institution which, to use a common 

slang, 
Has made a reputation as a sort of "jag shebang." 
It takes the wrecks of manhood when they're ready to 

admit 
That they are bound by appetite so strong they cannot 

quit, 
But who have still a cravin' for the manhood that is 

slain. 
If they can get their shackles off, and once be free 

again ; 
And by a kind of treatment which is provin' a success, 
Will send them back to liberty within a month, or less. 



84 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And then we've got another : it's an institution, too, 

Which has a hundred branches which these patients 
must go through, 

And graduate as drunkards, with an appetite so strong 

That it becomes their master, and it doesn' t take them 
long 

Before they need the treatment of the "jag-cure" on 
the hill, , 

To make their bodies once again the servants of the 
will. 

It takes a lot of money, too, to pass through its de- 
grees, 

And pay the ' ' incidentals ' ' and the graduatin' fees. 

And then we've got another, still, which stands be- 
hind them all ; 

An institution without which the other two must fall. 

And that's the family and home, with branches every- 
where, 

To raise a crop of boys and girls, and have a lot to 
spare ; 

About as farmers raise their crops for home use, and 
the mill. 

Or cattle for their uses, and for some one else to kill : 

The mothers raise their babies while the fathers give 
give consent 

To sell them when they're old enough to bring the 
\ right per cent. 



A STRANGE COMBINE. 85 

And ttiere's a shrewdness in the scheme, which lets 

the boys mature 
Before they're in the market, that the profits may be 

sure, 
For boys of tender age would run a short race to their 

fall, 
And yield but little revenue to Old King Alcohol. 
And so the combination has decreed a strong decree. 
That minors must not take the course in their minority. 
Of course, there are precocious youths who do it, all 

the same. 
But, then, the combination, in such cases, ain't to 

blame. 

And these three institutions work together like a 
charm, 

About as mill and slaughter-house go nicely with the 
farm. 

With just this little difference, that profits which arise 

Go mostly to the others, than who furnish the sup- 
plies. 

While the saloon and "jag shebang" can pocket all 
the gains. 

The institution back of them must suffer all the pains; 

And yet they're in this strange combine, as it would 
seem, to stay. 

If not for generations yet, at least for many a day. 



86 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 



POLITICAL EQUALITY. 

Dot Voman's Demperance Union got von hifalutin' 

plan 
To gif demselves bolitical eguality mit man ; 
Dey advertise von sbeaker vhich dey get from off 

somevhere, 
To dell our zity peoples how oppressed and crushed 

dey are ; 
Dey hire de zity opera, which costs dem quite a sum, 
Und scadder hantbills all aroun', invitin' us to come ; 
Und if I don't get purty zick, my name ain't Uncle 

Zeke 
If I don't takes mineself along to hear dot voman 

sbeak. 

Bolitical eguality is vhat she sbeaks about, 

Und I feel sort ov curious to zee vhat she makes out ; 

I s'pose dot she vill tell us dot eguality denotes 

Dot voman must be egual mit her husband vhen he 

votes ; 
But vhedder she vill tell us dot to get de rights dey 

seek 
De vimin must develop shust de same amount of 

"cheek," 
Und get de same eguality in all dose dirty dricks 
Vhich makes de men successful in de field ov bolitics. 
Is vhat I vants to hear her for ; I vant her to oxblain 
How any such eguality will be for voman's gain. 



POLITICAL EQUALITY. 87 

De men vill nig and lie and fight about deir candidates, 
Und mud each oder's characters at most indecent rates; 
Dey buy und sell und even swop on every sort of plan 
To garry out deir liddle schemes, und kill de oder man : 
Und if eguality must mean dot vimin must eat dirt, 
As many ov deir husbands do, deir morals might get 

hurt ; 
For men — though dirty dogs demselves, und every- 

ting dot's mean — 
Vill still insist dot vimin must be virtuous und clean. 

Und if dey gits eguality, about vhich she vill sbeak, 

I vonder if dey vouldn't get some tings dey didn't 
seek ; 

Und if dey vould valk bravely through dem clouds ov 
backer smoke 

To exercise de franchise, in de rights vhich dey in- 
voke. 

Von ting is almost certain deir enfranchisement vould 
bring. 

Dot old machine ov bolitics vould need a bigger ring, 

Or else dem vhiskered bosses vould most likely hear a 
crash, 

Und zee some schemes und swops ov deirs go shure 
enough to smash. 

If voman's votes vould help redeem de nation's bolitics 
From half de nasty schemin' und de vickedest ov 

tricks, 
Ov vhich de men are guilty, ve can veil afford to say 



88 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

To dose ve call our better halves, ' ' You vote ; of 

course you may." 
But, den, ve vouldn't do it, not by quite von little bit, 
For half a dozen reasons ve're too vicked to admit. 
If vimin got de franchise, und should use it as dey 

might, 
Dey'd prove dot ve vas cowards, in not standin' for de 

right. 

Ve can do vhat ve vant, as a peoples, every year, 
Und only have such customs as ve rather vould be 

here ; 
Ve makes such laws as suits us, und ve put such tings 

avay 
As in our simple judgment vould be better than to 

stay : 
But how 'twould look for vimin, who ve call de veak- 

er half. 
To bring a reformation, und to give us men de langh. 
Und dot is vhere it pinches, in dis country, vhich is 

free. 
To let de vimin prove deir rights to have eguality. 



THE bishop's prayer. 89 

THE BISHOP'S PRAYER. 
(Ai the Opening of the World'' s Fair at Chicago.) 

That was a great occasion, and its like was never 

known, 
At least upon the continent we've learned to call our 

own. 
A hundred thousand people, and with half as many 

more. 
In one great sea of faces, whom the Bishop stood 

before ; 
Gathered from out the families of men which underlie, 
As its secure foundations, this great nationality. 
And it was no small privilege for him to represent. 
On such a great occasion, all the christian sentiment 

PRAYER BY THE REV. BISHOP CHARLES H. 
FOWLER, D. D., LL. D. 
At the hiaugural Exercises at Chicago. 
(buffalo christian advocate.) 
Almighty God, Our Heavenly Father, Thou art the 
one only true God, eternal, immortal, invisible, 
blessed over all forevermore. We come before Thee 
to worship Thee, to render unto Thee thanksgiving, 
to confess our helplessness, and to invoke thy bless- 
ing upon us. Thou art God. Thou hast created all 
things. Thou hast made the world and all things 
therein. Thou art Lord of heaven and earth. Thou 
hast made of one blood all nations of men, for to dwell 
on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the 
times before appointed and the bounds of their habi- 



90 UNCI.E ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Of not this continent alone, but of all Christendom, 

Here where the mass of peoples are expected soon to 
come. 

It was not as a single man that he was standin' there, 

But he was voicin' sentiment of millions in his prayer. 

He told the lyord a lot o' things, and told it eloquent, 

Concernin' who and what He was, and of His gov- 
ernment, 

And what He had been doin' since our nation had its 
birth, 

By makin' it a beacon-light to nations of the earth ; 

And how He had unfolded, from the scroll of history 
past. 

His own divine conceptions, which were ripenin' so 
fast, 

And bringin' in a heritage for all humanity, 

tation. As a people whom Thou hast exalted, we 
worship Thee. Before the majesty of Thy power and 
the all-consuming glory of Thy presence, angels and 
archangels veil their faces. Thrones and dominions 
and principalities and powers prostrate themselves. 
Yet, we, the members of a fallen race, children of a 
wayward family, urged by our dire necessities, en- 
couraged by Thine unbreakable promises, emboldened 
by Thine infinite love, inspired by Thy life-giving 
spirit, and sheltered by the all-sufficient atonement, 
press our way up to the very steps of Thy throne and 
worship Thee, because Thou hast told us that in spite 
of our littleness and in spite of our sinfulness we may 
come, in the way Thou hast appointed, with boldness, 
even to the mercy-seat. Thou hast that supreme 
power which is incapable of wearying, aud that su- 



THE bishop's prayer. 9I 

Whose culminatin' glory should make all the nations 

free. 
And then he asked God's blessings on the men of 

every land, 
To hasten with more rapid strides a destiny so grand : 
And if, when he had said all that, his prayer had 

ended then, 
The christian hearts of every land would answer back 

"Amen!" 
But he went on to tell the I,ord what had been doin' 

there, 
By those who had the management of this great 

comin' fair ; 
What obstacles they'd conquered, and what triumphs 

they had won, 



preme wisdom which is incapable of blundering, and 
that supreme love which is incapable of upbraiding, 
and we come unto Thee asking that Thou wilt 
strengthen us in our weakness, guide us in our blind- 
ness, teach us in our ignorance, father us in our or- 
phanage, pity us in our penitence, and save us in our 
faith, and so help us that we may acceptably worship 
Thee. We bless Thee, we praise Thee, we laud and 
magnify Thy holy name. 

We thank Thee for the overflowing goodness which 
Thou hast manifested to us, exceeding abundant above 
all that we can ask or think. We thank thee for the 
revelation of Thyself in Thy Son to take away all sin, 
in Thy Spirit to quicken every virtue, in Thy word to 
dispel every superstition, in Thy providence to protect 
from every evil. We thank Thee especially for Thy 



93 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Till much of what they'd started was at last so nearly 

done. 
And then I noticed, for the first, the honored Bishop's 

lip _ 
Had dropped its thread of narrative, and here began 

to skip : 
He didn't tell the gracious I^ord — as t-ruthfully he 

might — 
That through these same ojQScials He (the Lord) had 

lost the fight, 
And that these fair commissioners had hankered so for 

gold 
That for it they'd consented that his Christ should 

here be sold ; 
That here they had consented to the layin' of a snare 
For every unsuspectin' foot that comes to see the fair ; 

favoring providence, which has ordered the unfolding 
of our history as a people, and the shaping of our des- 
tiny as a nation. Thou didst keep this New World in 
the thick clouds that surround thy purposes and didst 
reserve it for the high honors of thy maturing kingdom. 
In the fullness of time thou didst bring it to the 
knowledge of men by the wisdom and prowess and 
faith of Thy servant Columbus. Thou didst so inspire 
his mind and direct his thought by signs on the sur- 
face of the sea and by the flight of birds through the 
depths of the air that the southern continent of the 
Western hemisphere was open to southern Europe, and 
this northern continent was preserved for another 
people and another destiny. Thus thou didst launch 
upon the tide of history in the two continents of the 
New World two new and great and mutually helpful 



THE bishop's prayer. 93 

That here the gates of sin and vice might be thrown 

open wide, 
To swallow down humanity which ventures on its tide; 
That here the nations of the world might come to see 

the shame 
Which these commissioners have brought on every 

christian name. 
Ah, no ! he didn't tell the Lord this awful compromise 
Which ought to bring the tears of shame to "all our 

weepin' eyes ;" 
But after roundly laudin' all the workin's of their 

hand. 
He asked the blessin' of the Lord on all that they had 

planned. 
We would not wish to criticise — indeed, we would not 

dare — 

nations. We thank Thee for thy favoring providence. 
Thou didst speak to our fathers, heroic and great men, 
men of prayer and power, and bade them come to this 
open land and plant here in the wilderness great insti- 
tutions for the elevation of the race, to consecrate 
these vast valleys and endless plains to freedom, to 
free ideas and free conscience, to the sanctity of the 
private home and the inalienability of individual rights. 
We thank Thee for the glorious history we have in- 
herited ; for Crecy, for Smithfield, and for IMarston 
Moor, for Lexington and Fort Sumpter, for Yorktown 
and Appomattox, these throbbing achievements of our 
patriotism. We thank Thee for Washington and Lin- 
coln, for Webster and Clay, for Jefferson and Jackson, 
and for Grant — these beacon lights of the republic, 
We thank thee for the mighty hosts of the heroic dead. 



94 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

An exercise which we regard as sacred as a prayer ; 
But with the facts so widely known, could he be 

ignorant 
Of their official action, with congressional consent, 
By which the greatest foe to God, and to the human 

race. 
Became a partner in this fair, and took an honored 

place ? 
Did he not know — this man of God, who told the 

lyord so much — 
That alcoholic liquors hold a curse for all they touch ? 
That these commissioners who heard the voicin' of 

his prayer 
Had sold the ' ' privilege ' ' to men for sellin' liquors 

there ? 



and for the priceless lesson they have taught us in 
patriotism, in valor, in statesmanship, and in sacrifice. 
We thank thee for 60,000,000 of free, heroic, patriotic 
citizens ; for the open Bible, the open school, and the 
open church ; for unprecedented growth, abundant 
prosperity, multiplied inventions, unnumbered li- 
braries, countless newspapers, many colleges, great 
universities, ubiquitous benevolences, universal peace, 
uninterrupted happiness, and untarnished honor. We 
thank Thee for emancipated manhood and exalted 
womanhood. We thank Thee for a free conscience, 
by a free church, in a free State, for a free people. 
For these precious and priceless blessings that make 
life valuable and kindle quenchless hopes for this 
world and for the world to come, we thank Thee. 
Now, O Lord our God, grateful for America, with 



THE bishop's prayer. 95 

And now they ask, like Balak, that the man of God 

will bless 
The good and bad which they have done, together, in 

a mess. 
And sanctify the whole of it, that all the world may 

see 
That nothin' dangerous can come of this great jubilee. 
Balaam — though not a model of the prophets of his 

day — 
Had loyalty enough to God to outwardly obey ; 
And when he went, an hireling by a bribe from 

Balak' s hand. 
To stand before Jehovah, and bring back the Lord's 

command. 
He dared not curse the people whom the Lord designed 

to bless, 

her great republics and civil governments and free in- 
stitutions, we ask thy continued blessings upon us. 
Bless this nation, so heavily freighted with bene- 
dictions for mankind. Bless the President of the 
United States in his high official character. Hear us 
while we tarry to pray thy blessing on his family in 
the stress of this hour. While the warm sympathies 
of the nation are poured into this our foremost and 
representative home, may the comfort of thy grace 
abound in that Christian family, and may thy tender 
care preserve it unbroken for an example for many 
years to come. Bless the secretaries, the president's 
constitutional advisers, the judges of the Supreme 
Court, the senators, and congressmen of the United 
States, the governors of the several commonwealths, 
and all in official and responsible places. Bless the 



96 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Nor change a word of his command, to make it more 
or less. 

Oh, Balaam ! had you lived 'til now, the culture of 
to-day 

Would tone those honest scruples of your heart, some- 
what, away ; 

And like as not you'd get the bribe your poor heart 
coveted, 

By changin' just a little of the words your Lord had 
said : 

Too honest and too scrupulous for cultured times like 
these. 

When prayers are said, and speeches made, the popu- 
lace to please ; 

With not a word from Bishop, or from orator, to chide 

The nation's representatives for throwin' open wide 

officers of the army and of the navy, and the men who 
stand for the defense of our flag. We pray Thee to 
bless the women of America. Favored above their 
sisters in all the world with open doors to varied 
activities, with honorable recognition in the responsi- 
bilities of life and of character, and with large ro.om in 
society for the use and development of their gifts and- 
acquirements and abilities, may they show to all the 
women of the world the true dignity and glory of 
Christian womanhood. We pray Thee to bless the 
great body of our citizens, that they may improve and 
perpetuate their patrimony. Bless the honorable and 
learned professions in our land, that we may have 
wise laws, just administrations, efficient remedies, be- 
nign faiths, and helpful sciences. Bless the great body 
of the wage-earners, and may labor and capital meet. 



THE bishop's prayer. 97 

This world's great exposition, the more widely to 
proclaim 

To all our guests from every land our peril and our 
shame. 

We wonder what Elijah would have done had he been 
there, 

And been the honored Bishop that was puttin' up that 
prayer : 

Would he stretch out his sturdy hands — so mighty 
with the sword. 

Over a compromise with hell, and utter not a word 

Of scathin' reprimand for sin, so mighty to oppose 

The kingdom of his Master, and so full of human woes ; 

A thing indelicate to do, and sure to give offense, 

And bring him lots of censure, as his worldly recom- 
pense ? 

mingle, and thrive together on the basis of the New 
Testament. Bless all the people from every land that 
flow into our population, that all of every clime and 
color and race may enjoy the blessings of righteous- 
ness and justice and protection and security under our 
flag and on every yard of our soil. Bless us as a people 
with enlarging intelligence and widening charities and 
ever improving health and abounding liberality. Sanc- 
tify our homes, multiply our children, and continue 
our prosperity. Above all things, make us eminent 
for righteousness, a nation whose God is the Lord. 
We pray thee to bless the president and general man- 
ager of this exposition, and these commissioners, and 
the men and women who have toiled amid many anx- 
ieties and uncertainties for so many months to crown 
this undertaking with success. May they have such 

7 



98 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

But if the many centuries which moved so slowly past 
Leave him as much a hero now as when we saw him 

last, 
We think these fair commissioners, most likely, would 

have heard, 
From lips which were divinely touched, another kind 

of word 
Than fulsome praise for deeds like these, which openly 

defy 
The whole world's christian sentiment for all human- 
ity. 
'Twas not a pleasant place to stand — that place he 

occupied 
On that historic mountain, where he stemmed the 

swellin' tide 
Of Israel's idolatry, and blew his trumpet blast, 

wisdom and help from Thee for their difficult and del- 
icate duties that they may deserve and receive the 
grateful remembrance of their fellow-citizens. We 
invoke Thy choicest blessings upon our guests, upon 
those who come hither from distant lands and climes 
to unite with us in this great enterprise, whether they 
come from the rulers of the earth that they may see 
and report what is doing in these ends of the world, 
or to represent the arts that have matured through the 
ages, or to set forth the triumphs of genius, the me- 
chanical and industrial achievements that are en- 
riching our times, we pray Thee to bless them and 
keep them in health and safety while they are in our 
midst. Keep their families and interests in their dis- 
tant home, in peace and prosperity. May their return 
to their homes be in safety and comfort, carrying 



THE bishop's prayer. 99 

Which challenged all the hosts of Baal to measure 

strength at last 
With him alone — a man of God — to. a test that should 

require 
That He who would be God, henceforth, should an- 
swer prayer by fire. 
It was not courtin' favor of the king's authority 
Which nerved his arm to strike that blow against 

idolatry, 
Until his sword had drank the blood of every priest 

that led 
Backslidin' Israel from God, and every one lay dead. 
It was not pleasant to be chased, like hunted beast of 

prey, 
An outlaw from the face of men, in peril night and 

day, 

with them many kindly memories of this land and of 
this city. 

Bless, we pray Thee, the great nations they repre- 
sent. Bless the great Republic of France, that rising 
sun of liberty on the shores of Europe. Bless the Re- 
public of Switzerland, and the Republics of South 
America, and the Republic of Mexico, and the Re- 
publics of Central America. May the torches they 
hold up in the world never go out or burn dimly. 
Bless the free government of Great Britain, with her 
many and vast dependencies. Bless the lands of 
Scandinavia with their heroic sons and daughters. 
Bless the Empire of Germany with its advancing mil- 
lions. Bless Italy, the cradle of Columbus, with her 
history and her hopes. Bless genial and sunny Spain, 
the land of Ferdinand and Isabella, the helpers of 



lOO UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And have a price put on his head, and have his only 

fare 
What bread and meat a raven's wings and raven's 

beak could bear ; 
And be for months and weary years most strictly a 

recluse, 
And when not fed by ravens, livin' off a widow's cruse: 
But God required some agency to go before that throng. 
And thunder his anathemies against a mighty wrong. 
And though he did not choose a work so difficult, but 

grand. 
He could not shrink from doin' what he heard his 

Lord command. 
And if I read my Bible right, no prophets have been 

sent 
To wicked men or nations, to present a compliment 

Columbus. Bless Russia, the steady and fearless 
friend of the United States, with her millions of sub- 
jects and of acres and of wants. Bless Austria. 
Bless China, populous China and Japan, and Corea 
and Turkey and Africa, and all the nations of the 
earth, whatever their form of government or type of 
religion. May the truths they hold be nourished. 
May the light they have received grow brighter and 
brighter to the perfect day. May the liberties they 
have reached be perpetuated and multiplied till all the 
nations of the earth shall be freed from error, from 
superstition, and from oppression, and shall enjoy the 
blessing of righteousness, of liberty, of equality, and 
of brotherhood, with Thy perpetual favor. We pray 
Thy blessing upon America in an especial manner, 
according to her responsibilities. May she come up 



THE bishop's prayer. IOI 

For layin' snares adroitly, with so much that may be 
good, 

That to the iinsuspectin' they are little understood, 

And hence they fall an easy prey, while yieldin' to the 
charm 

Of pleasure's silken voice that sings, their scruples to 
disarm. 

What prophets were in times of old, as it appears to 
me. 

Those who stand nearest to the Lord in modern times 
should be ; 

Not courtin' favor with the world, but mighty for de- 
fense 

Of that for which they're chosen and sent out by Prov- 
idence ; 



to the character thou requirest of her. ]\Iay she ac- 
complish the exalted work of heljDing to draw the 
nations of the earth into a close and friendly brother- 
hood that shall practice the arts of peace and go forth 
to war no more forever. May our republic grow 
stronger in the hearts of the people and in the respect 
of sister nations as the ages roll by. May she grow 
rich in intelligence, in educational resources, in the 
fine arts, in the sciences, in the productive industries, 
and in the great wealth of noble and righteous char- 
acter that shall make her the friend of all nations, to 
whom the needy nations shall turn for help, the be- 
wildered for counsel, the weak for protection, the 
strong for wisdom, and all for fellowship ; and may 
she fill the world for future ages with the gladness and 
glory of our Christian civilization. 



I02 UNCLE AIvVIN AT HOMK AND ABROAD. 

The truth of God^ all righteousness^ and strike their 

hardest blows 
At those who take the foremost rank among his Mas- 
ter'' s foes. 
This prayer was great, not only in the manner which 

it plead, 
But great in its omissions, in the things it left unsaid; 
Not one in all that throng would know, from hearin' 

while he prayed. 
That any giant wrongs were done, or compromises 

made ; 
Or would suspect, from hearin' him address a throne 

of grace. 
That these whom he was blessin' had defied Him to 

His face ; 



O Almighty God, we are gathered here within these 
walls and within these gates from our national capital, 
and from every city and section of our wide domain, 
and from all the lands of the earth, to acknowledge 
Thee ; and in Thy name, and in the name of the 
government of the United States, and in the name of 
the people of the United States, to dedicate these 
buildings and these grounds to the uses and purposes 
of the World's Columbian Exposition. We pray Thy 
blessing upon this undertaking, that it may bring 
glory to Thy name and benedictions to mankind. 

Now, O Lord our Father, we pray Thy blessing 
upon this multitude. In Thy great mercy forgive the 
sins of each of us and bless us with eternal salvation. 
As this assembly will scatter and soon be gone, may 
each one be ready to stand in that great assembly 



THE bishop's prayer. IO3 

That christian sentiment had plead, but always plead 
in vain, 

That this great exposition might be clean from such a 
stain ; 

Or that the Bishop's heart was grieved because of that 
defeat, 

Which let the devil — for a while — usurp his Master's 
seat. 

I don't know as I'm orthodox, because I must declare 

That my poor heart revolted, when I read the Bishop's 
prayer. 

His askin' God to sanction what these Godless men 
had planned. 

Without exceptin' anything, was more than I could 
stand ; 

And I began to wonder if the Bishop really meant 

To ask the I^ord Almighty if He wouldn't give con- 
sent 

To ruin man and womanhood, for whom His Son had 
died. 

Because the " privilege " would pay for space it occu- 
pied ; 



which shall gather before Thy throne, and be per- 
mitted to hear the supreme sentence, "Well done, 
enter thou into the joy of thy Lord." And unto 
Thee, our God and our Father, through Him who is 
the friend of sinners, will we, with the angels that 
stand about the throne, ascribe "blessing and glory 
and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power 
and might forever and ever. Amen." 



104 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Or whether — unbeknown to him — in his embarrass- 
ment, 

Another Spirit than the one by whom he had been 
sent, 

Had, for this great occasion, caused his memory to slip. 

To spare these men the chastisement that might es- 
cape his lip ; 

Or whether, for the moment, it was takin' such a 
lead. 

That when the prayer was printed, it would almost 
seem to read 

Ivike after dinner speeches, which are framed for men 
to hear. 

Instead of bein' framed to reach the King Eternal's 
ear. 

It's not for me to answer, but I almost think I know 

That sanction won't be given — if the Bishop meant it 
so : 

The God of all creation, while he loves His people's 
praise 

Is neither coaxed or flattered to endorse their crooked 
ways, 

For wrong — in all disguise — is wrong, in places high 
or low. 

And everybod}^, soon or late, will harvest what they 
sow. 



A LITTLE HOGGISH. IO5 



A LITTLE HOGGISH. 

The same congress that refused even to consider the 
ravages of the liquor traffic, appropriates $100,000 a 
year to investigate hog cholera : $100,000 outlay to 
save swine from infection ; $100,000,000 income to 
spread contagion in the way of the boys. — Western 
Advocate. 

We wouldn't minify the hog : the place he occupies 
Would bother us to substitute, in matter of supplies ; 
From bristles down to rooter he's important to the 

state. 
And well deserves a little thought from those who 

legislate. 
He puts a lot of money in the tills of Uncle Sam, 
And furnishes his table with his bacon and his ham ; 
He shortens half his pie-crust, and he greases half 

his gear. 
And saves a lot of friction to the nation every year. 

It wouldn't do to leave him to the happenings of fate, 
When he is so important to the progress of the state ; 
A hundred thousand dollars we can well afford to pay 
To keep his mortal enemy — the cholera — away ; 
And then a hundred thousand to investigate the cause, 
And hedge himself and family about with stringent 

laws, 
Regardin' both his diet and condition of his pen, 
Because he's such a factor in the busy lives of men. 



lo6 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD 

But here's the strange condition : there is nothin' in 

the health 
Of all the hogs in Christendom, as elements of wealth, 
Or elements of danger, as a merchandise or meat, 
Except as they're related to the mouths of men that 

eat ; 
And where' s the decent logic of an economic plan 
Which sets a greater value on a hog than on a man ? 
Since hogs would be as valueless as stiles upon the pen, 
Except as they contribute to the common wants of men. 

His value as a factor in the nation's merchandise 
Is measured only by the need his family supplies. 
Preserve the health and lives of men, in this or any 

land. 
And hogs increase in value by increasin' the demand ; 
But such a simple axiom — so plain to any fool — 
Seems out of reach of statesmen of the politician's 

school, 
Whose wisdom — as it's outlined by their latest policy — 
Is killin' off the eaters, while increasin' the supply. 

They legislate to spare the hog, because he represents 
A value they can figure up in dollars and in cents ; 
They also legislate for men, but do it with the brains 
Which only seem to calculate along financial gains, 
And that in superficial ways ; for if they calculate 
They'll find a man is better than a hog, to any state, 
And has a market value — if they know enough to 

weigh — 
Above him in the matter of investments that will pay. 



A LITTLE HOGGISH. IO7 

It looks a little hoggish, does it not, to legislate 
To spend the nation's money freely to investigate 
What causes pigs and hogs to die, and stop it if they 

can, 
And then not spend a dollar to protect the life of man ? 
But they are doin' worse than that — you call it what 

you will : 
They legislate a policy which rather aims to kill — 
Not pigs and hogs, but living men; and does it day 

by day. 
And then are blind enough to think such policy can 

pay. 

We called it hoggish policy, but we will take it back. 
Because it slanders all the race of bristles, white or 

black : 
They may be heavy eaters, but, if they're let alone. 
Rarely become so vicious that they will destroy their 

own. 
The devil may be in them, but not by direct descent. 
For not a single one was left of those in whom he 

went, 
But every one of them were drowned, and buried in 

the sea, 
With not a single scion left as their posterity. 

But he is in the policy which lays its snare for boys. 
By countless open ways of death, and countless sly 

decoys. 
With legislative sanction, or in spite of their decrees, 
And drowns a mighty herd of them in alcoholic seas ; 



Io8 UNCLK AtViN AT" HOME AND ABROAD. 

While those who represent the victims gravely sit in 

state, 
And reach no hand to rescue them, but leave them to 

their fate ; 
Nay, rather, lend their voice and vote, the multitude 

to swell, 
By pavin' this, the broadest way, to the widest gates 

of hell. 



THE LAST ASSESSMENT. 

(The $390 levied upon the prostitutes of the city, 
and paid into the city treasury, recently. ) 

How virtue is exalted, and the moral atmosphere 

Is fumigated by a tax, collected once a year ! 

How decency has been enthroned, and lust has been 

forestalled. 
And prostitution is rebuked till utterly appalled ; 
And white-winged innocence returns, and spreads her 

hands in haste 
Over the scarlet records of the past, which are unchaste. 
And how the loathsome current of diseases have been 

stayed 
From preying on our populace, because this tax was 

paid ! 



THE choir's new " FAD. " I09 

How manhood has been dignified by taxin' human lust 
To run our city government — proclaimin' it as just ; 
And that by laws enacted and administered to raise 
A revenue of decency from such abhorrent ways : 
And what an index finger of the moral estimate 
Which men attach to virtue, do these taxes indicate, 
When they by legislation or judicial acts proclaim 
That cities shall be richer for their houses of ill-fame ! 

We dare not call it beastly, for all animals would cry 
That they were bein' slandered, and pronounce the 

charge a lie. 
Perhaps it may be manly for the sex which has control 
To legalise the business for a portion of the toll, 
And levy on the earnings of the sex without a voice 
Whatever dividends they like, without consent or 

choice. 
Provided they enjoy it ; but it takes a lot o' " gall " 
To parcel out these dividends to benefit us all. 



THE CHOIR'S NEW "FAD." 

We s'pose we shouldn't be surprised at anything we 

see 
Along the line of fashion in high-toned society ; 
For there's a lot of people who have little else to do, 
Than make themselves conspicuous by doin' somethin' 

new. 



no UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And there's a larger number still who love to folio-w- 
on 

In almost any sort of ways where high-toned feet have 
gone ; 

Whose "acme" of ambition seems to be a zealous 
"ad" 

In one way and another for the newest kind of "fad." 

But one would hardly look to see these senseless 
' ' fads ' ' invade 

The sanctuary of the Lord, and there make their pa- 
rade, 

And least of all would one expect — if they were any- 
where — 

That they would thrust their nonsense in the solemn 
act of prayer. 

But, somehow, they have done it ; and the organist 
must play 

Some soft chords on the organ, for the minister to 
pray; 

As though a prayer ascended to the presence of the 
Lord, 

With more of an acceptance for the play in' of a chord. 

They've got a scripture warrant that the instruments 

may play 
To help along the singin', but not help the preacher 

pray; 
For prayer is talkin' to the Lord, and such a solemn 

act 



THE choir's new "FAD." Ill 

Needs concentration of the thoughts, with nothin' to 

distract. 
The biizzin' of an organ, playin' chords for dancin' 

feet, 
Or blendin' with the singin' may be altogether meet ; 
But playin' chords for preachers, while they raise 

their voice in prayer, 
Strikes us as bein' somethin' of a different affair. 

For when a congregation would address the great " I 

Am," 
They ought, at least, to do it without any sort of sham, 
For He is never silly, to mistake such empty plays 
For honest supplication, or for simple, heart-felt 

praise. 
When He has been so gracious, in the months and 

years gone by. 
To recognize our services, and keep us company. 
It seems, indeed, it seems to us, as bein' quite too bad, 
To sandwich in our worship, such an empty, silly 

"fad." 



112 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 



UNCLE ALVIN AT NIAGARA. 

**The last excursion of the year," I read the other 

day, 
AfFordin' opportunity to see grand old Niagara ; 
And for a dollar and a half, to go up there and back, 
And see the sights, and ride above two hundred miles 

of track, 
Seemed like we'd get our money's worth, if we could 

get away, 
And leave the farm and kitchen cares behind us for a 

day. 
We'd been a- wan tin', all these years, to go and see 

the falls. 
But, somehow, when the chances came there' d be so 

i,:-? many calls 
For both our time and money, that the chances slipped 

away. 
While year climbed on the top of year, 'til we are 

growin' gray ; 
And still the cares we have to meet are such a clingin' 

kind. 
It's often mighty difficult to slip them off behind. 
And dump them in a heap somewhere, or lay them on 

a shelf, 
While we get out from under, and can slip oflf by 

ourself. 



AT NIAGARA. II3 

But nature seemed to favor us ; the season was so fine 
We got our summer's work along a bit ahead of time ; 
And nothin' seemed a-crowdin', like, and coaxin' to 

be done, 
As is the case too frequently, to keep us on the run ; 
And Nancy hadn't been away, exceptin' to the fair. 
To loosen up the constant strain of daily wear and tear 
Of wrestlin' with problems which perplex a woman's 

brain, 
And keep her fingers busy, and her muscles on the 

strain. 
For such a long time back that I'm almost ashamed 

to tell. 
And if I really wanted to, I couldn't very well ; 
And I, myself, had worked so long, as farmers have to 

do, 
To keep the work from snarlin', like, and keep it 

pay in', too, 
That I was glad to see a chance to lay aside the strain 
Which makes the years to tell on me as well as Nancy 

Jane ; 
And when I read the notice, why, it seemed to strike 

us so. 
That both of us together said, "I guess we'd better 

go." 
And so the thing was settled, and we'd picked our 

grapes and plums 
To be ahead of frost or thieves, provided either comes ; 
For frosts may be expected almost any pleasant night, 
And thieves, if not expected, are so plenty that they 

might ; 

8 



114 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And Nancy had our luncheon baked, and I had bought 

some cheese, 
And she had found a paste-board box, as handy as 

you please 
To put our picnic dinner in ; so when the mornin' 

came, 
We wasn' t in a flurry, and the both of us to blame. 
But had our things in order, and it didn' t take us long, 
(For, somehow, things move faster when the heart is 

full of song) 
To fix ourselves and get to town, and put our nag 

away, 
And say a benediction on our cares, for just a day. 
And get ourselves among the crowd that was a-comin' 

there. 
Just as the whistles blew for seven — with half an hour 

to spare. 
In buyin' tickets, shakin' hands, and tryin' hard to 

wait. 
Without a little query if the train would not be late. 
But just at seven-thirty, sure enough, somebody 

roared. 
As only a conductor can, and shouted "all aboard." 
And then the engine gathered up, as if to do her best. 
And after snortin' once or twice, she started for the 

west. 
The day was all that one could wish — no su£focatin' 

air, 
No dust a-lightin' in your eyes, and flyin' everywhere; 
No sombre clouds all overhead, begettin' thoughts of 

gloom 



AT NIAGARA. II5 

To people passin' under them, like crape about a 
room, 

But nature seemed a-cro\vdin' all creation with the 

gold 
Of her September loveliness, as full as it could hold, 
And everywhere one turned their eyes, they fell upon 

a scene 
Of purple, gold and scarlet hues, a-blendin' in the 

green ; 
And I don't think if she had been a-doin' it for pay. 
To make our pleasure perfect, she could make a finer 

day. 
We stopped at every station that we found along the 

road. 
And people kept a-comin', 'til the cars got such a load 
That every time the engine tried to gather up the slack, 
Before she got them all to move her wheels would slip - 

the track ; 
But when she got a-goin' how she made the cinders 

fly, 

And kept the trees and fences just a-jumpin' in your 
eye. 

And after all her stoppin', and her startin' up so slow. 

She took us on as fast as I or Nancy cared to go ; 

And everything went on as smooth and regular as 

rhyme, 
And got us to the cataract as advertised — on time. 
Of course, we bein' strangers there, not knowin' 

where to go, 
We joined the stream of people, and we followed in 

the flow 



Il6 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

In the direction of the falls which were not far away, 

Till all of us stood face to face with old Niagara. 

We were delightfully surprised, on goin' from the 
train. 

To meet some friends of other years and shake their 
hands again ; 

And they appeared as gratified at meetin' thus as we ; 

And so, by mutual consent, we kept them company. 

And had the double pleasure of enjoyin' all the roar 

And seein' all the sights we could, and talkin' "by- 
gones" o'er. 

Of course, we pointed for the park, for what else 
could attract 

The thought of any one so near this monster cataract ? 

And got our first installment on the pleasures of the 
day 

By takin' in a little of the sights of Niagara. 

And after viewin' it awhile, the granduer of the sight 

(Or else it was our forenoon's ride) had whet our ap- 
petite. 

Till we concluded it was best to find a nice retreat, 

Where we could keep on seein' while we visited and 
eat. 

Of course, we'd seen it all before, from every point of 
view, 

As well as photographs could show — and they are very 
true ; 

But lookin' at a picture, though as true as true can be, 

Is different from lookin' at a live reality. 

And here, spread out before us, was the wildest poet's 
dream, 



AT NIAGARA. II7 

Wrought ont of rock and water-fall, in noonday's 
brightest beam ; 

The wonder of all ages, which all people come to see, 

And carry on forever thoughts of its immensity. 

We saw the whole of it we could, and tried to realize 

The magnitude of what was there revealed before our 
eyes : 

But as we went from point to point, to gather some- 
thin' new, 

And saw such granduer everywhere, the more our 
wonder grew, 

Till we, at length, were conscious of a sort of name- 
less awe, 

While standin' in the presence of the mighty things 
we saw. 

We thought we might describe them some, but how 
shall feeble pen 

Convey the grandeur that was here to minds of other 
men ? 

Word-pictures, like the photograph, may all be more 
than true, 

But when the words exhaust themselves, not half is 
brought to view ; 

The eyes and soul must both be there to fully com- 
prehend 

This panorama, where so nnich of power and beauty 
blend. 

And when they drink in all they can, of Nature's 
great display. 

They'll find their wonder growin', as the days shall 
glide away: 



Il8 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Their thoughts will keep on runnin', and unfoldin', 

more and more, 
The awful power behind it all, as never seen before ; 
And here, there's such a feelin' comes a stealin' 

through the heart. 
That makes a person shudder at the paucity of art. 
What man in such a presence could be tempted to be 

vain, 
Who has the sensibilities of cultured heart and brain ? 
Almost, it makes a person feel as if he would repeat 
That act of Moses when he took the shoes from off 

his feet ; 
For, surely, God is in this place, and blind must that 

one be. 
Who can not see, or hear His voice, in this immensity. 
We climbed upon a crest of rock, beside the foamin' 

sheet. 
Which lashed itself to frenzy, as it hurried past our 

feet. 
And cast our eyes far up the stream — a half a mile or 

more. 
To see it pourin' off the sky, it seemed, from shore to 

shore. 
In rumble, tumble, headlong haste, dispensin' sound 

and spray. 
And flecked with foamin' madness, as it dashes down 

it's way ; 
Already down a hundred feet from where it caught 

our eye, 
A half a mile above us, where it pours from off the 

sky. 



AT NIAGARA. II9 

It seemed to turn to whiteness, as it bows itself to go 

From ofif the fearful precipice into the depths below ; 

How far, we dare not try to tell, and scarcely even 
guess. 

But, possibly, a thousand feet, or somethin' more or 
less. 

For where it reached the surface of the water, down 
below. 

Was scarcely more than half, perhaps, the distance it 
must go ; 

And wdiat impresses me as strange about this water- 
fall 

Was at the surface where it poured, which scarcely 
boiled at all, 

But simply had some riffles, which were slightly 
flecked with foam, 

And boats, conveyin' passengers, may on it safely 
come 

So close to where the mighty sheet of foamin' water 
fell. 

It almost seemed to those on shore (incredulous to 
tell) 

As if a lusty hand stretched out from ofif the vessel's 
brow. 

Might catch a hand-full of it's foam, or touch it, any- 
how ; 

And certainly, it sailed so close as to be hid away. 

Almost entirely from view, enveloped in the spray. 

And one can form a faint idea how deep these waters 

go. 



I20 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

When told that they appear again two miles, and 
more, below. 

And form the whirlpool rapids, where it's pent-up 
power appears. 

The wonder of all continents, and wonder of all years. 

And then our thoughts went climbin' back, along the 
lengthy chain 

Of mighty inland waters, which this river helps to 
drain ; 

Far up, and up to mountain peaks, with everlastin' 
snow, 

And into hidden fastnesses, as far as thought could go, 

To find the sources, if we could, that furnish it's sup- 
ply, 

Whose everlastin' runnin' doesn't seem to run it dry. 

But if we marked out all we found, ' twould make a 
mighty map 

Of rivulets and little streams, convergin' to the lap 

Of nature's biggest basin, with Niagara for a spout, 

To form a sort of safety gauge, and let it's surplus out. 

But with such map before us, one could hardly feel 
the beat 

Of nature's great big pulsin' heart, which throbs be- 
neath our feet. 

And sends it's countless veins so thick, that, tap it 
where we will. 

In plain or valley, gorge or cliff, on mountain top or 
hill, 

We'll hardly miss of strikin' one, and seein' water 
flow, 



AT NIAGARA. 12 1 

Without our knowin' whence they come, or whither 

they will go. 
Oh, Nature ! thou art mystery ; explain thee as we 

will ; 
The little that we know of thee is like a tiny rill, , 
Whose waters quickly lose themselves in such a vast 

array, 
As pour down so incessantly over old Niagara. 
We wondered where these waters were, while He who 

formed their bed 
Which they have traveled over for so long, with noisy 

tread. 
And out of what He formed the rocks, and how He 

laid them so. 
That they resist so long and well their forces, as they 

flow 
With such momentum that we know that for them to 

resist. 
From age to age, as they have done, these blows from 

Nature's fist, 
The masonry must far excel the work of human hands. 
And glorify His workmanship, because His structure 

stands. 
And then, again, we questioned, but we didn't calcu- 
late 
How long the fluids in her veins require to circulate, 
And just how often every drop, since first her pulses 

beat, 
•Have jumped this awful cataract and made the round 

complete : 



122 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

But more than once, we fancied, and, perhaps, more 

than we dream. 
These waters make the whole round trip, and dash 

along- this stream ; 
And that which formed the coffee which we drank but 

yesterday 
May form a part of this great flood some time not far 

away ; 
For Nature never wastes a drop, wherever it may go, 
In veins of men or animals, or in the plants that grow. 
But keeps an eye on all she has, and never loses track, 
And after patient waitin' she is sure to get it back. 
We didn't go to Canada, for sights on our own side 
Kept us tremendous busy and our time all occupied ; 
But we kept glancin' over, and the sight of it brought 

back 
Some saddened memories of times when brothers 

clothed in black 
Thought it was Heaven, as, indeed, it often proved 

to be ; 
For there, if they could cross this stream, they might 

at last be free. 
Ah, memory ! how she spreads her wings at sight of 

Canada, 
And takes us back to other days, before our locks 

were gray, 
When refugees from slavery, with blood-hounds on 

their track. 
Were hunted, like the wildest beasts, to catch and 

carry back ; 



AT NIAGARA. 1 23 

But with the north star for their guide, they risked, 

as well they might, 
The teeth of their pursuers, for the sake of Heaven's 

right 
For every man to own himself, subject, alone, to God, 
And fling defiance, when they could, to tyrant mas- 
ter's nod. 
Thank God, the prayed-for day is here, when only 

memory 
Can find a man in manacles, from sea across to sea, 
And purged from our iniquity, we spread our washen 

hands 
To help the cause of liberty to spread throughout all 

lands. 
The rocks on either side suggest that down the past, 

somewhere. 
These falls were miles and miles below the place 

where now they are. 
And by the water's mighty force were eaten back, and 

worn 
The chasm as we see it now, with edges fringed and 

torn. 
And fancy floated down the stream to where the falls 

began, 
A thousand ages farther than the history of man, 
And saw it eatin', inch by inch, the porous rock away, 
And climbin' slowly toward the place it occupies to- 
day. 
We saw some sturdy relics, through the sunbeams and 

the mist, 



1^4 tJNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

That whispered from the bottom, where their sides 

were bein' kissed, 
That told as plain as language could that they had 

occupied 
A higher place than they do now, a-holdin' up the 

tide. 
Just where it makes its final leap, 'til on a certain day 
It lost the grip which held it up, and then it fell away^ 
And lies to waste for ages more, 'til beaten into sands. 
It goes to join its comrades off in other seas or lands. 
Well, when we'd made Goat Island from its many 

points of view. 
And visited ' ' Three Sisters, ' ' as all visitors should 

do, 
For there we got the grandest sight of all the grand 

display. 
And that does not belittle all the others seen that day, 
We thought that we, my friend and I (the women 

wouldn't go). 
Must see how old Niagara looked when seen from 

• down below ; 
And so we took the railroad car — it wasn't quite a 

train — 
Which, carries people up and back by cable rope and 

chain ; 
And down and down and down we rode, 'til bottom 

came at last. 
And out of "the incline" we went, and down the 

steps we passed. 
And stood at length among the rocks, the rainbows 

and the mist, 



AT NIAGARA. 125 

And felt, as never in our lives, that we were bein' 

kissed 
By Nature's own delightful lips, and baptised with 

her spray, 
Which knows no times or seasons, but unchanged, 

from day to day ; 
And felt the throbbin' of her heart, and heard her 

voice repeat. 
In tones as loud as thunder, and delivered at our feet, 
That taught our hearts a lesson which we wouldn't 

like to miss. 
That none but she herself can show how truly great 

she is. 
Then up and up and up we gazed, to see the foamin' 

sheet 
Which poured in such a volume down so closely to 

our feet 
That only for the mist, we thought, we might ap- 
proach so nigh 
Our hands could touch the torrent that was pourin' 

from on high ; 
And we were goin' toward it, for the breeze took all 

the spray. 
For quite a little moment, just across the other way, 
Till we were almost close enough, when, quicker 'n 

you can tell, 
The breeze turned back toward us again, then how 

the water fell ! 
And how we scampered through it, for we hadn't 

rubber clothes, 



126 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND' ABROAD. 

And didn't relish gettin' wet, as you may well sup- 
pose. 
But such a sight as we beheld beggars all words I 

know, 
To tell of all the grandeur of Niagara from below. 
The sun, in all his brightness, was just pourin' in his 

beams. 
And gildin' everything it touched with rainbow-tinted 

gleams ; 
And countless diamonds, bright as real, sparkled in 

its rays. 
And made the mighty sheet of foam resplendent with 

its blaze, 
While all the mist about us was a rainbow-tinted 

mass, 
Which looked as though it was composed of floatin' 

dust of glass. 
I sighed to be a painter, then, so I might take away, 
That I might see it when I would, the scenes I saw 

that day ; 
And then I thought that paint and brush and human 

skill combined. 
In their best combinations, were like beauty to the 

blind. 
Compared with this, where Nature's brush makes 

everything to glow 
And pulse and sparkle in the light with life and 

beauty so. 
But I stood there and drank it in, again and yet again, 
That I might photograph it all back somewhere in 

my brain, 



AT NIAGARA. 1 27 

And carry back to old Steuben, as perfect as I might, 
A picture in my memory of this transcendent sight. 
And then we jumped on " the incline," and back to 

earth we flew, 
So fast that if we'd struck the roof we must have 

broken through ; 
But luckily we didn't, and we reached the solid 

ground, 
Just dampened with Niagara's mist, but wholly safe 

and sound ; 
And when we'd found the better halves which we had 

left behind. 
We took the "Whirlpool Rapids" cars, some other 

sights to find ; 
And sure enough, we found a sight — Suspension bridge 

and all — 
For 'way down here, two miles away, comes up the 

waterfall 
From under such a surface that no one would ever 

dream 
That far below its tranquil bosom boiled a turbid 

stream. 
Made strong, and even crazy, by the fearful plunge it 

took. 
And under whose momentum even solid mountains 

shook. 
And who can wonder at it, that it's boilin' waters 

whirl, 
And leap, and plunge, and foam, and roar, and swirl, 

and swirl, and swirl, 



128 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

For miles and miles, between the rocks, piled up in 
solid walls. 

On either side, but narrower than just below the falls. 

No boat could ride this seethin' tide and come intact 
below, 

Nor livin' thing, which has not fins, would dare at- 
tempt to go. 

One man, I read, so lost his head that he thought he 
could swim 

These awful rapids, years ago, but 'twas the last of 
him. 

Others have tried to make the ride in air tight bar- 
rel boats, 

But one such ride has satisfied as far as history quotes; 

Their inward groans and pommelled bones have cured 
their thirst for fame. 

If such a feat they must repeat to blare abroad their 
name. 

No man of sense tempts Providence by riskin' life 
and limb, 

When his success can neither bless mankind, nor 
honor Him. 

Fools often do to show their nerve, or possibly, their 
skill, 

Defyin' laws without a cause, except themselves to 
kill: 

But then, their loss is but the dross burned out of 
better ore, 

And all mankind that's left behind is richer than be- 
fore; 



AT NIAGARA. 1 29 

Their vanity, perhaps, may be the wings of God's 
great mill, 

To winnow chaff from out the half He wants His bins 
to fill ; 

At any rate they rid the State, perhaps their friends 
beside, 

Of grave responsibilities, and room they occupied. 

We reached the rapids, where they start, but this time 
had to pay 

A half a dollar each to ride the cable-chain railway. 

The other, at the falls above, belongin' to the State, 

Charged just a dime, for down and back, with dis- 
tance just as great. 

And why should not the State control all avenues that 
lead 

To sights which all men ought to see, instead of hu- 
man greed ? 

Here, where the sons of men should come with rev- 
erential tread. 

And witness what the Lord is doin', with uncovered 
head. 

And what a comment on the vice of human avarice. 

To thrust itself before the world in such a place as 
this. 

That man of old, who sold his Lord to gratify his 
greed, 

But knew enough to hang himself, has left a lot of 
seed ; 

No place so sacred anywhere, in earth, or heaven, or 
hell, 



130 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

But that, if they possessed the power, they'd fence it 

off to sell. 
Oh, lust for gain ! what countless sins ajre rappin' at 

your door ; 
While men are growin' rich and fat from off God's 

hungry poor. 
And how the ears of justice must grow weary with 

their cry, 
And how the sword of recompense must flourish bye 

and bye ; 
And how must hell enlarge herself, to let the people 

in. 
Whose thought of human brotherhood is swallowed 

by this sin, 
And how the patient sons of God can well afford to 

wait 
His careful re-adjustments, whether comin' soon or 

late ; 
No balances so fine as His, to weigh the acts of men, 
And no dishonest fingers 'round to do the weighin' 

then, 
But simple justice, pure and sweet, His balances will 

weigh, 
No matter who goes up or down on re-adjustment day. 
Two iron bridges span the gulf at this point, side by 

side, 
Transportin' passengers and freight across the boilin' 

tide. 
A train crossed old Suspension bridge while we stood 

underneath, 



AT NIAGARA. I31 

And while our eyes gazed up at it we almost held our 

breath. 
We stood where we could lay our hands upon an up 

stream guy, 
And feel the tremble of the train movin' across the 

sky, 
And thought of that terriffic plunge that movin' train 

must take. 
With all the people on it, if the tremblin' bridge 

should break ; 
And what a little difference their splashin' in the 

stream 
Would make a moment afterward, as far as it would 

seem. 
Hearts might be bleedin' somewhere else, and homes 

be desolate. 
Because the snappin' of a wire released them to their 

fate ; 
But little would Niagara feel of any sort of care. 
For persons or for property which might be buried 

there. 
Here in the presence of such power, a thoughtful 

mind will see 
The contrast in it's awful force, and man's impotency ; 
And likely feel, as well he might, desire begin to start, 
That He who moves before His eyes, might dwell 

within His heart. 
We couldn't take in all the sights in one short half a 

day 
There is around Niagara, but we brought some things 

away, 



132 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

That give a richer tinge to life, and broaden out the 
mind, 

And make one's spirit spread her wings to see what 
she can find 

In other spaces, which, to us, are thus far unexplored. 

Which Nature's God, and ours as well, so lavishly 
has stored, 

Not simply in the realm of sense, where careless feet 
may tread. 

But in the spirit's wider range, around, and overhead. 

And more than all, within the soul, of elements we 
need 

To perfect man and womanhood in spirit and in deed. 

The six hours that we had to spend were fairly occu- 
pied. 

Till eyes as well as body lagged, and we felt satisfied 

To loiter at the station for the comin' of the train. 

And leave the wonders we had missed until we come 
again. 

Of course, the hundred miles and more we had to 
ride at night 

Had in them more of weariness than they had of de- 
light; 

But steam makes way in night or day, and covers dis- 
tance fast. 

And every scream of whistlin' steam proclaimed a 
station passed ; 

And dropped us down in our own town precisely half- 
past ten. 

And 'twasn't long 'til Nancy Jane and I were home 
again. 



AY NIAGARA. 133 

And on the whole I think it proved the most delight- 
ful day, 
For both our minds and hearts, at least, we ever spent 

away : 
Our bodies suffered some fatigue and felt a little wear, 
Which, even at our age, we think a few days will 

repair ; 
But nothin' can eliminate impressions that were made 
While viewin' the magnificence of Nature's great 

cascade ; 
And often, in our memories, we'll see its torrents pour, 
And rainbows painted on the mist, and hear its pon- 

d'rous roar. 
And see its rapids swirlin' down, and bridges in the 

air, 
And see its ragged greystone rocks projectin' every- 
where ; 
And not unfrequently, perhaps, will fancy stroll away. 
And weave its webb of romances about old Niagara. 
Of course, we don't begrudge the day, or money that 

we spent. 
But always shall congratulate ourselves because we 

went ; 
And like as not, if we keep well, we'll take another 

ride. 
To see how all these wonders look seen from the other 

side : 
But life is so uncertain that, instead of goin' there. 
Perhaps we'll make the journey where the many 

mansions are, 



134 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And see that other river, more majestic in its flow, 
Where trees with healin' in their leaves upon its bor- 
ders grow ; 
And see how grand the Capitol of Earth and Heaven 

will be. 
And see the King, and great white Throne, in all 

their majesty ; 
And listen to the music of the multitudes who sing 
Their loudest, sweetest choruses in honor of their King. 
The sights of earth are wonderful, but don't at all 

compare 
With what we may expect to see when we get over 

there ; 
And if these fill us with delight, what rapture must 

it be 
To stand where God has done his best, and all His 

glory see ? 
If He who scatters such delights along our earthly 

way. 
To spice our lives with gladness for the little time we 

stay. 
What may we not expect to find where He has done 

His best 
To make the place delightful, for His own eternal rest. 



HOW HE LOSI' HIS WHISKER^. 135 



HOW UNCLK AI.VIN LOST HIS WHISKERS 

Not many folks who see me now, and find me lookin' 

so, 
Would think I've had as nice a beard as any man 

could grow ; 
But that's a fact, for from the time when I had passed 

eighteen, 
I had as comely whiskers as is very often seen ; 
Not coarse and stiff as bristles, like so many that you 

see, 
But fine and soft, and curly, like, as any need to be ; 
And yet I wasn't proud of them, because I wouldn't 

shave, 
But couldn't see the common sense of bein' such a 

slave ; 
For nature made the beard to grow upon the human 

face. 
To add as much to comfort as to give an added grace ; 
And hackin' with a razor is about as barbarous 
As almost any foolish thing that's ever charged to us. 
If nature should forget — for cnce — and make a man 

without, 
I think he'd try most anything to cause a beard to 

sprout ; 
And then, if after coaxin' so, till nature should suc- 
cumb 



136 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And granted what he'd asked her for, and kindly gave 

him some, 
What would she think, if after that he should become 

a slave, 
And give her such a grave affront as goin' on to 

shave ? 
A beard, which nature gave us is a manly thing to 

wear. 
As it is clearly womanly to go with faces bare. 
It wouldn't make a man of her if she should grow a 

beard. 
Nor would he be a woman if his whiskers disap- 
peared. 
And "apin" one another doesn't greatly signify. 
Since we don't very well succeed, no matter how we 

try. 
Well, I had practiced what I preached for thirty years 

and more. 
And was contented, if not proud, with whiskers that I 

wore ; 
But when I least suspected any grave calamity, 
I made a small investment, which was all of that to 

me. 
'Twas just an ulster overcoat, a kind of brown and 

gray, 
That answers very nicely just for wearin' every day ; 
And it was thick and heavy, and would keep a person 

warm 
In almost any weather, from the wind, or in a storm ; 
And had a lusty collar that would cover up my ears, 



HOW HE LOST HIS WHISKERS. 1 37 

And made me feel the winter less than I had done for 

years ; 
And with it on, and collar up, was such a cozy place, 
That I most always wore it so, turned up against my 

face. 
But long before the winter frosts had took themselves 

away, 
I noticed, with no small regret, my beard was gettin' 

gray; 
And in a little while I saw that it was growin' thin, 
And soon it wasn't any good for hidin' up my chin. 
But all the while 'twas gettin' gray, and fallin' out so 

fast, 
I never once mistrusted, 'till the danger line was 

passed. 
That this was all a comin' from the overcoat I wore, 
'Til, when the beard was almost gone, my neck and ' 

face got sore. 
And yet, not sore, in such a sense that any one can see. 
But very tender to the touch, and smarted constantly. 
I can not think, in lookin' back, what made me quite 

so dumb, 
As not to sniff the danger till the worst of it had 

come ; 
And yet, a circumstance like that I never knew before, 
Where one had lost his whiskers by the overcoat he 

wore. 
But that it was the coat alone, is plainly evident ; 
Because that only where it touched was where the 

whiskers went. 



138 UNCI.E ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

It must have been the dye-stuff that was used in 

colorin' 
The cloth of which the coat was made which had been 

left within ; 
A comment on the shiftless way of cleansin' cloth 

that's dyed, 
Which ought to make the lazy louts that did it satis- 
fied. 
Of course, I've tried most everything that I have read 

about. 
But though six months and more have passed I can 

• not see a sprout — 
Though you may guess I watch for them — that looks 

at all as though 
My pepper-sauce and other things was like to make 

them grow. 
The only place it didn't touch was just beneath my 

nose, 
A little space on both my lips, and there, of course, it 

grows. 
And hasn't changed its color, nor it isn't growin' thin, 
lyike what is left about my face and what is on my 

chin ; 
But mustache looks a little odd, with both its corners 

clipped. 
As though they wasn't planted right, or somethin' 

had been skipped ; 
And so I have to spread them out to cover up the 

space. 
And train them, with what skill I can, to occupy the 

place. 



HOW HE LOST HIS WHISKERS. 1 39 

And then, because the color holds while all the rest is 

white, 
It makes me look so singular in most of people's 

sight ; 
And almost all who knew me when my whiskers were 

so thick 
Are sure to ask, on meetin' me, if I have not been 

sick. 
Till, if I was not conscious that I'm feelin' pretty 

well, 
Their askin' all these questions might bring on a 

feeble spell. 
And lots of people that I've known for years will pass 

me by 
Without a recognition, or without their knowin' why ; 
And when I call them by their names, will look their 

blank surprise. 
And ask me what's the matter with myself, or with 

their eyes. 
My sister's husband passed me twice, one day not 

long ago. 
And told a friend that I was some one whom he didn't 

know. 
And I declare it makes one feel a little kind o' queer 
To grow away from all his friends in less than half a 

year; 
And I can fancy now, I think, how Rip Van Winkle 

felt, 
Which made his poor old eyes grow dim, and poor old 

heart to melt. 



140 UNCLE ALVIN Al* HOME AND ABROAD. 

To think the takin' of a nap should sweep the friends 

away 
Whom he had known, and who knew him, within (to 

him) a day. 
And then it's quite amusin' just to see some people 

stare, 
And wonderin', as I suppose, what ails that fellow's 

hair. ■ 
Of course, I couldn't blame them, for if I was not 

well bred, 
I'd very likely do the same, if I was in their stead ; 
There's somethin' so inquisitive within the most of us 
That what is very singular is apt to strike us thus. 
The query of all queries is, what dyes did they employ 
Who made the cloth that gave this coat its power to 

destroy ? 
For that it was the dye-stuff in the cloth admits no 

doubt, 
As only where it touched the beard the whiskers are 

killed out. 
But, though it has its comic side, it is not all a jest. 
For whiskers, with the joke left out, have value not 

expressed 
In any tables that we know, and yet is just as real 
As tabulated values, for it's values that we feel. 
A fellow said the other day (my whiskers are so thin), 
" The wind won' t whistle through the beard that's 

growin' on your chin." 
And that's what makes it serious : my chin bereft of 

hair 



HOW HE LOST HIS WHISKERS. 141 

Will let the winds of winter play their antics round it 

bare. 
And who that knows the comfort of a beard upon the 

chin 
But that will feel some pity for the fix that I am in ? 
I've grown too old for pride to hold so very much of 

sway, 
And don't feel sore upon that score because they've 

gone away ; 
But at my age I've reached the stage when comfort 

counts for more 
Than all the pride that occupied my mind in days of 

yore; 
And nature's muff was good enough for me to always 

wear, 
And so I should, and so I could, if I'd not lost the 

hair. 
But there's a grand philosophy which never looks be- 
hind, 
To gather up the blessings lost, to cumber up the 

mind, 
But takes the blessings that are left, and feeds upon 

them so, 
That, even if they seem but small, they're sure to 

grow and grow. 
And fill us with contentment, that the things which 

we possessed 
Were, after all, for us and ours, the things that were 

the best. 
And so I sing this requiem, about half sad and gay/ 



142 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Over my whiskers, well beloved, but surely gone 

away, 
Then turn, with what philosophy I can, again to look 

ahead. 
And train my heart to follow in the path my feet 

must tread. 



OLD SCHOOL TEMPERANCE. 

(Two representative speeches made at a District 
Conference of the M. E. Church, giving a solution of 
the liquor question.) 
We had some temperance speeches at the Conference 

last night, 
Whose brilliant scintillations seemed to shed a flood of 

light. 
For those who simply follow what the master thinkers 

think. 
About the disposition of the awful curse of drink. 
It's always been a " muddle " to the ordinary mind 
To solve the vexin' problem, and a remedy to find, 
For while the awful evil is an easy thing to see, 
There are so many theories they can not well agree. 

Some talk of ' ' moral suasion ' ' from the platform and 

the press, 
And some of higher license, as the way to make it less ; 
Some say that mother's teach in' s, and the trainin' of 

the schools, 



OLD SCHOOL TEMPERANCE. 1 43 

Must teach the children not to be such alcoholic fools ; 
But almost all of them agree it never' 11 do to mix 
A question havin' morals in a nation's politics. 
Of course there are some "cranky" folks, with sense 

enough to say 
That votes would be the surest means to put the curse 

away ; 
And they persist in tryin' it, in all this bitter fight. 
Not only that they think it best, but that they feel it's 

right. 

But we were told last evenin' that the remedy was 

near, 
It's application, also, was expounded very clear ; 
Of course it sounded novel and evinced a lot of search. 
When speakers solemnly announced ' ' it resteth with 

the church." 
We wouldn't think of questionin' their great sagacity. 
And only ask about the church, the question " Who 

is she ? " 
We look in all our meetin's, and are greeted with the 

sight. 
Both in the Sabbath services, and every week-day 

night — 
Of women, girls and women, and with only now and 

then. 
Like daisies in a flower-pot, a sprinklin' of men ; 
And then we search the records, and discover, to our 

shame, 
That even there proportions are essentially the same. 



144 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And then these great addresses seem to have an added 

light, 
As we can grasp the meanin' which these speakers 

had in sight. 
''''The Church .•" we cease to wonder why they call it 

"her" and "she," 
When women form its membership in such majority ; 
We cease to wonder, also, that so many relegate 
To ' ' her ' ' the many burdens which they either fear 

or hate. 
We see the magnanimity with which these men aver 
That this responsibility rests mostly upon "her ;" 
And "she," dear soul, a woman, with just men 

enough to wear 
The honors of the offices which " she " may have to 

spare. 

"The Church," without a ballot, held to answer for 

the cause 
Of purer legislation and of less unrighteous laws. 
While many who are in it, and can vote as well as pray. 
Uphold the license policy on each election day ! 
God bless our noble women, who, when both their 

hands are tied, 
For lack of opportunities of which they are denied. 
Still bend their backs to burdens which their brothers 

seek to shirk, 
And try, amid discouragements, to do the Master's 

work. 



OLD SCHOOL TEMPKRANCE. 145 

These wise men tell their hearers that when parties 
nominate 

" A christian man for office he should be their candi- 
date, 

"Without regard to party," and we must infer they 
meant 

Without regard to principles the parties represent. 

Suppose a license party wants to catch the christian 
vote, 

They do not make their platform like a promissory note 

By pledgin' party fealty to any righteous cause, 

Much less for the enactment of some rigid temperance 
laws. 

But place in nomination, now and then, a temperance 

man. 
Because his christian character will help along their 

plan ; 
And then these preachers tell us that the church 

should help them in 
To legislate for righteousness against this awful sin. 
If they could reason better, it would seem that they 

might see. 
That such a course as they advise would prove it's 

fallacy. 
A christian man, in office, is a man to represent 
The wishes and the principles of those by whom he's 

sent ; 
And no one but a Judas would betray the trust im- 
posed, 
To which he had assented, till his term of office closed; 

10 



146 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

For christians to expect it would expect the man to 

He, 
And make himself obnoxious by an act of perfidy, 
As we have found too often, and, alas, in m,any ways, 
When such a man is trusted, whose dictation he obeys. 
Experience has proven, in repeated cases, why 
The thing these preachers recommend is dangerous to 

try ; 
For when a party's platform stands for one thing, and 

the "brother" 
Who takes the nomination — in his conscience — for an- 
other. 
It don't require a prophet, or a prophet's son, to see, 
The platform, not the conscience, will obtain the 
mastery. 

For he's the party's servant, and because of that, must 

stand 
For whatsoever measures his constituents demand ; 
He's not a private citizen, has not the right of choice. 
But, in official station, must express the people's voice. 
On any other basis, he could never represent 
The people, by whose suffrage this officer was sent. 
Then what becomes of arguments and sophistries like 

these. 
Before the mind of any who believes the things he 

sees ? 

We envy not the preacher, in the midst of such a fray, 
Who seeks to be a leader, with no better things to say ; 



OLD SCHOOL TEMPERANCE. 1 47 

For if the people follow, votin' only for the man, 
Without regard to principles, they'll end where they 

began. 
So far as reformation goes ; while drinkin' , as a vice, 
Has gotten more entrenched in law, by takin' their 

advice. 
There's not a liquor dealer that can anywhere be found. 
But that will tell these preachers that their argument 

is sound ; 
The whole fraternity applaud this doctrine, to a man. 
The politicians, also, give endorsement to this plan. 

But though these preachers, possibly, may think this 
plan is new 

(And we would not dispute them, for to them it may 
be true), 

Yet others recollect it as a failure most forlorn, 

A generation — more or less — before these men were 
born. 

When christian men have grace enough to push aside 
the "sop " 

The devil shrewdly offers them, this fallacy will stop. 

And when the christian voter learns to see what under- 
lies 

The feet of party candidates, 'twill open many eyes. 

A christian never need expect, and ought not to desire, 
That any party candidate will prove himself a liar. 
A man who runs for office — if he's even half a man — 
Will stand by his constituents, and help them what 
he can ; 



148 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And christians stultify themselves, by hopin', if they 

do, 
That any party's candidate will prove himself untrue. 
The platforms, not the characters of candidates denote, 
Beyond a par adventure, how an officer will vote. 

On any other basis we should always be at sea. 

And offer costly premiums for party treachery. 

Whoever votes for "christians" on a whisky plat- 
form plank. 

When they are disappointed, will have just themselves 
to thank. 

If conscience is a factor in the officer at all. 

He couldn't be expected to obey it's double call ; 

Between the voice from Heaven, and the pledges from 
below. 

It wouldn't even take a guess to tell which way he'll 
go. 

Be done with all this nonsense, and let reason have 
it's sway, 

And vote for men and measures that will sweep this 
curse away. 



TRIP TO KANSAS. 149 



UNCLE AIvVIN'S TRIP TO KANSAS. 

'Twas just about the holidays of eighteen ninety-four, 
When times were pinchin' harder than they'd ever 

done before, 
And almost everybody felt that weatherin' the gale 
Depended very largely on how close they reefed their 

sail, 
And then as much depended on how soon it would 

subside 
As on the helmsman's steady hand, how long the craft 

would ride. 
That we received a letter from our only brother's wife. 
That he, the husband, balanced on the ragged edge of 

life. 
With chances so against him that his doctors were in 

doubt 
Whether his constitution and their skill could pull 

him out. 
He'd been a-failin' all the fall, but since he took his 

bed 
He had declined more rapidly, her anxious letter said. 
And though they were not certain, his physicians had 

a fear 
That his disease was cancer, and if so his end was 

near. 
I did some anxious thinkin' for a day or two from that. 
For all our family were gone but me and brother Gat, 



150 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And he was such a brother, with a heart as brave and 

true 
As He, the father of us all, has put in but a few ; 
And I was more than conscious that if I was lyin' sick, 
With little hope of livin', he would hasten to me quick. 
Indeed, I well remembered when our only sister died, 
How he had left his business and had hastened to her 

side. 
One day my letter reached him with the news that 

she must die. 
The next and he was comin' just as fast as cars could 

fly; 
And loyally he waited at her bedside night and day, 
The little time she lingered till her spirit left its clay; 
And then we stood together where the " dust to dust" 

was said, 
And saw her body laid to rest within its narrow bed ; 
And when it all was over, I had seen him on the train 
To hasten to the duties of his western home again. 
Ten years and more of changes were between that 

time and now, 
And his dear wife had written me that he was very 

low. 
And facin' such conditions how could any one be 

slow 
In reachin' the conclusion that his duty was to go? 
And so the thing was settled between me and Nancy 

Jane 
That I would spend two weeks away, and she was to 

remain 



TRIP TO KANSAS. I5I 

And 'tend to business, lier's and mine, and keep it 

goin' round, 
For I knew she could manage so things wouldn't run 

aground. 
The first thing was the money, which we know not 

how to spare 
For takin' such a journey, to be swallowed up in fare ; 
But when we set about it we succeeded in a day 
In gettin' what was needed, so that that was out the 

way ; 
And while I got my business in the best shape that I 

could. 
She spent the day preparin' for my basket somethin' 

good; 
And this was on a Saturday, with ticket bought be- 
side, 
And Sunday, after midnight, I must start upon my 

ride. 
That Sabbath — none were like it in^fthe more than 

twenty years 
That we had shared together in each other's hopes and 

fears — 
Was spent about as usual, as far as forms could go, 
But in the secret chambers of our hearts it wasn't so. 
I was to go at midnight, and she was to stay behind. 
With all the unknown future as a blank before the 

mind. 
We'd neither of us traveled much, and 'twasn't strange 

that she 
(Of course I didn't share it !) felt a little nervously. 



152 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

We went to cliurcli, as common, in the mornin' and 

at night, 
And found each service helpful, if our hearts were 

not as light 
As they were on occasions when no specter seemed to 

rise 
To flaunt his gaudy banner of suggestion in our eyes, 
Of what might happen to us in the days to intervene, 
With half a continent so soon a-stretchin' in between. 
After the evenin' service we, of course, did not retire, 
But visited till midnight, sittin' round the winter fire. 
Till I had only time to lunch (we called it breakfast). 

Well ! 
Perhaps the way we parted she would thank me not 

to tell, 
And so I won't betray her ; but it may sufiice to say 
That when her tears had started they were bravely 

brushed away, 
And with a kiss and hand-shake our good-byes were 

quickly said. 
When I set out for Kansas and my wife set out for 

bed. 
I took the ' ' Old Reliable, ' ' as Erie folks would say, 
And found the midnight train on time, and soon was 

under way. 
The coaches were not crowded, and I saw each pas- 
senger 
Had, somehow, had two seats apiece assigned to him 

or her. 
And still a lot were empty, more than I could occupy, 
However much I spread myself, provided I should try. 



TRIP TO KANSAS. 153 

I simply did as others had, and improvised a bed, 
By takin' one seat for my feet, another for my head, 
And by a little feignin' sleep by shuttin' up my eyes, 
The goddess came along herself and took me by sur- 
prise, 
And wooed me off so gently by the rumble and the 

sway 
That I was soon unconscious how the engine sped 

away, 
And scarcely noticed anything but now and then a 

scream. 
Or when the sway and rumble ceased by shuttin' off 

the steam. 
Till some time after daylight, when the cars began to 

fill. 
By makin' halts for passengers at every little ville, 
And we were rudely jostled from our slumber to the 

need 
Of makin' room for others, and of course we gave it 

heed. 
And 'woke to find the passengers were mostly on theit 

way 
To Youngstown, in Ohio, for the labor of the day, 
And most of them had dinner-pails and dressed to 

indicate 
That they were bone and sinew of society and state, 
And all got off together at the Youngstown station 

stop, 
And hurried, men and women, to their factory or shop. 
Of course, it took a little while for us to realize 
That we were in Ohio, and recover our surprise ; 



154 UNCLK ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And then about the next thing was to conjure up a 

way 
To put a little pleasure in a long and weary day, 
By givin' mind and body somethin' else to occupy 
Than just the simple killin' of the moments as they 

fly; 
So I got out my writin' stuff, with which I was sup- 
plied, 
And wrote of things and places which I passed along 

the ride — 
A sort o' flyin' journal ; and the plan worked so com- 
plete 
That it was almost noon, or quite, before I cared to 

eat ; 
And after lunch was finished (what reminder did it 

prove 
Of Nancy's sterling common sense as well as thought- 
ful love, 
By puttin' in the basket what would tempt my appe- 
tite. 
And in such nice arrangement as to be a real delight ; 
And it is worth a journey of a day or so to find 
One's own appreciation comin' clearer to the mind, 
Of every-day devotion, in the common things of life, 
Which come without obtrusion from the loving heart 

of wife, 
Which don't find recognition in the ordinary way. 
While bein' so together in the life of every day), 
I laid aside my tablet for a little needed rest. 
And studied for a certain time how I could gfet it best. 



TRIP TO KANSAS. 155 

I'd always been so active that to ride for half a day, 
Without once walkin' up a hill to give the muscles 

play, 
Was weariness indeed to me, and I got desperate, 
And planned to get some exercise at almost any rate. 
So when the whistle sounded, and the train began to 

slow, 
I buttoned up my overcoat and gathered up to go. 
And struck the depot platform by the time the train 

was still. 
And paced it back and forward with more energy 

than skill. 
But didn't get so far away that when the "captain " 

roared 
His orders for the train to move that I could get aboard. 
And so I spent the afternoon, and struck another man, 
From way beyond Chicago who was followin' my 

plan. 
And then we tramped together when we could, and 

after that. 
We spent the moments pleasantly, engaged in friendly 

chat. 
He and his wife had visited in "York State " as they 

say. 
And now were lookin' westward, and were on their 

homeward way. 
I'd finished up my journal-like epistle on the rail, 
To drop, as I had promised, in Chicago's evenin' mail, 
Addressed, of course, to Nancy Jane, and now that 

we were there, 



156 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

I found before my other train but half an hour to 

spare ; 
And when I'd mailed my letter, as I did upon the 

train, 
And got myself unloaded, and was loaded up again, 
I hadn't many minutes left to make a swift survey 
Of things that were about me till the engine steamed 

away. 
We left the "windy city" just a little after eight, 
By train whose destination was the sunny golden 

state. 
The train was mostly "sleepers," which was equally 

as true 

Of coaches as of all on board, except, perhaps, the 

crew. 
The screamin' of the whistle and the swayin' of the 

train 

Was royal soothin' syrup for the weary flesh and brain. 
While floatin' just above us was a sort of comet's tail. 
From out the engine's bosom, as we rode upon the 

rail. 
The only little episode which any of us met. 
Was just behind the writer, on our way to Joliet. 
Some " swipes " had got among us, and at once their 

arts applied. 
An old man just behind us was the party whom they 

tried ; 
They met, as if by accident, beside the old man's 

chair ; 
One asked to have a bill exchanged, to pay his sleepin' 

fare. 



TRIP TO KANSAS. 1 57 

Of course, the other couldn't, but to work his little 

plan. 
He modestly suggested that ' ' perhaps our friend here 

can." 
The old man didn't do it, which was just a little 

mean. 
But proved that he had lived too long to be accounted 

' ' green ; ' ' 
He didn't change the bill for them, but sternly 

answered ' ' nay, ' ' 
When asked " if he would kindly tell my friend the 

time of day ? " 
They loitered round without a seat until the train 

should stop. 
And when it did, at Joliet, the trio took a drop. 
And on we sped, and on we slept as soundly as we 

might. 
The snorin' blendin' nicely with the music of the 

night ; 
And when the daylight struck us we had ridden 

through a state, 
And partly through another, goin' toward the golden 

gate. 
But nothin' further happened out of which to weave a 

tale, 
But just the din and rattle of a night upon the rail. 
The mornin' sky was leaden, and it needed not a seer 
To make a person conscious that a winter's storm was 

near. 
I got my first impression then, as it would seem to me, 
Of bein' on a vessel in the middle of the sea, 



158 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

With just the little difference of sailin' on a train, 
Instead of plowin' out our course across the trackless 

main ; 
But east or west, or anywhere we chose to turn our eye, 
They only ran a little way before they hit the sky. 
And all the earth seemed narrowed up within a little 

space 
Which we could cross within an hour, and not increase 

our pace. 
I'd always lived among the hills that ridge the Em- 
pire State 
In undulations just as far as sight can penetrate, 
And still give no impression that the rim was very 

near, 
Where anyone could, if he wished, step off the hemi- 
sphere ; 
But here, the level prairies have a sense of narrowness. 
As difhcult to analyze as it was to repress. 
It might have been the atmosphere, for anything I 

knew. 
So laden with the comin' storm that sight could not 

go through, 
Save only for a little space, but be it as it may, 
I couldn't outline how it seemed in any other way. 
I said a storm was gatherin', of course I didn't know, 
By any indication, whether it was rain or snow. 
The weather, since I started, up till now, was very 

fine, 
With not a bit of snow or ice in sight along the line. 
And almost warm enough to ride without a fire by day ; 



TRIP TO KANSAS. 159 

The nights, of course, were frosty, when the steam- 
pipes came in play. 
But presently we noticed that the ice began to form 
On water by the roadside and it soon began to storm ; 
At first it was as fine as frost, and filtered through the 

air 
Almost unnoticed only by the white streaks here and 

there 
Upon the little ice-fields in the ditches by the way, 
And we were in a blizzard by the middle of the day. 
I'd often read about them, but it's quite another thing 
To ride into one quickly, from an atmosphere of spring. 
We got to Kansas City just about an hour late. 
With blizzard ragin' fiercely, and had half an hour to 

wait. 
It wasn't quite a picnic for the few of us who must, 
To gather up our luggage, and go through the clouds 

of "dust" 
Which sifted all about us, and get on another train. 
And get ourselves adjusted by the time it moved again ; 
Especially the walkin', and the w^aitin' in the snow, 
With mercury at zero, and a quite a way below, 
And overshoes within our grip, because we chanced 

to lack, 
Just when we might have used it, but a moment to un- 
pack. 
(The truth is, we expected that no change would be 

required. 
Until we reached the station where our ticket had ex- 
pired, 



l6o UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And that was quite a distance, but the porter made it 

plain, 
Without extended argument that we must change our 

train. ) 
While cars were movin' everywhere, and goin' to and 

fro. 
And passengers, with grip in hand, were waitin' in the 

snow. 
And frost was creepin' through their cloths to every 

nerve and vein. 
Of those of us who waited for the makin' of the train. 
But thirty minutes crept around, in spite of frost and 

snow, 
And we were told to ' ' get aboard, ' ' and soon were on 

the go. 
The cars from Kansas City on were sparsely occupied, 
And didn't have the heatin' pipes along on either side. 
The country we were traversin' had interest to me. 
Because of what had happened in it's early history. 
My youthful blood was greatly stirred, in those his- 
toric times. 
While readin' of the cruel deeds and border-ruffian 

crimes, 
Through which the Kansas pioneers had fought their 

bloody way 
To statehood and to freedom that she occupies today, 
I had a lot of school-day friends who mingled in that 

strife. 
And some sealed their devotion by the sacrifice of life. 
One noble fellow gave his life, as I remember well, 



TRIP TO KANSAS. l6l 

Within the streets of Lawrence, where so many others 

fell 
By the relentless bullets of the ruffians who obeyed 

The orders of their chieftain, in the famous Quantrel 

raid. 
I loved him as my tutor, when he taught ,my boyish 

pen, 
And later when he ranked among the brainiest of men. 
He always stood among the best, with courage to defy 
The foes of human freedom, and with fortitude to die. 
I wanted to see lyawrence, where his martyr blood was 

shed. 
And mingled with the others of her hero patriot dead ; 
But though it was in daylight, and we made a mo- 
ment's halt. 
The privilege I coveted went by me in default 
Of courage that was equal to defy a blizzard's face 
To catch some little glimpses, through the storm, of 

such a place ; 
And so we passed it thinkin' of the part which had 

been played 
Upon the very spot where now the iron rails were 

laid. 
Which bore us on so smoothly through the rage of 

such a day, 

And paid our grateful homage to the heroes passed 
away. 

The storm kept on iucreasin', and our progress was 

delayed 
From keepin' up to schedule time, till I was much 

afraid 

11 



l62 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

That we should reach Emporia, where I must leave the 
main, 

And go upon the southern branch, too late to catch the 
train. 

Thus far I had been fortunate, and only been delayed 

A half hour each at stations where my changes had 
been made ; 

But when at seven-thirty, when we reached Emporia, 

I found, upon inquiry, that I had a night to stay, 

It wasn't a condition, it may easily be guessed, 

Though after such a weary ride, invitin' me to rest. 

The errand which had brought me there was one re- 
quirin' haste. 

And now eleven hours to wait seemed quite a time to 
waste ; 

But there was nothin' else to do, as far as I could see, 

Than just to make a virtue of a stern necessity. 

The storm had ceased by this time, and the stars were 
shinin' clear. 

The wind had stopped it's ragin', but the cold was 
most severe. 

I found a hotel porter from an inn across the street, 

And toward it's hospitality turned my reluctant feet. 

The mornin' crisp but pleasant came, and I was up 
and dressed. 

Refreshed somewhat by slumber, it must also be con- 
fessed. 

And soon was rollin' southward to complete my out- 
ward trip. 

With questions runnin' through my thoughts, if not 
upon my lip. 



TRIP TO KANSAS. 1 63 

Of whether I should be in time to reach my brother's 
bed, 

With him alive to greet me, or should only find him 
dead. 

I found on board some passengers who knew my 
brother well, 

And one of them, a lawyer, had some pleasant news 
to tell. 

He told me he was better ; that he heard the day be- 
fore 

That he was able to sit up for half an hour or more. 

And that the indications were, as near as they could 
tell, 

He might survive for quite a while, and possibly get 
well. 

He said that just three days before his symptoms took 
a turn, 

With hope almost abandoned, and from what could be 
discerned. 

Not owin' to the treatment ; and I think my face be- 
trayed, 

If he was half a reader, what relief his words con- 
veyed. 

I know I felt like sayin', though I did not speak the 
word. 

Yet might been pardoned if I had, a hearty "praise 
the Lord." 

I'd sent a card ahead of me the Saturday before, 

To tell them I was comin', and their team was at the 
door 



164 UNCLE AIvVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

When we pulled in the station, and the first one that I 

hit, 
After I reached the platform with my little travelin' 

kit, 
Was one as tall as I am, who at once began to laugh. 
For I looked so exactly like my latest photograph 
Which I had sent six months before, he couldn't have 

a doubt 
But I was just the passenger that he was lookin' out. 
And called me Uncle Al at once, and gave my hand a 

shake, 
A little like the Methodists ; not quite enough to 

break 
The bones within the fingers, but enough to make one 

sure 
That 'tisn't putty they have got, though what they 

can endure. 
We had but just a mile or so to ride, but I declare, 
I thought my hands would surely freeze before we 

could get there. 
I had a pair of common gloves, a little snug, 'tis true. 
Of leather (rat-skin kid, I guess) and cotton lined all 

through ; 
And when I pulled them on my hands, I thought I 

could defy 
The zero weather for a while, and wouldn't need to 

try; 
But when I reached my brother's and had greeted one 

by one, 
Of those who formed his household, they were achin', 

oh, like fun ; 



Trip To Kansas. 165 

And when I liad removed my gloves, my bran new 

gloves of kid, 
I threw them in a corner, and the first thing that I did 
Was plunge my hands in water which I asked my 

niece to bring, 
As cold as water could be, and I found it just the thing ; 
It wasn't half a minute till the ache began to go, 
And left no trace of frost behind either to feel or show. 
I found my brother better, though not able yet to 

walk. 
But so improved in strength that he could lie in bed 

and talk. 
I know I can not hope to make some other person see 
Just what that first day's visit was to brother and to me. 
We hadn' t seen each other for the last ten years or so, 
And it can not be wondered that his mouth was bound 

to go ; 
He thought of questions faster than a petifogger could, 
And put them in a manner that he made them under- 
stood, 
Of people and of places that he'd known in years gone 

And kept me — like a witness on the stand to testify — 
So busy with my answers that the moments fairly 

flew. 
And sometimes I turned questioner to see how much 

he knew. 
Till I began to worry, as they came and went so thick, 
For fear he'd over-do it and would make himself more 

sick : 



l66 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

But caution didn't count for much, liis tongue ran on 

the same 
Without an intermission till the evenin' shadows came, 
And even on till ten o'clock beside the winter fire, 
Till I, in pity for him, felt it duty to retire. 
I can't go into details of the days which followed that, 
But one can well conjecture they were pretty full of 

chat. 
I told them at the outset of the limit to my stay, 
That I had only just two weeks that I could be away ; 
And minutes had a value seldom realized before, 
With neither of us knowin' what the future held in 

store. 
His children were all married, and were settled near 

at hand. 
The Uoys all bein' farmers, owning each a piece of 

land 
From one to four miles out from home, and I must 

spend a day 
To visit at the home of each before I came away, 
A thing, of course, that I enjoyed, and only could re- 
gret 
That it could not be longer by the limits I had set. 
They had revival meetin's at the village every night, 
About a mile from brother's, though a little out of 

sight. 
Because a belt of timber and some orchards lay be- 
tween, 
But otherwise the village and the church could have 
been seen. 



TRIP TO KANSAS. 167 

The children went each evenin', and of course invited 

me, 
And I went partly, I confess, of curiosity ; 
Not that revival nieetin's did not have an interest. 
Without another motive to attend them in the West, 
For I had come from one at home, and witnessed with 

delight, 
The people turnin' to the Lord by dozens every night ; 
But I was anxious to attend so far from home to see, 
Ifthey had better methods of conductin' them than we. 
I took a lively interest, and took along some fire 
To help along the meetin', if occasion should require. 
The house was filled with people, and they mostly 

seemed to pay 
Attention to the preacher and hear what he had to say ; 
But when the sermon ended with a logical appeal. 
There wasn't in it anything to make the people feel. 
And scarcely anybody moved, but stood with one ac- 
cord, 
As though they had no interest in turnin' to the Lord. 
I couldn't help but wonder if the ministry were sent 
To win the world to Jesus by cold-blooded argument. 
I felt the gospel fever to my very finger-tips, 
And, later in the meetin' it came out between my lips, 
At first around the altar, for a single soul was there. 
And members were not over free to lift their voice in 

prayer ; 
And when the preacher afterward gave opportunity 
For those of us who loved the Lord to briefly testify, 
I couldn't help but tell ,them, in an earnest, tender 
word. 



l68 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

That I had found a blessin' in the service of the Lord. 
Four nights I went to meetin', which was all that I 

could spare 
Away from brother's bed-side, of the time I could be 

there. 
Not over half a dozen had, as far as I could see, 
Accepted of salvation with the opportunity. 
It always makes me sad to see that men can ever seem 
To lack an inspiration when they handle such a theme. 
And follow out their argument as stoical as though 
It simply meant a business deal, instead of endless woe. 
I can not comprehend it, how a man whom God has 

sent 
To preach the blessed word of life can be at all con- 
tent, 
By goin' through the formula from week to week and 

not 
Expect and plan for victory, and do it on the spot. 
This goin' through the sacred forms in regular routine, 
Without expectin' fruitage, is too much like a ma. 

' chine ; 
And preachers needn't wonder, and they ought not to 

inquire 
Why multitudes are so unreached, till they shall get 

on fire, 
And preach a red-hot gospel, which can reach the 

uttermost. 
And make the sinner tremble, and completely save the 

lost. 

I'd call it a misfortune if they had the multitudes 

To listen to their arguments, so much like platitudes, 



'TRIP ro KANSAS. 1 69 

While they were unconverted, for they naturally 

would grow 
More callous to the gospel claims the longer they 

should go. 
And sinners are not all to blame, who listen year by 

year, 
To preachers who are not enthused, and seldom shed 

a tear. 
Or manifest a grave concern for fear they may be lost, 
Nor strive to win them to the Lord at almost any cost, 
But preach their sermons, two by two, as Sabbaths 

come and go, 

And ask no further questions whether men will yield 
or no. 

The preachers are a brainy lot, when taken as a class, 

But if we were to judge them by the things they bring 

to pass, 
They would not measure, even up, with those who 

drive the plow, 
Or teach, or get their livin' by their labors anyhow. 
The preacher's livin' is assured (a sort of favored lot) 
If he goes through the motions, whether he succeeds 

or not. 
While competition forces almost every other class 
To figure their successes by what they can bring to 

pass. 

The fault is in their methods, for they overlook, some- 
how, 
That even worldly men succeed by seizin' on the now. 
While that old gospel which they preach proclaims no 
other way 



170 UNCI.K AI.VIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Than just to offer and accept the gospel hope " to-day." 
Yet weeks and months and years go by, in some men's 

ministry, 
Without an invitation for convicted souls to try 
The virtue of the gospel plan, by openin' the way 
For them to do it on the spot, and make no more de- 
lay. 
The " now " was meant for preachers quite as much, 

and may be more, 
To seize their opportunities, as those they stand be- 
fore, 
And wisely cast the gospel net, as they who fish for 

men. 
While they were interested, and to do it there and 

then. 
If I have got a steer for sale, I don't think I would say 
To any interested man ' ' please call another day, ' ' 
I'd try and close the deal at once ; and every business 

man. 
Who is at all successful always follows such a plan. 
If winnin' souls is business, who is dull enough to say 
That it will not succeed the best by such a business 

way? 
And I have seen the method tried and prove a grand 

success, 
In leadin' many souls from sin to lives of righteous- 
ness. 
By makin' text and sermon keep this single end in 

view. 
Then shake the tree and gather fruit as soon as it is 
through. 



TRIP TO KANSAS. 17I 

What sort of an evangelist would any preacher be 
Who carried out the methods of the common ministry ; 
Who gave a Bible lecture full of argument to prove 
That God has sent His only Son, to manifest His love, 
And open up a fountain, as a remedy for sin. 
And gave no invitation for the people to plunge in ? 
And if the open fountain needs an always open door, 
To make it most effectual and gather in the more. 
Then why should preachers follow in an antiquated 

rut, 
And keep the door of privilege effectually shut ? 
If souls are what they're preachin' for, their measure 

of success 
Is measured by the number which their labors reach 

and bless, 
And he who wins no trophies for liis lyord — it seems 

to me — 
May doubt his methods, or his call to such a ministry. 
Why shouldn't every service have enough of Pentecost 
To fire the heart of preachers with a zeal to save the 

lost, 
And bring the open fountain just as near the sinner's 

feet 
As privilege can do it, and as often as they meet ? 
I've wondered, as I've witnessed such a lack of busi- 
ness sense, 
How men can lay their failures of success to Provi- 
dence, 
When even children manifest, in all their little games, 
No expectation of results above their childish aims. 



172 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND AfiROAt). 

The one thing to be prayed for most devoutly, I should 

say, 
Is that the fire of God may fall, and quickly burn away 
The notion from the thoughts of men, in pulpit and 

in pew, 
That God intends His harvests to be gathered by the 

few. 
The question of ^'^the multitudes " which occupy the 

pen 
Of many of our ministers and literary men, 
And how to reach and save them by the gospel's 

gentle power, 
Is one whose quick solution is more needful every 

hour ; 
But preachin' will not do it, in the ordinary way. 
Nor prayers accomplish very much, as most of people 

pray. 
But when the preachers are baptised with love for 

dying men. 
Which takes the gospel to them with their lips, and 

not their pen, 
And goes himself, and leads his flock to do those help- 
ful deeds 
Which manifests a sympathy with other people's 

needs, 
And teaches the sweet gospel of our common brother- 
hood, 
The church will reach the multitudes, and do a lot of 

good. 
The church could get a lot of hints of how to win 

success. 



TRIP TO KANSAS. 173 

By thinkin' of her duty more, and human weakness 

less, 
And watchin' how the enemies they battle operate ; 
They never think of weakness, and they never sit and 

wait 
For people to come to them, and don't call it sacrifice 
To do some inconvenient things without regard to 

price ; 
But go about the business in a business sort of way, 
A lot more anxious to succeed than they are for to 

pay. 
A sort of inspiration takes possession of the mind. 
To spread their vile infection to the others of their 

kind, 
And makes them swift and skillful to inoculate their 

kin. 
With all the hateful virus of the leprosy of sin. 
And christians ought to learn of them, and might if 

they were shrewd. 
The way the gospel may be made to reach the multi- 
tude. 
They might, with profit, copy from their hand to hand 

appeal. 
And show the same "abandon " in the matter of their 

zeal. 
With equal consecration, in the work which they en- 
gage. 
And have an equal courage in the warfare which they 

wage. 
Indeed, we ought to shame them, by exceedin' them 

in zeal. 



174 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

As much as heavenly joys exceed the pleasures which 

they feel ; 
As much as our commission is above the one they bear, 
By leadin' men to Heaven, while they lead them to 

despair ; 
As much as inspiration by the Holy Ghost imparts 
A mightier upliftin' to our human minds and hearts, 
Than any one that can come to them from any source 

they know ; 
And yet their feet are often swift, while christians feet 

are slow. 
I'd like to know if every one, when Christ comes in 

the heart. 
Is not, by that relation, as completely set apart 
To help Him spread His kingdom till the last man 

shall be won, 
As by the layin' on of hands — by whomsoever done ? 
Each man and woman of us, of whatever name or creed, 
Hold just as high commission, if we have the sense to 

read, 
As any that can come to men, to make our efforts tell. 
Up to their utmost limit, in redeemin' men from hell. 
The fact that we don' t know it — as is evidently true 
Of many who are christian in the forms which they go 

through — 
Proves either our stolidity, or serves to indicate. 
As sure as a thermometer, what is our inward state. 
God send his blessin' on us, in the pulpit and the pew. 
To give us comprehension of the work we need to do. 
And wisdom as to methods, lest we make the grave 

mistake. 



TRIP TO KANSAS- 1 75 

Ofcallin' motion progress, in the efforts that we make ; 
But not the kind of blessin' for which most of 

christians sigh,. 
Which simply means a feelin' of an inward ecstacy, 
That spends itself in shoutin' more than efforts made 

to win 

The lost who are about them from the fatal power of 
sin. 

We need that kind of blessin' which will make us ap- 
prehend 
What means will most contribute to the most desired 

end, 
And then imparts the courage for it oftener than not, 
To follow where the Spirit leads, will call for quite a 

lot; 
A blessin' too, that gives us the ability to see 
That our success will not depend on brains and 

brilliancy, 
So much as on the Spirit's help, in efforts made to win 
The lost who are about us from the awful power of sin. 
The Spirit ! ah, the Spirit of the Master which can 

go 
To any heights above us, or to any depths below, 
To reach and win a single soul, and not a thought 

arise, 
In all our seekin' after them, that it was sacrifice ! 
But we shall.be impelled by love, to do the best we 

can. 

To take the great salvation to another fellow man, 
Because it has embraced him, in the great provision 
made, 



176 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And on the same conditions as ourselves, and needs 

our aid ; 
Because he stands beside us in a common brother- 
hood, 
With equal possibilities for gettin' equal good ; 
Exposed to equal peril from the thunderbolts of wrath 
Which fall, in simple justice, upon every sinner's 

path ; 
With us, when mercy found us, and received us to a 

place 
Among the hosts of others, in the kingdom of His 

grace. 
Well, time is never swifter than it is when we would 

stay. 
The flyin' minutes, if we could, provokin' some delay ; 
And so I found the limit to my visit drawin' nigh. 
When I must journey homeward, and must bid my 

friends good-bye. 
For just how long a period I couldn't help but see 
Was shrouded in the mazes of a great uncertainty. 
That brother was improvin' at a rate which justified 
Our hopes of his recovery could not be well denied ; 
He visited incessantly without fatigue or harm. 
And felt no little wish, of course, to show me 'round 

the farm, 
While I was more than satisfied to see him on the gain. 
And let the boys conduct me through the ancestral 

domain. 
I didn't wonder that he felt a little thrill of pride 
At ownin' such a prairie farm and timber belt beside ; 



TRIP TO KANSAS. 177 

He had some twenty acres of as fine a timber belt 
As one could well imagine, lyin' west of where he 

dwelt, 
Which served the double purpose of a wind-brake 

from the storm, 
And fuel for his kitchen and to keep his household 

warm. 
And then such level acres of a soil so rich and deep. 
Where nature's hidden treasures have been stored 

away to keep 
For generations yet unborn, but dolin' to the need, 
At each succeedin' harvest, of the mouths that she 

must feed, 
Wi^h resource undiminished, if we measure by the 

yield 
Of yearly golden harvests that are gathered from the 

field. 
The last days of my visit he was able to be dressed, 
And sit in his accustomed place at table with the rest, 
And tried his hand at walkin', for a little, with a cane, 
The afternoon I came away, out doors and back again. 
The children came to see me off, and when they all 

were there. 
My brother's wife requested me to lead them all in 

prayer ; 
And so we knelt together, for the last time, as it proved, 
Commendin' everything to God concernin' those we 

loved ; 
Then took a hasty supper, and amid their tearful eyes. 
Gave each of them a parti n' hand, and said the sad 

good-byes, 

13 



178 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And started for the station ; and, of course, I needn't 
say 

I did some solemn tliinkin' while we slowly rode 
away. 

The train was due at six o'clock and this was Thurs- 
day night, 

And if we had no accidents, and made connections 
right, 

I planned that I should be at home, twelve hundred 
miles away, 

A little in the evenin' of the comin' Saturday, 

But when I reached Emporia, and struck the Santa Fe, 

At nine o'clock that evenin', it was plain enough to 
see 

My plans were disconcerted by the men who operate 

The train that was to bring me, for I had five hours 
to wait. 

I waited at a hotel just across the street instead 

Of stayin' at the station, but I didn't go to bed. 

I had an opportunity of seein', all unsought, 

The strength of Prohibition in a way I had not 
thought ; 

I'd heard so many tellin' of its failures where 'twas 
tried. 

And had my own opinions that they didn't know, or 
lied, 

Because I knew enough of law to know that, any- 
where. 

The people could enforce it if they wanted to, or dare, 

And if a law is broken down, it only goes to show. 



TlilP TO KANSAS. 179 

That men are either cowards, or so vile they want it 

so ; 
For here in free America manhood is stultified 
When such a declaration shall be anywhere denied, 
And arguments are needless, and a waste of time and 

pains. 
To prove a thing so evident to anyone with brains. 
A man came in the hotel who had been to see a play 
That educates the people in a modern sort of way, 
By actin' out before them, till it seems reality. 
Some case of love's betrayal, or of lust and tragedy, 
That evenin', at the theater; a man whose breath be- 
trayed 
That he was in the secret of the "boot-leg " whiskey 

trade. 
While in the outside pocket of his overcoat I saw 
A silent, black-nosed witness to an outraged, broken 

law ; 
And presently the night-clerk had arisen from his seat, 
And crossed the room to where he stood, and stumped 

him for a treat. 
Without a word, he passed it out, but looked a little 

queer. 
As if he half suspected that some spotters might be 

near ; 
The night-clerk tipped the bottle with a relish, one 

could see, 
And when his thirst was satisfied, he proffered it to me. 
Politely I declined it, and received for a reply, 
" I took you for a Prohi," but he didn't tell me wdiy. 
And by the way he said it, it was not quite evident 



I So UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Whether it was intended as a slur or compliment. 

He handed back the bottle, which would hold a quart 
or more, 

And it was carelessly replaced where it had been be- 
fore. 

The stranger was a spare-built man, whose looks 
would indicate 

The "cow-boy" type of citizen, from some uncertain 
State, 

And yet he was good-lookin', with an eye as black as 
night. 

With hair and beard to match them, while his hands 
were soft and white ; 

His wide-rim hat became him, and he had that easy 
air, 

In both his dress and manners, of a man that doesn't 
care ; 

As far removed from sloven as he was from common 
dude. 

And reticent as one could be, without appearin' rude ; 

He only spoke when spoken to, and then in curt re- 
ply, 

Sd different from most of men when they are on the 
"fly ;" 

And all the information which the night-clerk seemed 
to gain 

Was that, like me, he waited for the early mornin' 
train. 

He said, when asked the question if he wanted to re- 
tire, 



I'RIP TO KANSAS. l8l 

That he would take his lodgin' in the chair beside the 

fire ; 
And suitin' action to the word, he slid down in a chair, 
With feet upon the table, and was soon a snorin' 

there. 
With crazy whiskey in him, and a cozy fire outside. 
He couldn't well have kept awake, provided he had 

tried. 
The clerk and I kept chattin', while I waited for the 

train, 
Partly for information of the place which I could gain, 
By plyin' him with questions of a character to draw 
What he knew of the failure of the Prohibition law. 
The city had twelve thousand, and he said that one 

could find, 
Provided they were hunters, a few ' ' tigers ' ' that were 

"blind," 
Where whiskey of the vilest sort was sold upon the 

sly, 
And mostly by the ' ' demi-monde, ' ' to those who wish 

to buy, 
But nowhere that he ever knew could open bars be 

seen. 
With nothin' more to hide them than the ordinary 

screen. 
Our sleeper with the bottle had a quiet nap awhile, 
His head thrown back against the wall, his feet upon 

the stile, 
Or on the office table ; but it soon was evident 
His stomach wasn't sharin' in the general content. 



l82 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

He twitched, and flung liis feet about, from table to 

the floor. 
Without an interruption in the vohime of his snore, 
And presently we noticed that his bosom rose and fell, 
And yielded to the pressure of a mighty upward swell. 
Which sent a jet of fluids in a skyward, fragrant spray. 
Which fell back in his bosom, and baptized him 

where he lay. 
The night clerk tried to wake him, or at least to turn 

him o'er, 
To spare his clothes, and let the spray upon the office 

floor ; 
But he resisted stoutly, and between a growl and 

groan. 

Demanded, in no modest terms, that he be let alone. 
The clerk was glad to turn away, and let him slumber 

on. 
For such another picture, we presume, was never 

drawn. 
He got his whisky slyly, but the picture that we saw 
Was quite a vindication of defied and broken law. 
His clothes would be a witness which no court could 

set aside. 
If he should be arraigned before the law he had defied. 
I hoped the object-lesson might, perhaps, assist the 

clerk 
To shun the whisky devil, when he saw his fearful 

work ; 
But didn't feel like askin', as between his company, 
Which one he had enjoyed the most, his drunken 

chum or me. 



'TRIP TO KANSAS. 1 83 

I might be "Prohibition," but it couldn't well be 

said, 
That ever, in its practice, I had wholly lost my head, 
Or spoiled my clothes with vomit, or disgusted com- 
pany 
With such an exhibition as was sickenin' to see. 
The train pulled in at two a. m., and while the sleeper 

lay 
As drunk and sleepy as before, I quickly rode away. 
I don't rejoice when anyone has met discomfiture. 
Which brings an added burden for a fellow to endure ; 
But when we left without him, it was not with much 

regret 
To leave the most disgustin' sight my eyes had ever 

met. 
I'd seen a thousand drunkards, and in almost every 

stage. 
From beardless boys of tender years to men of hoary 

age, 
And heard their drunken jabber, when their tongues 

were gettin' thick, 
Recitin' smutty stories that would make a buzzard 

sick ; 
Had seen the sidewalks covered with the drunkard's 

filthy spew. 
In almost every license place that I had traveled 

through ; 
But "boot-leg" whisky takes the palm, of things I 

ever saw, 
To be it's own detective for a violated law. 



184 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

We got to Kansas City, where by traveler's common 
fate, 

We found, upon inquiring, we had two more hours to 
wait. 

The mornin' sky was cloudy, and the piercin' winter 
breeze 

Would chill one to the marrow, though the water 
didn't freeze. 

I didn't leave the station far, for keepin' near a fire 

Had more than curiosity to satisfy desire. 

At nine the train was ready, but we hadn't traveled 
long 

Before I found regretfully that I had figured wrong ; 

We stopped at every station, and were makin' head- 
way slow. 

When I had but the one desire that they would let her 

go- 
But presently the sun came out, and such a perfect 

day 
Could hardly have been equaled in the very heart of 

May. 
We rode with windows open through a landscape 

which to see 
Would captivate a scion of the art of husbandry. 
The broad and level prairies, which were dotted here 

and there 
With signs of thrift and culture, and the black soil 

everywhere, 
Would make an eastern farmer — if he hadn't lots of 

grace — 



TRIP TO KANSAS. 1 85 

Grow almost green witli envy at the owners of the 

place, 
I felt a compensation for the dronin' speed we made, 
In leisurely surveyin' all the beauty there displayed, 
And spent the day delightfully, in spite of all my 

haste, 
And grudgin' of the moments which our frequent stops 

would waste. 
The night was not as pleasant, but I found reclinin' 

chairs 
Were better than the rigid seats for droppin' off one's 

cares, 
And slept and walked the aisles by turns, and got as 

much repose 
As one could be expected to, with corns upon his toes. 
The weather took a tumble, from the laughin' lap of 

May, 
Before we reached Chicago, to a snow-white winter's 

day, 
And overcoats and rubbers were no longer held for 

show, 
But rendered grateful service in Chicago's fleece of 

snow. 
We reached the Dearborn station, and unloaded from 

the train, 
To find a wait of seven hours before we'd start again ; 
We took our breakfast leisurely, and for a little toll. 
We checked our grip and basket, and then started for 

a stroll. 
The first thing we consulted was a large directory, 



l86 UNCI.E AI.VIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

To locate certain places which we cared the most to 

see, 
And then set out to find them, through the grime and 

soot and snow 
Which lay about two inches deep on things both high 

and low. 
And didn't see a sidewalk in that stroll of half a day, 
That showed the slightest evidence of bein' cleaned 

away. 
The snow was just about like sand beneath a person's 

feet, 
And there was little choice between the sidewalk and 

the street. 
I reached the points of interest for which I started out, 
With only the directory to indicate the route. 
I got in conversation with a man the night before. 
Whom I should take for sixty, or perhaps a trifle more. 
Who'd spent a month of fruitless search in California, 
To find a younger brother, who, he told me went away 
Some twenty years or more ago, from whom he 

hadn't heard. 
After the first few letters, not a solitary word, 
And he set out to find him, and had made the journey 

there. 
Out from his home in Canada, and hunted everywhere, 
And made inquiry for him through the California 

press, 
By askin' any one who knew to send him his address ; 
Till he was taken sick himself, and for a week or so 
It seemed a little doubtful whether he would live or no ; 



TRIP TO KANSAS, 1 87 

And wlien the tide turned backward lie felt fully justi- 
fied 
To take his journey homeward just as soon as he could 

ride, 
And yet with great reluctancy, and feelin', as he said, 
That such suspense was even worse than knowin' he 

was dead. 
His story and his feeble health aroused my sympathy, 
The more, undoubtedly, because of what had come to 

me. 
At two o'clock that afternoon I bade a glad adieu 
To loungin' in Chicago, and had started out anew, 
This time on board an Erie train, a flyer, and I knew 
That wouldn't stop at every place that she was passin' 

through ; 
And somehow, when I took my seat in that familiar 

train. 
There came a sort of feelin' that I was at home again. 
I saw, as we were pullin' out, a cutter and a sleigh, 
The first of either I had seen while I had been away ; 
In fact, through all the winter, for before I went from 

home. 
Even the Christmas sleighin' that was wished for 

hadn't come. 
There were a lot of empty seats, but when I vainly 

tried 
To open two together, for a little cozier ride, 
A brakeman who was passin' through the train po- 
litely said. 
An order had been issued that the seats were not a 
bed. 



1 88 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Of course, I recognized the fact, but hadn't ridden far, 
Before I found a double seat, the first one in the car, 
And both of them unoccupied, so I had found my 

"bed," 
And hadn't done a single thing that was prohibited. 
And when I got myself arranged as restful as I could. 
For weariness had not progressed up to the sleepin' 

mood, 
I mused upon the company's refusin' to provide. 
By such a crumb of comfort, for the passengers who 

ride. 
And wondered if that order wasn't born of some in- 
trigue 
Between the Pullman and themselves, by joinin' in a 

league. 
Whereby to help the Pullman folks to force an extra 

fare 
From those who feel they must have rest, and cannot 

get it there. 
And yet they may have done it from an overflow of 

pride. 
To keep folks in position they consider dignified ; 
For people stretched across the seats to sleep, I will 

admit, 
Don't cut as fine a figure as the passengers who sit. 
But weary nature doesn't care so much for dignity. 
That she can sit bolt upright, just for other folks to 

see ; 
But when she is prescribed for room is liable to squirm 
Into some sad contortions, and to tie up, like a worm. 



TRIP To KANSAS. 1 89 

I do not know exactly where my cogitations stopped, 

But somewhere near the middle, I conclude, the shuttle 
dropped ; 

For when I woke at midnight there was quiet in the 
room 

Where lately it was flyin' through the web of fancy's 
loom ; 

And just across the alley from the "bed " I occupied 

My wakin' thoughts were startled by a little child that 
cried. 

The weary lookin' mother did her best to still the cry. 

Which baby's voice was givin' out, without his 
knowin' why, 

Except that he was feelin' in a splendid cryin' mood, 

And exercised his liberty, and cried because he could. 

But if he could have reasoned, he might well felt jus- 
tified 

For makin' all those noises, by his long and tiresome 
ride ; 

His mother told me later, when the w^eary eyes were 
closed, 

And for a little interval her children both reposed, 

That they had traveled all the week, and now were 
on their way 

From clear across the continent, where ocean breezes 
play. 

To join her husband in the East, near to her child- 
hood home. 

Where he had gone some months before, and now 
wished her to come. 



190 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

They'd started out together, when their hopes were 

beatin' high, 
With what they should accomplish in the brilliant bye 

and bye. 
As soon as they were married, and had done their level 

best 
To carve out that prosperity they sought, by goin' 

West ; 
And for a while they flourished, and their dreams 

seemed comin' true, 
Because he got good wages, and had lots of work to do ; 
But when the panic struck the West, they saw the 

bubble burst. 
For laborers were, everywhere, the ones to feel it 

worst. 
And he was forced to leave his wife and little ones 

behind, 
To seek again their Eastern home, and try v/hat he 

could find ; 
And now, as I have stated, she was goin' back to-day, 
With just .her two sweet children more than what she 

took away. 
I hadn't been inquisitive to learn her history, 
But what of it she gave me, she did voluntarily. 
Moved by those intuitions which lead people to dis- 
close 
Some things to utter strangers, of their happiness or 

woes ; 
For public lines of travel, where so many strangers 

meet, 



TRIP TO KANSAS. 19^ 

And ride for days together, almost touchin' hands and 

feet, 
Break down conventionalities, and make partitions 

thin, 
Which makes us slow to recognize that all mankind 

are kin. 
Sometimes a high-born fellow can maintain his grip, 

and hold 
A frigid reservation from the folks of common mold. 
And pose among his fellows as a sort of self-crowned 

king. 
But they go on without him with but little bothermg. 
The homage that is given him is difficult to find. 
Outside the strange gyrations of his own belittled mind. 
There's not a school like travel, which confers such 

high degrees 
On those who have the sense to use its opportunities. 
Which broadens our conception of the oneness of our 

race. 
And links the poles together in such brevity of space. 
I fell to musin', as I saw the woman drop her head. 
Almost the moment when her babe at last was quieted ; 
And sleep from sheer exhaustion, yet with quickened 

sense which heard. 
Almost the slightest noises when her sleepin' babies 

stirred ; 
And wondered, as I witnessed it, how much I really 

knew 
About that sort of weariness that she was passin' 
through ; 



192 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

I, who had nothin' but my grip that needed any care, 
And that might quickly be bestowed it mattered little 

where, 
And all the room I needed, and no person to molest, 
By needin' my attention, any attitude of rest. 
Until I almost felt ashamed for even havin' tried 
To find a restful attitude for portions of my ride. 
The first time in my history I saw a Sabbath dawn 
Through flyin' latticed windows, as our train sped on 

and on. 
The stops were so infrequent that a quiet seemed to 

reign. 
Peculiar to the Sabbath, even there upon the train ; 
A sacred hush, I fancied, took possession of each 

breast. 
Through which the mystic presence of the Lord was 

manifest. 
We heard no ringin' church-bells at the customary 

time, 
Callin' on us to worship by the voice of every chime ; 
We heard no pealin' organ, or the voice of any choir, 
To furnish inspiration, or give wings to our desire ; 
But, somehow, every whistle of the engine seemed to 

say. 

And rumblin' wheels responded back, ' ' This is the 

Sabbath day. ' ' 
At nine o'clock, or thereabout, I saw my lady friend 
Gsttin' herself in readiness to reach her journey's end. 
And when the whistle sounded, and the station hove 

in sight. 
She gathered up her babies to be ready to alight. 



TRIP TO KANSAS. 193 

While I was glad to help her in such manner as I 

could, 
By takin' out her luggage, as a fellow traveler should, 
And shared, somewhat, her pleasure, in the welcome , 

she received, 
As well as from the care and strain of which she was 

relieved. 
After the train was under way, the balance of my ride 
Was made with the conductor seated closely at my 

side, 
rd seen the man converted just before I went away, 
And now was more than glad to hear the things he 

had to say. 
He kept his Bible with him, and he said, as well he 

might. 
That time he spent in readin' it afforded him delight, 
And made him feel how rich he was, with such a 

boundless store 
To minister to all his needs, now and forever more. 
Or course my first inquiry was who had been gathered 

And started for the kingdom, from the slippery paths 

of sin ; 
And when he mentioned over names that I had 

known so well. 
It thrilled me with a pleasure which no words can fitly 

tell ; 
And still the work was goin' on ; that was the best of 

all, 
And souls were nightly yieldin' to accept the gospel 

call. 

13 



194 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Though ridin' on the Sabbath wasn't just the means 

of grace 
That I would have selected, yet He sanctified the 

place, 
And made a sacred music from the rumble and the 

roll. 
And cars a house of worship, and a bethel to my soul. 
And when the brakeman came along and shouted 

"Hornellsville," 
I had my grip and basket by the time the cars were 

still. 
And lit out on the platform at a most becomin' gait. 
And took the shortest cut for home, though not ex- 
actly straight. 
I found, on Monday mornin', when I took it up again. 
That business hadn' t suffered in the hands of Nancy 

Jane ; 
Bein' my only partner, she knew mostly what to do, 
And all the time I'd been away, had done the work of 

two. 
She felt some disappointment at my gettin' home so 

late. 
For twelve or twenty tardy hours seems quite a while 

to wait. 
But knew what slight contingencies would disconcert 

a plan, 
And kept her head as level as a loyal woman can. 
The sequel to my Kansas trip, it may be fair to state, 
Was sadder than the reader may, perhaps, anticipate. 
The brother for whose sake I went, and who I visited, 



TRIP TO KANSAS. 1 95 

And whom I left improvin' so, in four short months 
was dead. 

We knew what caused his trouble, for a builder's scaf- 
fold fell. 

And strained him somewhere inwardly, but how we 
couldn't tell. 

His doctors had a theory, which possibly was so. 

But they were frank enough to own they truly didn't 
know — 

That cancer had developed from the injury he got, 

Yet had some doubts about it whether it was so or not ; 

But while he mended for a time, and got so he could 
ride, 

And do some little business that would keep him oc- 
cupied. 

It soon became apparent that no human skill could 
save, 

Or much retard his progress in his journey to the 
grave, 

And at an early mornin' hour in the sweet scented 
May, 

Surrounded by his family, he calmly passed away. 



196 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 



UNCLE ALVIN ON SUNDAY EXCURSIONS. 

I s'pose I'm puritanical, in notions which I hold, 
And newer things seem kind o' strange, because I'm 

gettin' old ; 
And like enough, by leavin' them to loiter ^in my 

mind, 
The world may be a goin' on and leavin me behind. 
And if, to younger folks, I seem as goin' rather slow, 
I guess it doesn't matter much, I haven't far to go. 
And I confess I rather like a little slower pace, 
For 'twon't seem quite so sudden when I reach the 

stoppin' place. 

But I've been thinkin' if the day the Lord has always 

blessed, 
Has in it nothin' more for men than just a day of 

rest ; 
And if it's just as well for them to see what they can 

find, 
Of any sort of pleasant way to occupy their mind ? 
If God is God at all, and has a right to have His say. 
What right have men, whom He has made, to put His 

thought away, 
By spendin' it a huntin' up some pleasant thing to see, 
Or, worse than that, byjoinin' in some sort of revelry ? 



ON SUNDAY EXCURSIONS. I97 

I know the railroad companies are so considerate, 

In tliinkin' of the workin' men, whose burdens are so 
great, 

That they (dear souls) will sacrifice half their accus- 
tomed fare, 

To let the workman and his folks go almost any- 
where. 

On this, the only day they have, as every workman 
feels. 

To leave the counter, or the shop, or busy hum of 
wheels ; 

And one would think, to read their " ads," that ridin' 
was so cheap 

That money they work hard to earn is 'most a sin to 
keep. 

-S- 

Of course, it's all of "sympathy" for these poor 

workin' men. 
That cheap excursions are got up on Sundays, now 

and then ; 
And I suppose it's "sympathy" which leads them to 

supply 
A certain kind of beverage, whenever they get dry ; 
And "sympathy" is manifested almost everywhere, 
Till, like enough, the fellow spends much more than 

he can spare. 
And how he's rested from his toil, at night, when he 

gets home. 
And feels refreshed to enter on the week which is to 

come. 



198 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And what if conscience whispers up, as possibly it 

might, 
And gets to be impertinent, about it's bein' right 
For men to take their families, upon the Sabbath day. 
And go a-huntin' pleasure in this careless sort of way ? 
D'yous'pose it makes a difference with anybody's lot, 
Whether the God who made them shall be pleased 

with them or not ? 
And ain't it sin to help it on, in any sort, < for gain. 
As truly as the plannin' it, or runnin' of a train ? 



THE CHRISTIAN'S WEATHER GAUGE. 

It snowed a little yester-night, the consequences were 

That all our city churches had a lot of seats to spare. 

The weather wasn't very cold, nor was there any 
"blow," 

And walkin' wasn't difficult through half an inch of 
snow ; 

Yet those who were commissioned to proclaim the gos- 
pel news 

Were forced to do it mainly to a lot of empty pews. 

The few who love the house of God, and joy to share 
His grace, 

Were sparsely scattered here and there in their ac- 
customed place. 



THK christian's weather GAUGE. I99 

It wasn't so this mornin' when the week-day's work 

began, 
The snow was no obstruction to a single business man ; 
And women didn't hesitate, as we could see, to go, 
Without a sign of shrinkin' through the half an inch 

of snow. 
The shop-girls hastened briskly, and without apparent 

ill, 
To counter, desk or factory with seeming cheery will, 
And even city shoppin', if a lady wished to go. 
Was not considered hazardous, or hindered by the 

.snow. 

And men, with dinner-pails in hand, or with their 

kits of tools. 
Were goin' to their daily toil, and children to the 

schools. 
We doubt if anybody thought that any work must 

stop. 
Because " the weather-bureau " let some little snow- 
flakes drop. 
But, somehow, it was different last evenin', for the 

snow 
Was such a dread to christians that they felt they 

need not go. 
Because it was the Sabbath, and the work was only 

praise, 
And therefore less important than the work of other 

days. 



200 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Two standards evidently must obtain in christian's 

creeds, 
The one a pleasant sentiment, the other earnest deeds ; 
The sentiment pertainin' to the blessed King- of Kings, 
The earnest work pertainin' to the world of common 

things. 
Of course, they couldn't be reversed, for common 

sense would say 
That human needs could not be met in such an easy 

way ; 
The bread and butter battle is no easy fight to win. 
And that's the sort of struggle that the most of us are 

in. 

But when it comes to carin' for the christian's higher 

needs, 
They do net hear, the most of them, the call for 

earnest deeds ; 

They follow inclinations, and see not how these re- 
veal. 

And gauge, to even human eyes, the interest they feel, 

For men do what they want to^ ias the world has come 
to know, 

In spite of little mists of rain, or little falls of snow ; 

And empty seats, on Sabbath, have a voice with 
which they say. 

In no uncertain language, why the people stayed away. 

And so the "gauge " of weather, be it either snow or 



rain 



Is only an occasion that will make their choices plain, 



THK christian's WEATHER GAUGE. 20I 

And test their loyalty to God, a test that must be fair, 
By standards of their week-day life, in practice every- 
where. 
We question, gravely question, whether anything will 

go, 
Before the court of Heaven, in the form of rain or 

snow, 
As reason for neglectin' any service that we may, 
Which wouldn't be an obstacle to week-day work or 
play. 

If business is important, which relates to earthly 

needs. 
And justifies — in it's pursuit — stern thought and 

earnest deeds, 
And laughs at dificulties, and defies the storm we 

meet, 
And trips along life's rugged ways with eager, flying 

feet. 
What comment on our estimate of what the King of 

Kings 
May have in store for human souls among his heavenly 

things, 
That our pursuit is hindered, or our feet refuse to go 
Along the upward path- way, on account of rain or 

snow. 

If feelings, or convenience were the tests that men 

applied 
To lines of earthly business, would their needs be 

satisfied ? 



202 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Does God accept our " sliamin' " , and excuses that 

we give, 
To cover up the worldly, or the listless lives we live ? 
It doesn't take a mountain in our path way to reveal 
To others — if not to ourselves — the interest we feel 
In the Redeemer's kingdom, over there, or here 

below. 
The " weather guage " will test it, by a simple fall 

of snow. 



UNCIvE ALVIN GOES TO HEAR A GREAT 
SINGER. 

I went to hear a singer that had gotten quite a name, 
Because I'd heard so many folks a speakin' of her 

fame. 
And how delightfully she sang, that I began to feel 
That sometime I would hear her sing, if I could make 

the deal ; 
And when I saw it advertised what night she would 

appear, 
I planned that Nancy Jane and I would also then be 

here. 
And get our seats as near the front as cleverly we 

could, 
So we could' see just how she looked, and hear her 

pretty good. 



HEARS A GREAT SINGER. 2O3 

It cost US half a dollar each, but that I didn't mind 
(Though dollars don't lay very thick for workin' folks 

to find), 
And we were fortunate enough, because we wasn't 

late, 
To get a pair of seats in front, that suited us first-rate ; 
And sat there half an hour, or more, while folks were 

gathering, 
For lots of other people came, like us, to hear her sing ; 
And while I waited for her I kept looking round to 

see 
About how many dollars' worth of people there might 

be. 



And I should say a thousand, and perhaps a little 
more. 

Had bought her reputation which had come along be- 
fore, 

Just like ourselves, and if the thing should be but 
second rate. 

She'd have our money, anyhow, regrets would come 
too late. 

I thought five hundred dollars was quite a little sum, 

For just a single one to earn within two hours to come ; 

For I have worked a whole year hard, and do it every 
year, 

With Nancy's work thrown in beside, and don't make 
that much clear. 



204 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And while such worldly thoug-hts as these were 

troopin' through my mind 
The curtain, all at once, rose up, and she stood just 

behind. 
And when 'twas run up high enough, she made a 

graceful bow, 
And then the audience got wild, I thought, and think 

so now. 
They clapped their hands, as one would think, enough 

to make them sore. 
While many swung their handkerchiefs, and others 

stamped the floor ; 
And it seemed quite a while to me before the noise 

was done, 
And singin' we had come to hear was cleverly begun. 

I don't know what the matter was, for we were close 

at hand. 
But there was not a single word that we could under- 
stand ; 
We wasn't deaf, we're sure of that, but somehow every 

note, 
No matter whether high or low, just wobbled in her 

throat 
About like organs with a valve they call a tremolo, 
And made me almost nervous, 'cause the music 

flickered so ; 
But every time she finished up they clapped her an 

encore. 
And brought her back so many times to sing and 

wobble more. 



HEARS A GREAT SINGER. 205 

They say she spent four years away, I think 'twas at 

Berlin, 
A-trainin' of her voice, I s'pose, to put the wobble in, 
For Nature never makes a voice, of woman or of bird, 
That trembles so (except from fright) as ever I have 

heard. 
And even all the elements that whisper, roar or moan, 
Have all of them got something like a grandeur in 

their tone, 
That sends a thrill of pleasure to my senses and my 

heart. 
But I can't say I relish this, if this is truly art. 

She was a splendid lady, though ; her presence on the 

stage 
Was all that ever need be asked, by any patronage, 
And she could sing ! for once or twice she let the 

pucker slip, 
And such sweet notes are seldom heard from any hu- 
man lip ; 
And I kept wishin', after that, she'd let it slip again, 
So she could sing the evenin' through in that de- 
lightful strain, 
For there was music in her voice, as anyone could see. 
Who had a half an ear for it, if she would leave it free. 

But wishin' wasn't any good, the pucker was so 

strong. 
From such persistent trainin' that it ran through all 

the song. 



206 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And we must grin and bear it, though it grated on 
our ear, 

Since it was just the music which we come so far to 
hear ; 

And yet my thoughts were busy with a sort of won- 
derment. 

If that was just the mission on which music had been 
sent. 

And if it had to flutter so, just like a wounded bird. 

To charm a cultured audience, whenever it was heard. 

And then I asked the question, if the Lord, who made 
the voice. 

Had only latitude enough to take the single choice 

Of that or nothin', when he made it, and though not 
the best, 

It was as good as He can do, with means which He 
possessed. 

Or did He leave it incomplete, with some divine intent, 

That what He failed to give it, we ourselves should 
supplement, 

And spend our time and money growin' valves with- 
in the throat. 

To make the music better, by a quiver in the note ? 

The only voice in Nature that a person ever meets, 
Which has a jerky motion, is the sheep or goat that 

bleats ; 
And no one calls that music, but the way which they 

express 



LADIES' ENTRANCE. 207 

Some sort of feelin' in them that is givin' them dis- 
tress. 
I s'pose I'll be unpopular for thinkin' as I do, 
But I can't help it if I am ; I couldn't be untrue, 
If all the world was standin' round, and coaxin' with 

their eye. 
Or tlappin' hands, orstampin' feet, applaudin' of a lie. 



LADIES' ENTRANCE. 

We find a lot of places, in a certain line of trade, 
Which show a vein of enterprise in signs they have 

displayed. 
The "fogy" style of business men who run a public 

store. 
Let all their customers go in and out a common door, 
And seem to never have a thought that some would 

like to buy 
A certain class of dainty things a little on the sly. 
And doubtless lose a lot of trade because they don't 

provide 
That timid customers be served a little to one side. 

It seems to us commendable, that caterers for trade 

Should make their place of business, where these pur- 
chases are made, 

As free from those embarassments which modest people 
feel. 

As possible, for buyin' what they wanted to conceal. 



208 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And it is not surprisin' that the ladies come to think 
That what is awful good for men is good for them to 

drink, 
And if the men who take their grog will drink behind 

a screen, 
Who blames a modest woman if she'd rather not be seen? 

But Nature don't discriminate, in anything like that, 
Along the line of sexes, in her " lettin' out the cat," 
But has a means of tellin', in a certain way that shows, 
The habits of the person in the face and on the nose. 
And so it doesn't count for much, this tryin' to be sly. 
For Nature isn't very long in tellin' what they buy. 
And though they may discard alike the bar-room and 

the jug. 
They haven't really learned the art of hidin' up their 

' ' mug. ' ' 

But 'tisn't worse for women, if they happen to be dry. 
To gratify their appetite, in what they choose to buy. 
And get a little "frisky" from their purchase, now 

and then, 
If they don't chance to gauge it right, than it would 

be for men. 
And men don't think it's anything to stagger on the 

street. 
And won't admit that they are drunk if they can keep 

their feet ; 
And where's the sense of makin' such distinctions in 

the sex. 
Because a woman drinks it, and receives the same ef- 
■ • fects ? ' 



ladies' entrance. 209 

We stand for sex equality, and with our humble pen 
Demand for women all the rights accredited to men ; 
They guzzle beer and whiskey with the keenest appe- 
tite, 
And hover round the bar-room with an evident de- 

As flies hang round a carrion, or anything that stinks, 
To hear the smutty stories, and be ready for the 

drinks ; 
And if there's pleasure in it, then it's meanness to deny 
The same delights to women, or compel them to be 

sly. 

If bar-rooms are a proper place for boys and men to 

throng. 
It's proper for them all to take their girls and wives 

along. 
And he's a scamp and puppy who will spend his 

money there. 
For pleasure which he won' t allow his girl or wife to 

share ; 
A hog, without the bristles, or a sneakin', selfish cur. 
Who loves his belly better, by a thousand fold, than 

her, 
And who can blame the women, if they follow them 

for spite ? 
But they are spoilin' half their joy, by drinkin' out of 

sight. 



14 



2IO UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

I'd be as independent, if I wore a petticoat, 

As those who wear the breeches, and who know 

enough to vote ; 
And if I wanted whiskey, I would go as straight as 

men 
To places where they sell it, and would drink it there 

and then. 
And if my beau or husband should object to see me 

there, 
I'd raise my glass and drink his health, and say I 

didn't care. 
I couldn't have the patience with their play in' fast 

and loose, 
I'd teach them that the gander's sauce was sauce for 

Mrs. Goose. 

You'd want to kill the brute who sat around his 

family board. 
And crammed himself with everything he liked, or 

could afford. 
While those whom he has sworn to love were left to 

go without. 
And get as lean as Pharaoh's kine, while he was 

growin' stout. 
But which is worse, to play the hog around his table 

there, 
Or buy and drink what he denies his loved ones, any- 
where ? 
Oh, woman, persecuted still, and cheated of your 

right, 
We cannot blame you much to drink, we'd blame you 

less to fiofht. 



CO-OPERATIVE. 311 



CO-OPERATIVE. 



Four hundred and sixty hard dollars brought in, 

At the simple request of our chief-of-police, 
As the citizen's share of the prostitute's sin, 

And placed to the credit of virtue and peace, 
To pay for the work of our shovel brigade, 

Or canceling other legitimate bills. 
Which, but for this money would have to be paid 

From citizens' pockets, and citizens' tills. 

How much of this money each person may claim, 

As his or her legal, proportionate share. 
Depends on the values assessed to their name. 

Which fixes the burden each person must bear ; 
But some of each dollar each prostitute pays 

Makes everyone's taxes, we're free to confess 
(Reducing the volume of money to raise. 

By what they contribute) just so much the less. 

The most of us claim to have something akin 

To manhood and virtue, and like to be thought 
Above such a "brood " whose detestable sin 

These four hundred dollars and over have brought. 
But the dividend from it, which comes every year, 

In spite of our innocent looks, will declare. 
What few of us wish, we presume, to appear. 

Just what is our each individual share. 



212 UNCLE AIvVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And SO, by analogy, if we had more 

Of these sort of " citizens " here to " assess," 
(Amounts to be raised to remain as before). 

For every such person our tax would be less. 
We leave it for some mathematical brain 

To give us the figures, provided they can, 
How much this "contributing" portion must gain, 

Before we shall reach self-support, from the plan. 

And how nice it would be ! oh, how nice it would be, 

To pay all expenses from profits we share 
With "business" like that, while all other went free 

From burdens which they are expected to bear. 
It may not be long, at the rate we've progressed, 

Before we shall reach such exemption from tax. 
Because our municipal burdens shall rest 

Where men's hands have placed them, on feminine 
backs. 

Of course, these "assessments" preserve our good 
name 

From any suspicion of whether or not 
There rests upon each of us part of their shame. 

And whether our morals are tainted with rot. 
The frequent and liberal fines which they pay 

Would take honest labor a long time to earn ; 
And if we had laws that could send them away. 

To serve Qut a sentence, they might not return, 



DOGS IN The mAnger. 213 

The newspapers, giving the name and the street 

Of each demi-monde, make them easy to find, 
And so, while they're giving their readers a treat, 

Gives news and a free advertisement combined. 
The system, for such it has gotten to be, 

Has in it what looks like a " devil's device," 
But the people will stand it as long as they see 

That the " privilege " pays them a liberal price. 



DOGS IN THE MANGER. 

Who hasn't heard the story of the crabbed cur that lay, 
To suit his own convenience, in a manger on the hay ; 
And when the weary, patient ox, returnin' from the 

field. 
Essayed to enter for his meal, his place refused to 

yield ? 
The hay was nothin' more to him than just a cozy 

nest, 
On which his worthless carcass might recline awhile 

to rest. 
But to the toil-worn ox it meant his wasted streno-th 

renewed. 
Had not the thoughtless, selfish cur deprived him of 

his food. 

A thousand other curs than he have manifested spite, 
To keep earth's weary toilers from their Heaven-pur- 
chased right, 



214 UNCL"E ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And been as much a "squatter" where they had no 
right to be, 

And held their place by virtue of their inhumanity. 

Some do it out of meanness, with the sense to com- 
prehend 

The sufferin' which they entail, but try not to defend ; 

While others are so stolid, we are driven to infer. 

They do it more from instinct than of fore thought, like 
the cur. 

We don't attempt to figiire to which class those men 

belong, 
Who give their ballots, year by year, to legalize a 

wrong. 
They must be either stolid, or be vicious through and 

through, 
To vote against humanity, as many of them do ; 
If they can't reason how effects must follow after cause, 
They may be irresponsible for havin' vicious laws. 
But if they have sagacity to see what they portend. 
No other word than "cussedness" their actions can 

defend. 

And yet these things in breeches can repeat, as if by 
note. 

That ' ' women will unsex themselves if they attempt 
to vote ; 

They can't maintain their purity if they shall ever 
mix 

With fathers, sons and husbands, in the nations poli- 
tics." 



t)OGS IN THE MANGER. 21$ 

But they can meekly suffer, and not have a word to 

say 
About the cruel burdens they must carry day by day, 
'Til joy is turned to madness, and 'til hope has found 

it's bier, 
But not — by all that's holy — must she ever interfere. 

But bless them, they are not un-sexed by givin' birth 

to boys. 
To fill up the depleted ranks where alcohol destroys ; 
" If they are loyal mothers," so the politicians prate, 
"They'll do a better service to the nation and the 

State, 
And make themselves more potent for the triumph of 

the right. 
By keepin' up their prayin' than by joinin' in the 

fight." 
" The hand that rocks the cradle," is the proverb that 

they quote, 
' ' Is mightier for conquest than the one that holds a 

vote. ' ' 

There might be such conditions, but are yet too far 
away 

To justify the pretty things which they are pleased to 
say; 

But women's sad experience for years and years gone 
by 

Has branded this assertion as a savage, cruel lie. 

These ' ' doggies in the manger, ' ' while they nest up- 
on the hay. 

Refuse to eat of it themselves, but keep the ox away ; 



2l6 UNCI.R ALVIN AT HOMK AND ABROAD. 

The curse of drink, these men who vote might outlaw 

if they zvould^ 
While those whom they keep disfranchised would do it 

if they could. 

We talk about the Ganges, where the heathen 
mothers throw 

The babes from off their bosoms to the crocodiles be- 
low ; 

And send out missionaries of the humble Christ to say 

To every heathen mother that there is a better way ; 

While christian motherhood at home must sit and 
weep beside 

Her husband or her sons debauched, and both her 
hands are tied ; 

The fathers do the throwin' of their little ones away, 

In christianized America, while mothers weep and 
pray. 

You call the fathers heartless for the awful work they 
do. 

And point to rows of victims, but it wouldn't quite be 

true. 
They, like the heathen mothers, in their heart of 

hearts deplore 
The sacrifice demanded by the God whom they adore ; 
But, like her in devotion, they will not withhold 

their best, 
If politics demands it, in the babes from off the breast ; 
And so, to save the party, let their sons and daughters 

sink. 
With somethin' like a fortitude, beneath the waves of 

drink. 



DOGS IN 'THE MANGER. 217 

The cur was not responsible for bein' born a cnr, 
Nor for defendin' "squatter rights" in things he 

might prefer ; 
The heathen mother's blindness is a thing to rather 

claim 
From christians and philanthropists their pity than 

their blame ; 
And so, perhaps, the fathers are within the party's 

That they are not responsible for bein' " on the hip." 
We wouldn't judge them harshly, but we hope there'll 

come a day 
When manhood will outgrow it's shell, and they shall 

get away. 

And if they dare not do the things for which the 

women pray, 
Perhaps they'll give their wives a chance by gettin' 

out their way ; 
And if they do, ah, if they do, it won't be very long, 
Before they'll hear the music of the grandest, sweetest 

song 
Which ever floated upward from the human heart and 

tongue. 
Since time began its cycles, and this hoary earth was 

young ; 
The song of man and womanhood delivered from the 

reign 
Of legalized damnation, for the traffic has been slain. 



2l8 UNCI,E ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 



THE "CELLAR DOOR" VARIETY. 

(The city police recently raided a sporting house, 
which the daily papers mentioned as the "Grimes 
Cellar Door," and the inmates were sent away to jail, 
while several other houses of the same sort, run in 
somewhat better quarters and style, were simply fined 
and allowed to continue "business.") 

It seems to make a difference what sort of craft they 

ride. 
Among the class of people who possess a little pride. 
A place may clearly be a " ranch " and glory in the 

name, 
And have the courts and city press a heraldin' their 

fame. 
And still not be considered as a thing to give offense, 
Which is at all revoltin' to our higher moral sense, 
If they are near the centre, and are run in decent style, 
And promptly pay the "levies " on them every little 

while. 

It doesn't seem to coimt for much that it's a slidin' 

scale. 
From innocence and virtue to the " cellar door " and 

jail ; 
And people even tell us that it's best to let them be. 
Because a certain number are a real necessity. 



THK "CKLLAR DOOR " VARIETY. 219 

And if they state it truly, then we haven't mnch to 

say, 
Because, of course, it's better for the boys to let them 

stay ; 
But don't let us be mean with those who happen to be 

poor. 
And can't afford a better craft than just a "Cellar 

Door." 

It wouldn't be surprisin' if they felt themselves op- 
pressed. 

When, by judicial action, they're a scape-goat for the 
rest ; 

For they know how their sisters, who can sail a better 
barge. 

Have often pleaded guilty to the prostitution charge ; 

And yet, because of reasons which it isn't wise to say, 

Were left to carry on their ' ' trade ' ' while they were 
sent away ; 

And they, no doubt, will wonder if the crime was any 
more, 

Because their place of business was an humble " Cel- 
lar Door. ' ' 

And we confess we wonder if it's true, as sometimes 

said. 
That virtue in a man must mean his bein' old or dead ? 
And then, again, we wonder what a high and regal 

place, 
A fellow's manhood will assume before a lady's face. 
If it is true, as some assert, that dens of infamy 



220 UNCLI5 AI.VIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Ill any city under Heaven are a necessity ? 
We wonder, too, if fellows who resort to such a place, 
Would like to have their wives and sisters share in 
their disgrace ? 

We wonder if the persons whom the citizens elect 

To guard the city's morals do about as they expect, 

And when these "ranches" are assessed instead of 
bein' tried. 

And punished, if found guilty, whether they are sat- 
isfied ? 

We think, however, that their hands are on the public 
pulse. 

And when it's throbbin' strong enough, will show it 
in results. 

But then we face the question, ' ' Who is ready to 
make war. 

And smirch their name and fingers with a system they 
abhor?" 

And if the disposition of the "Grimes' Cellar Door " 
Shall prove a faithful prophecy of justice yet in store 
For others of the same bad ilk, a justice long delayed, 
We think we're justified to hope we're on the upward 

grade. 
And yet we hardly dare rejoice to any sort of tune, 
Lest our congratulations prove a little bit too soon ; 
But wait to see if prostitutes with carpets on their 

floor, 
Shall join the same procession with the homely " Cel- 
lar Door." 



IF I WERE YOU. 221 



IF I WERE YOU. 

If I were 5^ou, with what I know 
Of Jesus' power to cleanse from sin, 

I would not keep him waiting so, 
But quickly rise and let Him in. 

And make Him room. 

If I were you, I would not dare 

To treat the Lord of Glory so. 
While living only by His care. 

As though He were a common foe. 
And nothing more. 

As though the offers of His grace 

Made so repeatedly to you, 
Might be flung backward in His face. 

From year to year, your whole life through, 
And not harm you. 

If I were you, I think I'd say. 
And be so thankful that I could, 

' ' Yes, Lord ; come in my heart to stay, 
And make me what Thou seest good. 
And right away. " 



222 UNCLE AI.VIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

If I were you, and had not known 

The peace His blessed presence brings, 

I'd make His offered help my own, 

And rest beneath His sheltering wings. 
And there remain. 

I'd test His willingness to save 

A man in middle life like me, 
And not continue Satan's slave. 

If Jesus Christ would make me free, 
If I were you. 

If I were you, I would not spurn 

The only ransom for my soul, 
Nor would I long delay to turn 

To Him whose touch could make me whole, 
And keep me clean. 

I would not wish to see how far 
The way of death I might pursue. 

Because of what His mercies are. 
In sparing me what was my due. 
If I were you. 

But with the years which hurry by. 

So many gone, so few to come, 
I'd think it worth my while to try 

And make secure a heavenly home. 
If I were you. 



OLD JACK ON A SPREE. 223 

For, cling to this life as we may, 

And having eyes, refuse to see, 
The wheels of time will not delay 

To whirl us on to destiny. 

Both you and me. 

If I were you, I would not wait 

Till all my life's best years were past. 

For though not, possibly, too late, 

'Twould make the noblest work the last 
And incomplete. 

And since the Lord had died for me. 

Simply because He loved me so. 
To make His great salvation free, 

I'd take the gift He would bestow, 
And be so glad. 



OLD JACK ON A SPREE. 

The creak in the snow, and the sting in the air. 

And the shivers that roam, like a spirit set free, 
Would indicate "Jacky" has thrown off his care, 

And gone by himself on a real "jamboree." 
And not, as his wont, for a night and a day. 

With a bee in his hat, and some frost in his hair ; 
But this time he seems to have broken away 

For something that looks like a regular " tear." 



224 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD, 

And my, what a rampage it turns out to be, 

Continuing on while the weeks run together. 
With blizzards and storms that are frightful to see. 

While the changes are more of the same kind of 
weather ; 
The mercury (bless it) is not all to blame 

For falsehoods it's telling to every beholder ; 
For if it had room to go down, 'twould proclaim, 

Almost anywhere, it was some degrees colder. 

His heart, if he has one, appears to be stone. 

Untouched by the want and the woe he is flinging ; 
Or his ears must be deaf to the piteous moan 

Of the helpless whom he is so cruelly stinging. 
But what made him wild ? and how long will it last ? 

Are things which his subjects are anxious to know ; 
And will he be ever the Jack of the past, 

And tread his old ways after spreeing it so ? 

The secret, w^e think, of Jack's losing his head, 

Was coming so soon into such an estate. 
Where empire would seem to be unlimited, 

And power to rule correspondingly great ; 
And passion for conquest so kindled his zeal, 

To hold in his thraldom whatever he met. 
His pleasure, and not what his subjects might feel, 

Has seemed to possess him, and make him forget. 



IN MEMORIAM. 225 

So much like a mortal, as doubtless he is, 

A little brief power is soon tyranny ; 
He thinks not and cares not how many may freeze, 

If he but himself may enjoy liberty. 
But truants or tyrants alike find their way 

Hedg-ed somewhere before them with stronger de- 
fences. 
And so we are hoping that some sunny day. 

Old Sol will bring Jack to his sober senses. 

And when he reflects, will his memories sting. 

For pains which he shot from his merciless quiver. 
Which pierced like an arrow, and severed the string 

Of many a life-cord forever and ever ? 
Or will he believe, that for all the distress 

His fingers have scattered, the rest he has given 
The bosom of Nature will more widely bless 

The millions who suffered, and thus make it even ? 



IN MEMORIAM, ]\[RS. DR. BUI.LOCK. 

From such a life of ceaseless, patient pain. 
Too thoughtful and too gentle to complain, 

To such relief of sudden, perfect rest. 
Is such transition that to those alone. 
Who pass, like her, through both, can it be known. 

And needs immortal powers to be expressed. 

15 



226 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And when the gracious Father takes His child, 
It is not heartless to be reconciled, 

And say, in spirit, " I^ord, Thy will be done ; " 
Her years of suffering may well suffice 
To win consent of strongest human ties, 

That weary feet, like her's, should cease to run. 

And yet the Father sees it not amiss 

That tears should come at such a time as this, 

To minister the magic of their balm ; 
While even through their mists they may behold, 
Through gates ajar, within the Shepherd's fold. 

Enough to turn our sorrow to a psalm. 

No more the throbbing pulse of pain shall beat. 
Through years of intermittent cold and heat. 

No more her patient spirit needs to long 
For loosened pinions that are plumed for flight 
Beyond the boundaries of human sight. 

Nor sigh to join in love's immortal song. 

The largest liberty is her's at last. 

With earth's contingencies and perils past. 

And all of immortality ahead ; 
Then wherefore should we make our plaintive moan. 
Though, for a time, we tread the way alone. 

And wherefore think or speak of her as dead ? 



THREE MINUTES LATE. 227 

Ah, no ! not dead, but more alive than we, 
Who still are cumbered with mortality. 

And to be envied rather than deplored ; 
From earthly limitations disenthralled. 
By what we mis-call death, she hath been called 

To be forever and forever with the Lord. 



THREE MINUTES LATE. 

We hurried through our breakfast, and we skipped 

our morning prayer. 
Because the old clock told us that we had no time to 

spare ; 
Our guests must reach the station, for the early 

morning train, 
Or else be disappointed, and our haste would be in 

vain. 
We gathered up their parcels while they kissed a fond 

adieu 
To those whom they were bound to by a friendship 

old and true, 
And started for the depot at a most ungraceful gait, 
To find, when we had reached it, we were just three 

minutes late. 



228 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

We felt chagrined a little, and our guests a good deal 
more, 

But it had never happened in our history before ; 

The cause of it was plain enough, the clock, which 
all along 

Had measured off the time so well, this once had done 
it wrong. 

And we had been misguided, just a little by it's tick, 

Without the least suspicion that 'twas playing us a 
trick ; 

It's silent hands had pointed wrong upon the dial- 
plate, 

And it's unspoken falsehood made us just three 
minutes late. 



How often does it happen that some unsuspecting feet 

Walk up to disappointments which they're unpre- 
pared to meet, 

And fail to reach the objects which their hopes have 
had in view 

Because the guides they've followed haven't been ex- 
actly true ? 

And how it often happens that they have to bear the 
pain 

And weariness of waiting, if they do- not wait in vain, 

At some of life's way-stations, and have many hours 
to wait. 

For other opportunities by getting there too late. 



The way out. 2^9 

It makes a bit of difference, as many persons know, 
Alas, by their misfortunes, in what paths their feet 

shall go ; 
And then it makes a difference with destinies of men. 
Not only where they start to go, but quite a difference 

when. 
The saddest disappointments, and must give the 

keenest pain. 
Will be to reach life's junction for the last out-going 

train. 
And find, instead, a notice that they must forever 

wait, 
Because they reached the station just a little while 

too late. 



THE WAY OUT. 

Brother, what if forces pxess you, 

Which are out of your control. 
Till they grievously distress you. 

As they surge against your soul ? 
Has the purpose which has planned it 

Hedged you in with pain and doubt, 
Only to forever stand it, 

Leaving for you no way out ? 

Must the strivings be extended. 
And the conflict waged in vain. 

Till the earth-life shall be ended. 
With no victory to gain ? 



230 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Must the ceaseless round of sighing 

Not be broken by a shout, 
And deliverance, by dying, 

Be, for you, the one way out ? 

Tell me, which way are you turning 

Inward thought and outward gaze ; 
With or without clear discerning 

Of the world's divergent ways ? 
Sweeping only with your vision. 

Things suggesting only doubt, 
Noting not, with what precision 

Upward ways will lead you out ? 

lyooking downward, vision reaches 

Ivittle farther than your feet. 
While the narrowness it teaches 

Turns things bitter, meant for sweet, 
lyooking up, at once discloses 

Visions which dissolve your doubt, 
And a way which interposes 

Nothing to your soul's way out. 

Ah, this world is wider, brother, 

Than the lines which compass you. 
And in helping one another 

Is distilled life's honey-dew. 
Looking upward is ascending, 

With a bounding step and shout ; 
All earth's bright and dark things blending. 

To provide a sure way out. 



SHALL WOMKN VOTE? 2^1 

What if skies above you lower ? 

What if pulses throb with pain ? 
What if all Satanic power 

Vex you o'er and o'er again ? 
Is not Heaven still above you, 

Throwing faith-lines all about, 
With the God-man there to love you. 

And assure a safe way out ? 

Souls were never made to cower 

In the conflicts which arise. 
But, with cumulative power. 

Made for winning victories. 
Have you often been defeated ? 

Then, my brother, face about ; 
lyest your failures be repeated, . 

God and Heaven are your way out. 



SHALIv WOMEN VOTE? 

Things are not as they used to be 

Away back in the distance, 
Before a thousand things we see 

Had ever an existence ; 
For woman seemed a cipher then, 

And man the only figure. 
And even when allied with men. 

They simply made men bigger. 



232 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

But Time seems giving her a " boom " 

Of quite another spirit, 
For every place is making room, 

According to her merit. 
Abreast with men, in every race. 

Though often a beginner, 
She runs with dignity and grace. 

And scores the mark, a winner. 

She demonstrates that she has brains 

For every requisition 
Of home or State, to hold the reins 

In high or low position. 
But we, the men who make the laws 

(Simply because we love her), 
Enact them with a little clause, 

Which holds ourselves above her. 

It takes such mighty grasp of mind 

To see one's obligation. 
Where interests are so combined, 

As in a State or nation ; 
That only those of stronger mould 

Can hope to measure to them ; 
Or seeing them can be so bold 

As fearlessly to do them. 

So here we wisely draw the line 

(And frequently by quoting 
Some scripture, giving right divine 

For man to do the voting). 



THAT REVENGE. 233 

Man may be ' ' verdant ' ' as can be, 

And thus onr logic teaches 
That his superiority 

Is less in brain than breeches. 

CHORUS. 

She has the art to win the heart 

Of clowns, as well as sages. 
Knows how to rule a king or fool. 

Has done it through the ages ; 
And yet, alas, it comes to pass, 

No matter what her merit, 
That clowns and fools of all the schools. 

Her rio-hts can disinherit. 



THAT REVENUE. 

(It appears from the reports of the Commissioner of 
Internal Revenue of the United States, for the fiscal 
year ending June 30th, 1887, that the receipts from 
fermented liquors were $21,022,187, an increase over 
the previous year of $2,245,446. United States In- 
ternal Revenue tax was paid upon 23,121,526 barrels 
of fermented liquors, an increase for the year of 2,410, - 
583 barrels. — (International Royal Templar, Sept., 

1887.) 

Twenty-one millions of dollars a year. 

On twenty-three millions of barrels of beer ! 



234 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And here he has stopped, but why doesn't he tell 

Of lives it has wrecked, and of souls sent to hell, 

Of wives it has widowed, and hearts that have bled, 

Of prospects now blighted, and hopes that are dead, 

Of virtue polluted, of murder unhung, 

Of schemes to decoy and to ruin the young? 

Ah! why don't he tell of the blight and the shame 

Which clings to the innocent bearing the name 

Of some of these victims of some of this beer, 

That's swelling the treasury year after year ? 

He tells of this ' ' industry, ' ' speaks of its gain. 

But says not a word of the sorrow and pain 

Which come as a fruitage, as certain as fate, 

And spares not the lowly, the gifted or great. 

And how they applaud it, this wise statesmanship, 

Which wrings out the millions from rum's soulless 

grip ; 
And tell us that taxing will regulate sin. 
And drive out the wrong while the money flows in. 
Yet here is the record, " two millions a year 
Of increase in numbers of barrels of beer." 
But nothing is hinted, no single word said, 
How many more victims of drinking are dead. 
How many more widows and orphans are made 
For this two million dollars of revenue paid ? 
Oh, shame on the manhood which sells for a price 
Indulgence for wrong and a license for vice. 
Which pockets the money and closes its eyes 
On all this dark picture, and hears not the cries 
Of wailing humanity rising to God 



"yk are the branches." 235 

That He will deliver in peace, or with rod ! 
But how many dollars will pay for the woe 
Which out of these millions of beer barrels flow ? 
How long will it take, at this rate of increase, 
'Til taxing and license shall cause it to cease ? 
How many more victims of drink must be slain ? 
How many more hearts must be throbbing with pain ? 
How many more orphans and paupers be made, 
Before we shall see what a price we have paid ' 
For revenue gathered in year after year, 
From millions on millions of barrels of beer ? 



'<YE ARE THE BRANCHES." 

A branch, indeed, and He the vine ! 
What hinders, then, the life divine 

Thrilling and throbbing through my heart, 
'Til every fiber feels the beat. 
And tingles with the strength and heat 

Which such a current can impart ? 

Am I a branch, and He the vine ? 
Why, then, in weakness need I pine. 

As though my strength had no supply ? 
Why fruitless hang from year to year, 
The shoots and tendrils which appear, 

Bearinof but leaves to fade and die ? 



236 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

A branch of that Eternal vine ! 
How can my trusting heart repine, 

However smitten by the blast ? 
For though awhile bowed down with pain, 
His strength shall lift me up again, 

Brighter than though they had not passed. 

A branch, and He the living vine ! 
What mighty privilege is mine 

To catch the throbbings of His heart. 
And feel the precious currents flow. 
As through each little twig they go, 

Giving His life to every party. 

A living branch, and Christ the vine ! 
How perfectly the two combine ; 

Yet all the fruitage which appears, 
He does not even ask to share. 
But lets his feeble branches bear. 

To glorify their fleeting years. 

Oh, feeble branch, with such a vine. 
Was ever privilege like thine ? 

Well may your bounding pulses thrill, 
That by the grafter's magic art 
You feel the throbbings of His heart, 

And see the purpose of His will. 



SHOVEL OUT. 237 

Henceforth let only gladness shine 
From every branch of this great vine, 

In pendant clusters from each stem ; 
And when, at length, the golden year 
Of God's great harvest shall appear. 

Each cluster shall become a gem. 



SHOVEL OUT. 

The blizzard had its lessons, which were borne upon 

the wind, 
And dropped at many a door-step in the thought it 

left behind. 
It reigned a very monarch, with an undisputed sway. 
And chained the wheels of commerce for a nation in a 

day; 
It made its crystal messengers a conquering brigade, 
To force its proclamation for a general blockade. 
And brought to every homestead with a morning song 

and shout. 
The truth that they were captives, if they didn't 

shovel out. 

It's just an illustration of another sort of " blow," 
Which hedges many lives about with something else 

than snow, 
And turns a pleasant prospect, which is everything 

that's fair. 
Into a sudden tempest with obstructions everywhere ; 



238 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And makes of their to-morrow, what might seem like 
prison walls, 

Heaped high with disappointments where the mass of 
driftage falls ; 

But rarely, like the blizzard, is there heard the warn- 
ing shout. 

That those within are captives, if they do not shovel 
out. 

And yet the fact is patent, there's a power in the spell 
Of sudden great reverses that may prove a captive's 

cell; 
A sort of soul concussion seems to paralyze the brain. 
And bind the will with fetters, and to kill out hope 

with pain, 
And look out on the driftage in an aimless sort of way, 
Heaped high about the door-sill from the hopes of yes- 
terday ; 
While ears are dull and listless to the voice of any 

shout, 
That there may be deliverance if they will shovel out. 

But, brother, if a blizzard has swept over all your 
plains. 

And piled the driftage higher than your upper window- 
panes, 

A tiling lifted from the roof will bring the welcome 
sight. 

That everywhere, outside of you, the world is full of 
light. 



OLD JACK, THE ARTIST. 239 

And you can, with your shovel, and a purpose brave 

and stout. 
With sturdy and persistent work, soon tunnel your 

way out ; 
But if you wait the action of time's equalizing law. 
You'll have a lonely waiting, and may die before a 

thaw. 



OLD JACK, THE ARTIST. 

There are divers inspirations, each of which have 

given birth 
To marvelous achievements by the toilers of the earth. 
Some, born to please the fancy, have their mission in 

display, 
And some are harnessed stoutly to the work of every 

day. 
But there's a subtle something in the breezes of the 

North 
That proves an inspiration for old Jack to sally forth. 
And with his brush and pencil, paint the fancies of 

his brain 
In most exquisite tapestries on every window-pane. 

Just how he guides his pencil in the shadows of the 

night, 
To form the perfect outlines, and the perfect shade 

and light. 



240 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And how lie does the grouping of the flowers, ferns 
and trees, 

And makes them blend so perfectly, with such ap- 
parent ease, 

And all in such profusion, is away beyond the ken 

Of all the etching masters of the scribbling sons of 
men ; 

And yet this careless fellow gives his brush the freest 
reins. 

And scatters bsauty everywhere without apparent 
pains. 

Sometimes he coyly takes his brush in broad daylight 

and tries 
His skill upon the window-panes before our staring 

eyes, 
And does it so adroitly that we rack our clumsy heads 
In wonder where or how he gets the fleecy paint he 

spreads, 
And how he carries models, as he must, within his 

brains. 
For all the wondrous etchings on the countless win- 
dow-panes, 
And why he never sketches either mountains, plains 

or seas, 
Or forms of living creatures with his flowers, plants 

and trees. 



OLD JACK, THE ARTIST. 241 

And he's an out-door artist ; when the weather suits 

his mood 
He leaves his window-sketching and betakes him to 

the wood, 
And in the same profusion every bough and twiglet 

drapes 
With curious festooning in the most delightful shapes. 
He mingles pearls and diamonds with his white 

wreaths everywhere. 
And has the skill to make them from the elements of 

air ; 
And he's as swift as skillful, for it takes him but a 

night 
To drape the woodlands everywhere in robes of spark- 
ling white. 

And not a single picture hangs in all his gallery, 
To bring a blush to innocence for any eyes to see ; 
He copies nature truly, yet with nothing woven in 
To be a sly suggestion that he ever thought of sin. 
We see in all his pictures such a mirror of his heart. 
As one in love with nature and a master of his art. 
And stand in awe before them, as we hear the silent 

speech 
Of what is pure and beautiful that whispers out from 

each. 



16 



242 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 



A KNOTTY QUESTION. 

Five drunks, the daily papers say, 
In the Recorder's court to-day. 

And each adjusted by a fine ; 
Ten dollars each were paid by three. 
Two paid the regulation fee, 

And all to help your tax and mine. 

But who'll be kind enough to tell 
How law, which makes it right to sell. 

Can also make it wrong to buy ? 
Or if to buy is not a sin, 
Can anyone explain wherein 

It's wrong to drink, if one is dry ? 

If right to sell and right to buy, 
These rights must certainly imply 

The right to drink what they had bought ; 
And where law makes the crime appear 
Is not to this deponent clear. 

Unless it lies in being caught. 

Another point confronts us here : 
Some legal mind can make appear, 

Perhaps, to those of obtuse brain, 
How taking, legally, the bread 
From hungry mouths which must be fed 

By public tax, can be a gain. 



IS IT FAIR? 243 

And some of us would like to know 
What fruit must come of what we sow, 

In this reform at which we play, 
If those of tender years shall see 
This farce of inconsistency 

Enacted over year by year. 

What wholesome lessons will they draw. 
Teaching the sanctity of law. 

Where sense and conscience both rebel ; 
And what foundation for a state 
Will such convictions educate 

In hearts such statutes must repel ? 



IvS IT FAIR? 

(The reason why the guests were not arrested, who 
were found at the houses of prostitution, when they 
were raided by the police recently, was because there 
is no law for their arrest. — Morning Times.) 

Was ever his Satanic Majesty known. 

By cunning devices and cheats all his own. 

To lure the unwary in pathways of sin. 

And when they're in trouble, to stand back and grin? 

Are virtue and chastity led to their fall 
Without man's intrigue, or designing at all. 
That victims of lust, which men's passions create. 
When ruin is wrought, should be left to their fate ? 



244 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

While those at whose instance their feet went astray, 
Be they morally rotten and vile as they may, 
Can hold up their heads and continue "scott free," 
While she bears the burden of their infamy ? 

How like the " Deceiver " for those who are stronsf 
To lure on the weaker in ways that are wrong, 
And when retribution would make them atone. 
Slinks out, for the weaker to bear it alone. 

What shame for the sex that makes laws for the two, 
Yet leaves, for their own, such a loop to crawl through ; 
The first to transgress, yet when crime has been done. 
Law says, of the two, that their' s only may run. 

Oh, chivalry ! born for defense of the weak, 
Hast thou grown degenerate, so thou canst seek, 
With spirit so craven that devils might blush 
To own thee as kindred, the weaker to crush ? 

If laws are not righteous, still let them be fair. 
And make the transgressors their own burdens bear. 
And not make the strong a contemptible sneak, 
By throwing the guilt of his crimes on the weak. 



HOW IT PAYS. 245 



HOW IT PAYS. 

The hands on the dial of Time yesterday 
Were pointing again at the fair face of May, 

To welcome her back to her place in the year ; 
While she, the coy maiden, to cover her face, 
Unfastened her delicate curtains of lace. 

That we might not witness her smile or her tear. 

For what should she see on the first day she came. 
But scenes which should mantle her fair cheeks with 
shame. 

And send the hot tears of regret to her eyes ; 
For, glancing in many a court-room, she saw 
How manhood is ruined according to law. 

And then how the law measures out penalties. 

Our city, it seemed, had its record maintained 
In the number of " drunks " which it's court had ar- 
raigned 

To answer its charges, and ask how they plead ; 
When three answered "guilty " with nothing to pay. 
And "justice " decided to send them away 

To languish in jail for the county to feed. 

Five months is the aggregate term of the three. 
Which justice and law gives these culprits board free, 
With nothing to do but to eat and to sleep ; 



246 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Beside the expense, to the county, in fare. 
And fees to the officers taking them there, 

And running the house which the sheriff must keep. 

Then, added to this, are the officers here, 
Police and Recorder six hundred a year, 

To watch for these culprits, and send them away ; 
Extorting, perchance, if by some sort of squeeze, 
A part of the culprits can muster the fees, 

The statutes prescribe such offenders shall pay. 

The dollar or so which the poor wretches spent 
To get up the drunk over which they were sent. 

Lies calmly at rest in the dram seller's till. 
While we, who pay taxes, must pocket our shame. 
And bravely accept our defeat in this game, 

Kndi play we are happy to settle the bill. 



IT IS BETTER. 

Better to dwell in a mansion fair. 

Under the light of the blazing throne. 

Than wandering homeless here and there 
With nothing but life to call her own. 

Better to join the ransomed throng, 
Sale in the Shepherd's upper fold. 

Than carry the burdens borne so long. 
Till flesh was feeble and bent and old. 



IT IS BETTER. 247 

Better to enter the pearly gate 

Swinging ajar for such as she, 
Than longer to struggle, and suffer, and wait, 

Hoping and sighing for liberty. 

Better to travel the golden street 

Of the King's highway, with her youth renewed. 
Than carry the load, on her weary feet. 

Of a heartless child's ingratitude. 

Better to know, as she knows at last. 

What are the joys and rest in store, 
Now that the trials of earth are past. 

Waiting her spirit forevermore. 

Better the bliss of an answered prayer. 

Better the light of eternal day. 
Than bearing the burdens of earthly care, 

And wearing the fetters of mortal clay. 

Better to sing in the Heavenly choir. 

Better to know as she is known, 
Better the gift of her soul's desire. 

Waiting before the eternal throne. 



248 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 



PERHAPS. 

(Respectfully commended to the attention of all 
railroad and street car officials.) 

Perhaps 'twas all a blunder for the L<ord of Hosts to 
say 

That men of every nation should observe the Sabbath 
day. 

Perhaps He was mistaken in regard to human need, 

Not knowing all about it, when this statute was de- 
creed, 

Or culture may have so refined the present race of men, 

That they don't need the discipline which people 
needed then ; 

And yet the same old statute stands, and in the same 
old way, 

Requires of every person that they keep the Sabbath 
day. 

Perhaps it may be well for men to trample under feet 
A statute whose enactments they consider obsolete, 
And in their work or pleasure do exactly as they 

please. 
Instead of being hampered by a lot of old decrees ; 
And yet no intimation has been given, anyhow. 
That those old obligations are notjust as binding now. 
As when, amid the thunders of the mountain, every 

word 
Was graven on the tablets by the fingers of the I^ord. 



PKRHAPS. 249 

Perhaps the railroad companies may make God's holy 

day 
Contribute to their income in a strictly business way, 
By planning their excursions, and by running extra 

trains. 
Without a single pretext but the increase of their 

gains, 
And flaunt out their defiance to His solemn code of 

laws. 
By using what He sanctified, for such a selfish cause ; 
And still expect His blessing on their business day by 

day, 
Because, perhaps, some members of their corporations 

pray. 

Perhaps it may be well for them to hire a band to play. 
To help degrade the Sabbath to a common holiday. 
And lure the people somewhere for a sort of aimless 

stroll. 
Instead of, as He meant it, for the helping of the soul, 
And prostitute an ordinance He meant for human 

need. 
To minister to pleasure, and the lust of human greed : 
And like enough these companies may finally outwit 
And break down all the statutes of the lyord, before 

they quit. 

Perhaps the obligation of the people to obey 
The code received on Sinai have long since passed 
away, 



250 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And men are independent of Jehovah's discipline, 
As well as independent of the penalties of sin, 
And ask no odds of mercy, but are altogether free 
To follow inclination, whatsoever that may be ; 
And reading their advertisements would lead one to 

infer 
That railroad corporations have concluded that they 

were. 



SUPPOSE. 



An occasion that will doubtless be memorable in 
this city will be the appearance of the most able 
American orator now living, Col. Robert G. Inger- 
soll, who lectures at the Shattuck Opera House, Sat- 
urday evening, May 5, on " What Must We do to Be 
Saved?" Col. Ingersoll's increasing years and his 
devotion to his home life and his law business make it 
unlikely that he will ever again visit this city after 
this lecture. 

The Colonel in this lecture disputes the inspiration 
of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, as in his lecture 
entitled " Some Mistakes of Moses " he disputed that 
of the author or authors of the Pentateuch. He also 
proposes a system of practical benevolence which he 
holds to be more beneficial to man than any presented 
in the four gospels. His lecture, while antagonistic 
to the belief in faith and revelation, sets forth the su- 
preme nature and beauty of goodness and kindness. 
The Colonel advocates free thought, " with malice to- 
ward none and charity for all." 



SUPPOSE. 251 

Suppose the Colonel could make plain 
That christian faith is all in vain, 

And souls are never saved by grace ; 
What other formula or creed, 
Which meets the world's acknowledged need. 

Has he to offer in their place ? 

The gospel scheme has stood the test. 
Filling the souls of men with rest, 

And its adherent lived and died, 
Through all the ages of the past, 
Triumphant, even to the last, 

Having a faith which satisfied . 

Suppose the Colonel could destroy 
The christian faith and hope and joy 

From human lives by what he said ; 
Would there be less of fear and pain 
Because their faith in God was slain, 

Without some better thing instead ? 

The Colonel is no friend to man 
Till he can formulate a plan 

Better than that which he attacks. 
Giving a brighter, surer hope ; 
Lifting the human spirit up 

With 'certainty the other lacks. 



252 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Matthew and Mark will still be read 
After the Colonel shall be dead, 

And Luke and John maintain their place, 
Pointing the hopes of men above, 
And telling of the matchless love 

Which brought salvation to our race. 



SING ! SING ! SING ! 

Sing of the boundlessness of grace 
Which gladly took the sinner's place, 
And died to save a guilty race. 

Sing ! Sing ! Sing ! 

Sing of the love which stooped so low, 

To rescue from eternal woe, 

His enemies that spurned Him so. 

Sing ! Sing ! Sing ! 

Sing of the Christ, who loved so well 
The souls of men, deserving hell ; 
He lifted them from whence they fell. 

Sing ! Sing ! Sing ! 

Sing of the King who ever lives, 
Sing of the grace He freely gives 
To every soul who truly strives. 

Sing ! Sing ! Sing ! 



SING ! SING ! SING ! 253 

Sing as you climb the Heavenly way, 
Sing all your cankering cares away, 
Sing of His love from day to day. 

Sing ! Sing ! Sing ! 

Sing of the triumphs which you meet, 
Sing as you see your foes retreat. 
Sing, with the world beneath your feet. 
Sing ! Sing ! Sing ! 

Sing, though the whole round world go wrong. 
Sing, though your foes be swift and strong, 
Sing, with the Christ-love for your song. 
Sing ! Sing ! Sing ! 

Sing 'til the earth shall fade from sight, 
Sing with the chorus robed in white. 
Forever sing your soul's delight. 

Sing ! Sing ! Sing ! 



254 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 



CENTENNIAL ANNIVERSARY OF THE SET- 
TLEMENT OF THE CANISTEO VALLEY, 

SEPT. 23, 1890. 

(This poem was written by request of the program 
committee, but owing to the length of program was 
omitted.) 

We press our inquisitive eyes to the screen, 

To see, if we may, what there is to be seen 

A century backward, where lips are so still ; 

They give us no answer, inquire as we will ; 

And records of what there was here on the scene. 

With the tramp of a century rolling between, 

Are so incomplete, though we haply have some 

That much of it still is the speech of the dumb. 

Yet we see in our thought how this valley appeared 

Before there was yet a square foot of it cleared, 

Or ever the white man its surface had trod, 

But just as it came from the fingers of God. 

A forest unbroken, except by the stream. 

Which winds, like the thread in some doll-baby's seam, 

With scarce a design or conception of grace, 

But crooked and zig-zag as fancy could trace ; 

And into the shadows of this solitude, 

The glimpses of sunshine could rarely intrude ; 

And when they succeeded would send in a beam. 

Which glimmered and rippled like waves in a stream, 

While under the shadows of hazel and pine. 

Were mosses, and moosewood, and berry, and vine, 



CENTENNIAL ANNIVERSARY. 



255 



And sometimes a literal tangle of fern, 
And shadows where ' ' fox-fire ' ' would constantly burn ; 
And where, at their pleasure, the pheasant and grouse 
Would drum on their log, or contentedly browse ; 
Where the cry of the panther or bound of the deer 
Were nightly resounding in dame Nature's ear ; 
And the howling of wolves, and the grunt of the bear 
Were common as nightfall, and heard everywhere ; 
And the snakes with their hissing, or rattling tail. 
Had only each other to fear or assail ; 
And the marshes which spread out their water and bog 
Were vocal at mid-day with croaking of frog. 
No great stretch of fancy is needed to-day, 
To see in the distance which stretches away, 
The crouching of wild beasts on branches that leaned 
Just over this place where we now are convened, 
And stealthily watching the steps of his prey. 
Which, heedless of danger, is wending this way, 
Till he suddenly leaps from his perch, and has lit 
On the back of a deer, just where some of you sit. 
And the blood of his victim has reddened the dirt, 
Which just now is covered by some lady's skirt. 
The "deer-lick " which hunters remember, was near, 
And drew other wild beasts, as well as the deer. 
And the moccasined feet of the savage could tread 
As noiseless as panthers that crouched overhead ; 
And one of them crept from his cover near by, 
And silently vowed that this panther should die. 
And scarce had the blood of his victim been shed. 



256 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

When the hunter's bow twanged, and the creature lay 
dead, 

And a wild whoop of triumph went rolling away. 

That his arrow had bagged both the beast and his prey. 

We know not the place where the wigwam has stood. 

Or the trail of their feet, as they wound through the 
wood ; 

The sight of their villages shows not a trace, 

Which white men can recognize, marking the place, 

Where their corn dance and war dance have often oc- 
curred. 

And the savage's bugle, the war whoop, was heard. 

But we know that the red men had villages here, 

At least during favorite seasons of year. 

That they fished in these waters, and traversed these 
hills, 

And slept in these valleys, and drank from these rills ; 

But we know not the place where their dead have been 
laid, 

Nor the tribute which savage affection has paid. 

A century backward, the white man appeared. 

And straightway the forests began to be cleared ; 

The axe of the woodman swung on day by day. 

And little by little it wasted away ; 

The openings widened on valley and hill, 

As the kings of the forest bowed down to their will ; 

And so with the tramp of the years, it retires 

Licked up by the tongue of a century's fires. 

The wild beast and savage long since disappeared. 

And homes have been built on the broad acres cleared ; 



CENTENNIAL ANNIVERSARY. 257 

And cities and hamlets are spreading today 

In place of the wilderness now passed away ; 

And little, it seems, is there now left behind 

To vividly call up the past to the mind, 

And educate new generations to see, 

What fathers bequeathed to their posterity. 

Their courage and patience and hardy good sense, 

Which toiled for the future with small recompense ; 

Their sturdy endurance, which still persevered. 

Through forests like these till their homesteads were 

cleared ; 
With breeches of buckskin, and shoes of the same. 
They toiled, like the heroes they were, without shame; 
While the wives in the cabin, with distaff and flax. 
Had spun for the shirts which they wore on their 

backs. 
They were proud, but 'twas not of clothes which they 

wore. 
But proud of the fruit which their industry bore, 
And well would it be if we still emulate 
This virtue of those whom we commemorate. 
We look where we will and see monuments left. 
Hewn out by the blows which these woodmen have 

cleft. 
More lasting than marble or granite upreared, 
In the beautiful fields which their industry cleared. 
We come not to honor these heros today, 
But rather a tribute of homage to pay ; 
Their rugged achievements are chaplets more grand 
Than e'er can be woven by their children's hand ; 
We shall honor them most if we follow the trend 

17 



258 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Of their simple lives, and their virtues extend. 
The change of a century, what would the men. 
Who wended their way into these forests then. 
Say now, could they glance with one sweep of their 

eyes 
On the wonderful fruitage of their enterprise ? 
One link there seems left of this century-chain, 
Not pleasant to think of, their serpents remain. 
Yet even these snakes are a different brood 
Than swam in these waters, or crawled through the 

wood, 
Whose dens were the rocks, or some sheltering roots, 
For these have their haunts in the dram drinker's boots. 
Some work yet remains for the loyal and true. 
Which our fathers have left, knowing not what to do ; 
And the thinkers and workers of this present age 
Need the courage and wisdom of saint and of sage, 
That the legacy left us, the pride of to-day, 
Be not, by our foolishness, bartered away. 
Perhaps some are musing of what they might see. 
Could they witness the close of the next century ; 
But we venture a guess that a century on, 
The progress will not be by muscle and brawn. 
Like much of the past, but will largely be brought 
By the culture of heart and the triumph of thought ; 
And the steps of our progress henceforward shall move 
In the higher and nobler arena of love, 
And that muck that we see now, and see to deplore, 
Shall then be a trouble and menace no more ; 
And of this we are sure, they will certainly be 
A century nearer earth's great jubilee. 



crackin' nuts. 259 



UNCLE ALVIN CRACKIN' NUTS. 

I seldom see the e^rly frosts but memory will recall 
The jolly times we used to have when nuts began to 

fall, 
And how we boys would sally forth, with each a cup 

and sack, 
And sometimes get as many as we cleverly could 

"back." 
And when the nuts were nicely cured, and when the 

winter came. 

We interspersed the crackin' them with many a jolly 

game. 
And jokes as well as nuts were cracked, and hearty 

laughter rang, 

And sometimes frolics mingled with the merry songs 
we sang. 

But crackin' jokes and crackin' nuts I found a dif- 
ferent play. 

For, sometimes, in the latter sport my thumb got in 
the way, 

Or else the hammer dodged the nut and fell upon my 
thumb. 

And almost pounded off my nail, or made a blister 
come ; 

And then, almost invariably, I hit the nut a whack, 
Which made it spin across the room, or else it made 
it crack, 



26o UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And that relieved my temper, and, of course, relieved 

the pain, 
And after swingin' it a while, wentcrackin' nuts again. 

But that was years and years ago, and though I'm 

gettin' gray, 
And life takes on a meanin' which is somethin' more 

than play, 
I relish yet the crackin' nuts, though of a different 

kind. 
And not with stone and hammer, but with efforts of 

the mind. 
And some, I find, crack easily, and one can get the 

"pit," 
If there is any in it, and enjoy the eatin' it, 
Without a lot of hammerin', because the shell is thin, 
And offers small resistance to the kernel held within. 

But now and then I find a nut, and sometimes quite a 

batch. 
So fortified within their shell they prove more than a 

match 
For any poundin' I can do or skill I know about. 
To get the rind and shell removed, and get the kernel 

out. 
I know there's lots of wiser men in each community 
(If not, I'm sorry for the place) than I pretend to.be, 
And so I'd like to ask if they can any of them crack 
The hard shelled nut which I have got reposin' in my 
sack? 



crackin' nuts. 261 

The one that puzzles me the most, and I esteem the 
worst, 

I think I'd better give to them to try their skill on 
first. 

And if they prove a match for that, I'll hand the bal- 
ance out, 

For they may each contain a truth the world should 
know about. 

The nut is this : how soon can we put any wrong away, 

By sellin' it the privilege of stayin' on, for pay ? 

If crime can pay the premium that's charged it by the 
State, 

Does money that's obtained from it, its evils miti- 
gate? 

Will money in our coffers pay for all the manhood 

slain 
By alcoholic murderers, which license lets remain ? 
Or will it heal the broken hearts, or dry the flowin' 

tears, 
Or make the wail of misery like music to our ears ? 
Or will it, by the part it takes in government, set free 
The voters of the nation from responsibility ? 
Does God, who loves the souls of men, esteem them 

any less. 
Because the parties weigh them out to win a brief 

success ? 



262 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOMK AND ABROAD. 

And here's another nut for them : if christian men can 

pray 
That God will rid our land from rum, then vote to 

have it stay ; 
Or if they do not pray at all, but vote to legalize 
This traffic, which is certainly " the sum of villainies," 
How high will such a prayer ascend, and what does 

such a vote, 
When stripped of all its party ties, and party names, 

denote ? 
Is God or party uppermost in such a heart and mind, 
, Which helps his party to success, but leaves his lyord 

behind ? 



PERTINENT QUESTIONS. 

(To be answered at the polls) 

How long will it take to accomplish a work. 

If those we set at it the labor shall shirk ? 

Or if they keep toiling, but day after day 

Keep working exactly the opposite way ? 

What good will it do to keep looking aghast, 

As citizen voters with ballots to cast, 

At wrecks we are meeting on every highway, 

While casting our votes that the whiskey shall stay ? 

Will the faces we make, and the sighs that we have. 
Do much for the sorrowing hearts that must grieve ; 
Or make it less easy for unwary feet 
To fall in the traps which are lining the street ? 



PERTINENT QUESTIONS. 263 

Suppose we, as christians, shall fall on our knees 
And pray the great Father, as much as we please. 
To take this temptation and peril away, 
And then cast our vote that the traffic shall stay ? 

Does God answer prayer, as the most of us pray, 

In a go-as-you-please sort of good-natured way. 

And do what we ask Him, while we ourselves stand. 

Refusing to help Him, by lifting a hand? 

If whiskey and beer are so good, in their way. 

How silly, to Him, must it seem, while we pray ; 

But if they are evil, as most of us think. 

Why need we ask Him what to do with the drink ? 

What "gush " to bewail, as the most of us will. 
The fate of the fellows they so often kill ; 
Why not place a rooster just up at the head 
Of the notice which tells that another is dead ? 
It stands, as a symbol, to let people know 
Of triumphs achieved, and not simply to crow ; 
And when one has fallen, why not have displayed 
An emblem which tells of the progress we've made ? 

For this is an " industry," so says the law. 
And men the " material" when in the "raw," 
But after they pass through this government mill. 
Whatever is left is fit only to fill 
A shroud and a coffin and dishonored grave. 
But where is the sense in our trying to save 
The boy or the man from his ignoble fate. 
Since death to the man is a gain to the State ? 



264 UNCLIC AtVlN AT HOMl? AND ABROAD. 

And since we have government whisky to drink, 
What sort of a scheme would it be, do you think, 
If we could have, also, a government cow 
To furnish us milk, and a government sow 
To furnish us pork, and a government hen 
To lay us a government egg now and then ? 
And why may not farmers be suffered to keep, 
And share in the profits of government sheep ? 

Ought whiskey and beer to be burdened with tax. 
And carry the government lashed to their backs. 
When such minor things as our sugar and tea 
Can come to our tables essentially free, 
While the government even a premium pays 
On all the production of sugar we raise ? 
But who pays the tax in the end, do you think. 
The fellows who sell or the fellows who drink ? 

And now, after all, can it ever be wise. 

On any conditions, to make merchandise 

Of the vices of men, for the beggarly sums 

Which we must divide with the bars and the slums ? 

What kind of humanity is it which preys 

On the weakness of men for the profit it pays ? 

What sort of economy is it which thrives 

On the wasting of wages and ruin of lives ? 

How long would it take us to sewer the town, 

And pave it besides, and to pay it all down, 

If we had the money that goes to the tills 

Of the landlords now running our government mills ? 



P^RTlNENl' QtJES'l^IONg. 265 

And when shall we reach a more prosperous state, 
Unless we shall do it by changing our gait? 
We can if we wish, we can sweep it away, 
And it need not take longer than next voting day. 

Or will it be better to let the thing run 

In the shiftless-go-easy way which we have done. 

By frequently throwing these fellows a sop. 

And own that we're under, and they are on top? 

Well, we are the people, nobody's to blame. 

If we shall decide to continue the same ; 

And, may be, by waiting, these men will conclude 

To throw up their business and learn to be good. 

But how nice it would be if the mothers could know 
That the sons which they bear would be suffered to grow 
To a manhood more noble than just to be killed. 
To furnish a market for whisky distilled. 
But the needs of the "business " at present demands 
As costly oblations as this at their hands. 
And leaves them but little redress, but to wait. 
And hope, amid trembling, or weep at their fate. 

Men, also, have feelings and gravely deplore 
The needs of the " trade " and the perils in store 
For the young men and boys, and if they understood 
How to save both the boys and the business they would ; 
But the wisest of statesmen can't find out a way 
To rescue the boys and to make whisky pay. 
And it don't take a statesman a long time to choose 
When it comes down to dollaj^s or boys^ which to lose. 



266 UNCLR ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 



WHISPERS FROM THE FARM. 

(Prepared by request of officers of the Farmer's In- 
stitute, and read before them at their annual meeting 
at Hornellsville, N. Y.) 

I've been a farmer since so small and weak 

I could not reason, understand or speak ; 

My first industrial tendencies displayed — 

Based on the statements which my mother made, 

And which, in candor, I may not gainsay, 

With all the evidence the other way — 

Was drawing milk, and if results can tell 

Of past success, succeeded fairly well ; 

For you, as farmers, know that, otherwise, 

I scarcely could have reached my present size. 

No law is more apparent anywhere 

Than stinted growth from early scanty fare. 

I may not be, in any proper sense, 

A dairy product, having recompense ; 

But, through the ills by which it is beset. 

The dairy keeps its hold upon me yet. 

No dainty beverage, by man distilled, 

A place so prominent has ever filled. 

In this great world of multiplying need. 

To slake its thirst, its hungry millions feed ; 

No fairy ever pressed her dainty lips 

To sweeter nectar than the urchin sips 

From his tin cup at morning or at night, 

Nor with the half his healthful appetite. 



WHISPERS FROM THE) FARM. 267 

No epicure can quite complete his dream 

Of things he longs for, without thoughts of cream ; 

Itself alone, or skillfully combined. 

By culinary wisdom of the kind 

These wives and daughters gracefully display 

Around the kitchen table, day by day. 

In articles, to mention which would need 

A longer list than we would care to read. 

Or you to hear, but all of which unite 

Their grateful relish to the appetite. 

And then the juicy grass and fragrant hay 

These thrifty farmers' wives have stored away 

In jars and pails and tubs of various size. 

To wait the market or their own supplies ; 

Transformed, 'tis true, by nature's alchemy, 

And their own handicraft and industry, 

In bulk and color from the forms they bore, 

And with a flavor they had not before ; 

But grass and hay essentially the same. 

However called by more euphonious name. 

If one could see them, would afford a sight 

To fi,ll a healthy eater with delight. 

What matter if the butter which you spread 

In golden flakes upon your snow-white bread, 

Has twice been chewed before ? Or when you drink 

Your glass of milk, whoever stops to think 

Where, and by what a process it was brewed 

Into such pleasant, healthful human food ? 

And who among you would be less at ease, 

While masticating some one's creamy cheese, 



268 UNCtE ALVIN AT" HOME ANt) ASROAt). 

Because, in open field or glimmering shade, 

Not long before, it was a simple blade 

Of common grass, and some one's patient cow 

Was eating it, as you are doing now ? 

And yet 'tis grass, you and your cow are fed 

On the same substance and are comforted. 

She ate at first, and lodged within her hide 

Were potent forces gravely occupied 

Distilling, shall we call it ? grass and dew 

Into a healthful beverage for you. 

How was it done ? Well may we question how ; 

Our only answer is, the cow, the cow. 

You press the grass, and straightway will be seen. 

Not milky whiteness, but a livid green ; 

You taste its juices, scarcely will you find 

The faintest flavor of that grateful kind 

You taste in milk. And so we constantly 

Are taking in an unsolved mystery. 

We call it nature: is the mystery less 

Because of our reluctance to confess 

What we know not, and play with words to hide 

Our ignorance, and so seem satisfied ? 

And what is nature but the complex wheels 

Through which our God himself to man reveals ? 

And you, as those whose labor brings you near 

To nature's heart, should have the quickest ear 

To catch the many pulses, as they trill 

Through every form of life, and thus fulfill. 

By agencies like these. His gracious plan 

Of being felt and recognized by man. 



WHISPERS FROM THE EARM. 269. 

What other calling, in which men engage, 

At present or in any previous age. 

Links them so close, in all their round of toil. 

With His great power, as those who till the soil ? 

This hungry world would famish but for you, 

And death would thrust his fingers through and 

through 
The busy wheels of every enterprise 
Which thrill and throb in countless industries. 
God's hand is opened, and you stand to take 
What He bestows for His creation's sake. 
And pass it on, through mart, and press, and mill, 
To the remotest purpose of His will. 
Nature's high priests, what lesser rank have they, 
Whose chosen calling is but to convey 
Her lavish bounties with the utmost speed 
Into the gaping mouths of those who need ? 
An humble calling, is it, thus to stand. 
Taking these royal gifts first from her hand ; 
Feeling the pulse of nature's throbbing heart. 
As she unbosoms, that she may impart 
The rarest of her gifts, for you to spread 
Wide as the need of those who must be fed ? 
Call it the noblest, and be satisfied 
To be in such a mission occupied. 
Inquire of her, and she will not conceal 
The things it may be wisdom to reveal ; 
But gladly makes a confident of those. 
Who equal confidence in her repose. 
Knowing her secrets, you shall more and more 



270 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Unlock the treasures of her store ; 

Scorn her, and, maiden like, she will recoil, 

And be avenged in unrequited toil. 

What other labor is less commonplace 

Than your's, which brings you daily face to face 

With constant miracle? Can you explain 

How dirt and sunshine, heat and air and rain 

Can so combine that they become the meat 

Of every living thing which needs to eat ? 

Take man alone, and see a table spread 

Three times a day, for those who must be fed ; 

Three double rows, close seated side by side, 

Three times around the world, and satisfied : 

Then think how this great throng shall re-appear, 

Not once alone, but daily, year by year, 

And find, no matter how they multiply. 

Enough each day to amply satisfy. 

Then count the herds which must supply them meat, 

And measure, if you can, the rice and corn and wheat, 

Which, through a year, must furnish them with 

bread, 
And weigh the tons of butter which they spread ; 
And then the milk which this great throng will pour 
Would shame Niagara, with its rush and roar ; 
Pile up the fruit, what pyramids you rear 
To feed the hungry world a single year. 
Where figures fail, let fancy lend her wings. 
To scale the mountains of such other things 
As lavish nature on her sons bestows, 
Of every vegetable thing that grows. 



WHISPERS FROM THE FARM. 27 1 

Whose hands but yours become the open door, 

Through which these mighty resources must pour ? 

Call it ignoble, will you, thus to stand, 

Taking these gifts, so fresh from nature's hand, 

And be her ministers, the world to feed, 

With everything provided for its need ? 

Suppose you tire, with none to take your place, 

What other industry can feed the race ? 

Nay, if combined, how could they all supply 

That sustenance, without which man must die ? 

And if so needful, surely it must be 

Clothed with no meagre share of dignity. 

True, ignoramuses may under-rate. 

And over-reaching avarice create 

Monopolies, which may awhile oppress ; 

But time and patience will these wrongs redress. 

And yet, these money-barons and their tools. 

With their half-brothers, ridiculing fools. 

Are prompt as other men to pass their plate 

To share the bounties which you help create. 

Humble, it may be, but pray tell us what 

Of valued service to the world is not. 

Surely, foundation things are frequently 

Destined to rest in some obscurity ; 

The loftiest monuments which ever rise 

Can only stand upon what underlies ; 

The cap-stone revels in the light of day. 

While the foundation may be hid away. 

The cap-stone, still, might totter from it's seat, 

And fall in fragments at the gazer's feet, 



272 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And yet, the monument might still endure 

For generations perfectly secure ; 

But let disaster happen to the walls 

Which forms its base, and the whole structure falls. 

It may be pleasanter to occupy 

A place which will attract the public eye. 

But it is better for the world that we 

Be occupied in useful industry ; 

And you can ransack all creation through 

To find another thing which man may do. 

Which is itself sub-stratum for them all, 

And without which they everyone must fall. 

Not all, perhaps, but few, who eat their fill 

From fruitful fields your hands have helped to till, 

Have thought enough to half appreciate 

Their obligations for the things they ate. 

But your reward lies not in human praise. 

But in the golden harvests which you raise, 

And in your contribution to the need 

Of even the ungrateful whom you feed ; 

Even as He, who lets His blessings fall 

Unstinted and ungrudgingly on all. 

No more important work, for human weal. 

Is wrought on any great industrial wheel. 

Than that which furnishes the daily bread 

Of which our whole humanity is fed. 

And here we pause. Has this gigantic plan 

No other, deeper interest to man. 

Than to the oxen which we feed and drive. 

That we should be content to simply live ? 



WHISPERS FROM THE FARM. 273 

Have we no other and no greater need 

Than that which meat and milk and grain will feed ? 

Has nature taxed her utmost energies 

To crowd her storehouse full of all supplies 

To feed the nations who are here to-day, 

And who, to-morrow, will have passed away ? 

Does God's great plan, in wheeling worlds in space, 

Of which our earth is one, no thought embrace 

Beyond the careful giving of supply 

Of creature wants until the creature die ? 

Rather, is not the mighty system wrought 

Around the central, all-pervading thought 

Of immortality ; and things of sense 

Become important, but as incidents 

Which may or may not helpfully control 

The tendencies of an immortal soul ? 

As stairways, up which human feet may climb, 

From the material to the sublime. 

This round of daily, sometimes irksome toil 

Should be transformed by those who till the soil. 

Who, if not you, within whose constant sight, 

The silent, potent elements unite. 

In God's great laboratory, to prepare 

Food for the nations, out of earth and air, 

Should stand in awe, amid such majesty. 

And hear and do His pleasure cheerfully ? 

And when, at length, you reach life's eventide. 

With burdens dropped, and duties lain aside, 

Who, if not you, will have the keenest zest, 

After your toil, for His eternal rest ? 

18 



274 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 



BUIIyD UPWARD. 

Build upward, my boy. Opportunities grand 
Will come within reach of the place where you stand ; 
But they, like the fragments of time, are so fleet, 
They're gone, if not seized and placed under your feet ; 
And you, as a builder, will need to be quick. 
To grasp and to use them, as masons do brick ; 
Not hodful at once, but a brick at a time. 
So life's opportunities help you to climb. 

Some builders, my boy, have begun at the top — 

A clink, and some dust, and you hear something drop ; 

And scattered about, in the place where they fall, 

Are fragments of what was a beautiful wall. 

So character-builders too often find out 

That only the fragments lie scattered about, 

The character gone : they began at the top. 

And built only ruins by letting things drop. 

Build upward, my boy, by adopting the plan 

The great Master-builder has drafted for man. 

The wrecks which lie scattered about should suffice 

To teach you a lesson and open your eyes. 

They planned for themselves, and they built as they 

planned, 
A structure as shapeless and worthless as sand. 
God can not be mocked, and the ones who build down 
Will build but a dolt or a villain or clown. 



GOOD FOR THE BLUES. 275 

CHORUS. 

Build upward, build upward, build upward, my boy, 
And choose a foundation Time can not destroy ; 
And if, in your work, you let anything drop. 
Let it be what would hinder your reaching the top. 



GOOD FOR THE BLUES. 

The most of men have, now and then, a tussle with 

the "blues," 
Which, while they stay, can paint a day with most 

despondent hues ; 
And they can vex the fairer sex, in spite of wit or 

grace. 
And send a rain of tears to stain the sweetness of 

their face. 
But Nature knew just what to do in every such attack, 
To turn the night to broad daylight, and bring the 

sunshine back ; 
'Tis music's charm that can disarm this robber of our 

peace. 
And make the ' ' blue ' ' of every hue, while it remains, 

to cease. 

But some will say they can not play, and some they 

can not sing, 
And how can they drive " blues " away with weapons 

they can't swing ? 



276 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

But, bless you, man, you surely can, for nature don't 

impart 
A gift so grand with partial hand, needed by every 

heart. 
Songs do not spring from lips that sing, but come 

from out the soiil^ 
And lips and voice have not a choice but let the music 

roll. 
Your soul may lift her royal gift, in accents high or 

low. 
Though lips are mum and voice is dumb, and bid the 

shadows go. 



WE'RE ALIv IN IT. 

We're doing things we disallow. 

And saying things by us unspoken, 
While often ready to avow 

No wrong is done, no statute broken. 
We've all attested our delight. 

Through those by whom we're represented. 
In being at a rooster fight. 

And to the broken law consented. 

The most of us "would spurn the thought, 

If it was even intimated 
That our own virtue could be bought, 

Or possibly was over-rated ; 



we're Att IN 11^. 277 

Yet everyone of us receive, 

Through an unwilling contribution, 
Our paltry taxes to relieve. 

The shameless hire of prostitution. 

We shudder at the awful deeds 

Of men whose hands are red with slaughter, 
And sigh for every heart that bleeds 

Over a murdered son or daughter ; 
And yet do we not sanction still 

That policy in legislation 
Which gives our full consent to kill 

The very flower of the nation ? 

The mighty burden rests somewhere 

For all this vast amount of evil ; 
And we can hardly roll our share 

Over upon the poor old devil. 
Nothing but cowardice can shrink 

From facing this great obligation 
To purge the vice of lust and drink 

Out of the city, State and nation. 



278 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 



"PLENTY OF BEER ON THE GROUND." 

The artist was early this morning, with chalk, 
With which he has given a voice to the walk 
(And not one, but many) by making it say, 
"A game of base ball at the fair ground to-day," 
And every few rods you are certain to meet 
The same thing repeated right under your feet ; 
And under it sometimes this sentence is found, 
That " there will be plenty of beer on the ground." 

It seems, the world over, a recognized law, 

That a cause or a scheme must have something to 

"draw ;" 
And the work of the artist proclaims that he knew 
The force of this truth, and has kept it in view 
When he skillfully placards around on the walk 
Its greatest attraction in letters of chalk ; 
For he makes the stone say, in no uncertain sound, 
That " there will be plenty of beer on the ground." 

The day may be hot, and the players may sweat. 
And need, to refresh them, to have something "wet ; " 
And even the crowd, who work hard (with the eye), 
In watching the players, may get warm and dry ; 
And it's thoughtful of him, in advance to proclaim 
To players and all who shall witness the game 
(And, of course, those who read it will pass it around) 
That " there will be plenty of beer on the ground." 



A CHURCH MOTTO. 279 

But, somehow, we wonder if he didn't lie, 
Or had not, while chalking, a "stick " in his eye ; 
For, reading it over, it has a queer sound. 
As he tells us that ' ' there will be beer on the ground. ' ' 
" Be beer on the ground !" what a nice thing to say. 
While players play on, and the stuff runs away ! 
What nonsense ; don't go there expecting to find 
Much ' ' beer on the ground, ' ' save, perhaps, in your 
mind. 



A CHURCH MOTTO. 

One soul a week for Jesus, 

Our watchword ought to be ; 
And then with passionate desire. 
Our every heart should be on fire. 

This glad accomplishment to see ; 
And night and day our earnest cries 
Upon the wings of prayer should rise. 
That God will set the captives free. 

Thus consecrated, we should be 
]\[ore watchful and more quick to see 

And recognize our fellow's need ; 
And winter's cold or summer's heat 
Would not retard our willing feet 

From scattering the precious seed. 



28o uncle: alvin at home and abroad. 

One soul a week should be our aim, 
And in the blessed Master's name, 

Without consulting with our fears; 
Our lips should not be slow to move 
With messages of hope and love, 

To pour in unconverted ears. 

Suppose we shall be satisfied 
With this experiment untried. 

And we shall be content to feel 
That our own hearts and lives are pure, 
And our salvation is secure, 

Without a further care or zeal ? 

Suppose, that with the harvest white. 
We do not labor as we might, 

And some of it be left to rot ; 
And afterward it shall appear 
That here and there a wasted ear. 

If we had sought, we might have got ? 

Suppose that we consult our ease, 
And labor only as we please, 

Amid the world of human need ; 
Will it be just as well at last. 
When opportunities are past. 

That they received so little heed ? 



A CHURCH MOl'TO. 28 1 

One soul a week for Jesus, 

Suppose we all shall say ; 
And then, not only in our prayer. 
But in our labors here and there, 

Should watch for chances day by day. 
With men and women whom we meet. 
Within the homes, or in the street. 

To tell them of this better way ? 

Would it be long before our zeal 
Would make these men and women feel 

That we were anxious for their sake ; 
And would the seed we thus should sow. 
Going among them to and fro, 

Within their hearts no rooting take ? 

Suppose we aim at nothing more 
Than swinging like a common door ? 

We might accomplish what we aim ; 
But would our lives be strong to bless, 
And make the sins of men the less, 

Because we bore a christian name ? 

The sons of men do not attain 
Successes on a higher plain 

Than they deliberately plan ; 
And then are driven to confess 
To bitter failures, more or less, 

When they have done the best they can. 



282 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Then what successes shall we see, 
If we shall drift on aimlessly ? 

But if unitedly we seek 
For fruitage all along our way, 
Who is there that shall dare to say. 

We may not win one soul a week ? 

This motto, then, let us inscribe 
Upon the banner of our tribe ; 

And then as much as in us lies, 
Make it our constant care to seek 
And gather in one soul a week, 

For "whoso winneth souls is wise." 



SKATING ON THE CANACADEA. 

Never before, since the old creek run. 

Has it furnished the youngsters with so much fun. 

As since ' ' Old Jack ' ' for the ten days past 

His icy mantle has over it cast, 

And held its gurgling waters below. 

While the boys have cared for the falling snow, 

And with careful pains kept it scraped away, 

To clear the field for the evening's play. 

And play it has been, for when shadows fall, 
They gather like troopers at bugle call, 
Their shoulders slung with an armor of steel, 
If not for the breast, for the toe and heel ; 



SKATING ON THE CANACADEA. 283 

And the glassy stream has a heart of glee, 
As he tips his cap to them merrily, 
And chuckles behind his ic}^ grate, 
To witness the joy of an evening's skate. 

And the boys and girls, as they swiftly skim 

Over the ice-field spread by him. 

Have scarcely a thought to whom they owe 

The joy which is thrilling their young hearts so ; 

And scarcely a fear that the words they say 

His lips may babble abroad some day. 

And make them blush for the "spooney " word 

That the sly old elf has overheard. 

And yet, no doubt, if we knew the truth, 
He is so in touch with the heart of youth 
That nothing could tempt him to betray 
A single word that their young lips say ; 
For he knows, we think, that much of the charm 
Of an evening's skate lies in some one's arm ; 
And a part, at least, of it's pleasure is traced 
To the gallant support that surrounds a waist. 

But aside from that, there's a healthful joy 

In a lively skate for a girl or boy ; 

While the young blood courses from limb to limb, 

As they poise on the polished steel, and skim, 

Like an arrow shot from a sinewy bow. 

Across the ice-field, to and fro ; 

And we watch from the bridge that is over them hung, 

With a wish, half acknowledged, that we were young. 



284 uncle; ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 



''WHAT WAS JOHN WESLEY'S IDEA IN 
ORGANIZING THE CLASS SYSTEM?" 

(A paper prepared and read at a class leaders' con- 
vention held at Corning, N. Y. The subject was 
given the writer by the program committee.) 

This question may read plain enough, but when it is 

defined. 
The answer will be difficult and delicate, combined. 
It asks of us to traverse through a century or more 
Of history behind us ; then it asks us to explore, 
Not simply what the founder of our methodism 

wrought. 
Which made his name immortal, but interpret what 

he thought. 
And read the inner workings of his great, heroic soul, 
Which moves among the nations still, reaching from 

pole to pole, 
And marshalling for conquest with a most consummate 

skill, 
The loyal sons and daughters of the Lord Almighty, 

still. 
We pause before a question which might tax an 

angel's pen 
To give a truthful answer to the minds of common 

men ; 
Yet one thing is apparent, and we have the right to 

say. 



JOHN Wesley's idea. 285 

He thought to help his fellow men to climb the 

heavenly way. 
He knew by hard experience at many a time and 

place, 
"That this vile world," as he had sung, " was not a 

friend to grace, ' ' 

And that the constant warfare which the saints of God 

must wage 
Would need such re-inforcement as " would conquer 

Satan's rage," 

And kindle in their bosoms such enthusiastic fire 

As burns amid the conflict where the hosts of hell 
conspire ; 

And makes them shout in triumph while baptized in 

flood or flame, 
And sing their hallelujahs in their great Commander's 

name. 
He knew, for he had tasted, of the help it would af- 
ford. 
To talk with one another of the dealings of the Lord ; 
How timid hearts got courage, and the feeble were 

made strong, 
As well by faithful witnessing as by the voice of song : 
And how a soul had often, from what might have 

been a rout, 
Been helped to scale the parapets, and hang their 

banners out. 
And yet he scarcely could have dreamed without a 

prophet's ken. 
The half of what the system of the class would do for 

men ; 



286 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

No thought of all its helpfulness along the century, 
Back over which we travel, could the mind of Wesley 

see ; 
He saw, indeed, the present ; how it worked from day 

to day. 
Girding the soul for obstacles it met along the way ; 
He saw it as a factor which could keep alive the zeal 
Of christian men and women to defy the foeman's 

steel, 
And stand with elbows touching upon every battle 

field, 
Or fight or fall for victory, but never, never yield ; 
But hardly could he have believed, if it had been fore- 
told. 
The matchless possibilities the system would unfold ; 
How from its small beginnings, where its banners 

were unfurled, 
'Twould spread within a century until it filled the 

world. 
He might have had impressions that a system which 

could bless 
The witnesses for Jesus, where they joyfully confess 
Their purposes to serve Him, and to rest upon His 

word, 
Should then, and ever after, have the blessing of the 

Lord ; 
But where the blessing of the Lord would ultimately 

lead. 
We doubt if any thought of it entered his busy head. 
The system had its origin, not first in Wesley's 

thought. 



JOHN WESLEY'S IDEA. 287 

But in the deep experience which in his soul was 

wrought, 
By his complete abandonment of self, and will and 

all, 
To hold himself in readiness to heed the Spirit's call. 
And go wherever bidden, without questioning the 

plan. 
And use his utmost efforts to lift up his fellow man. 
Thus wholly given up to God, his constant attitude 
Toward the Spirit's movings made them quickly 

understood. 
And while his soul was quickened to perceive the 

Spirit's will. 
His thought was quickened, also, in the methods to 

fulfill. 
And so the church we honor owes a vastly higher 

mead 
To Wesley's deep devotion than it owes to Wesley's 

head. 
Clear as his mental powers were, much of their clear- 
ness came 
From having in his nature such an all-consuming 

flame 
To spread abroad the knowledge to the needy sons of 

men. 
That Christ was their salvation, and that he could 

save them then. 
The scriptures tell us plainly, while all holy men 

unite 
To give it their endorsement, that their ' ' entrance 

giveth light. " 



288 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Without their inspiration in the heart of Wesley then, 
He might have lived his four score years, and died 

unknown to men. 
He owes his immortality on the historic page. 
Not to his brilliant intellect, as poet, scholar, sage, 
But to his flaming zeal for God which filled him 

through and through. 
And which enabled him to build more wisely than he 

knew. 
How else can God make use of men, until they thus 

shall give 
The best that may be in them, in the humble lives 

they live, 
To do the work He gives them in the manner He 

shall show, 
And let the Spirit lead them in the ways He'd have 

them go ? 
Men may accomplish something, and may get a 

brilliant name, 
And carve it on the tablets of the world's enduring 

fame, 
By purely human efforts, in a worthy enterprise. 
And sometimes be applauded by their fellows to the 

skies ; 
But who among them ever, like our Wesley, have 

achieved, 
Without an inspiration from the truths which they 

believed. 
Such mighty benefactions for so many of his kind. 
By any institutions they have planned, and left be- 
hind ? 



JOHN WESLEY'S IDEA. 289 

The answer to the question asked, ' ' What was the 
leading thought ? " 

Is answered far more clearly by the mighty things he 
wrought, 

Than they were ever answered by the feeble voice or 
pen, 

Of even those who tower far above the most of men ; 

An answer which the ages are repeating o'er and o'er, 

And which uncounted millions shall repeat forever 
more ; 

The thought of helping others by the means which he 
had found, 

Had ministered a strength to him, and helped to 
hedge him round. 

Amid his human weakness, while exposed to Satan's 
power. 

And brought the sunshine through the rifts in many 
a trying hour. 

And set his pulses thrilling with a courage which de- 
fied 

All forces which opposed him, and a joy which satis- 
fied. 

Well will it be for christians, of whatever faith or 
name, 

If they can catch the spirit and a measure of that 
flame 

Which makes the name of Wesley such a tower of 
strength to-day, 

And covers it with glory which shall never pass 
away. 

19 



290 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And such, the scriptures tell us, *' waxeth valiant in 
the fight," 

Where "one can chase a thousand ; two, ten thous- 
and put to flight," 

Defy the powers of darkness, make the alien armies 
flee, 

And hasten on the coming of the world's great jubi- 
lee. 

Perhaps it may be questioned whether Wesley's active 
mind 

Foresaw the church's future, where the system had 
declined. 

Until, as at the present, its distinctive features stood 

No longer as a blessed link of christian brotherhood ; 

But in the face of history, as marvelous as true. 

Of her magnificent advance, and what she has passed 
through 

To reach her high position as the foremost church on 
earth, 

She casts aside the spirit which presided at her birth, 

And gives to christian testimony but a meager place. 

To help her new-born children to maturity in grace. 

But if he did foresee it, such a mind must have dis- 
cerned 

Enough of peril in it to have made him feel con- 
cerned 

About the church's future ; for declension here must be 

A lapse from vital piety toward formality. 

And such it has been proven, where the ' ' class ' ' has 
fallen down, 



JOHN WESLEY'S IDEA. 29I 

Much of the old-time zeal for God and power are un- 
known. 

Churches increase in numbers, while their power to 
help and bless, 

Measured by old-time standards, are as surely growing 
less ; 

While God's unchanging promises are evermore the 
same. 

The church's zeal for mighty things is manifestly 
tame. 

So much organization, of a wheel within a wheel. 

To barely keep in motion taxes ordinary zeal ; 

A forward movement anywhere, on almost any line, 

Takes super-human effort and a zeal that- is divine. 

Sometimes, thank God, we see it yet, but we should 
be surprised 

At things that would be possible with her less organ- 
ized. 

vSimplicity was Wesley's thought, and to it he ad- 
hered. 

And from it came the mighty works which every- 
where appeared ; 

God gave it His endorsement, and the powers of 
darkness quailed. 

And single-handed conflicts with the hosts of hell pre- 
vailed. 

Simplicity in worship : let the founder's spirit fall 

Once more upon her membership, and consecrate us 
all ; 

Let love divine inspire us with a kind of zeal which 
dares 



292 UNCLE AI^VIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

To put some expectation in the spirit of our prayers, 
Arid venture somewhat farther than our fleshy eyes 

can see, 
And go wherever bidden and expect a victory. 
If Wesley can look down from heaven upon our 

halting gait. 
And see our little courage, while the golden chances 

wait, 
For grasping mighty conquests in the cause for which 

he fought. 
It might be interesting could we know just what he 

thought. 
We may not turn interpreter, and undertake to-day 
To be a mouth for Wesley, and to tell what he would 

say ; 
We may not quite imagine how his earnest soul 

would feel, 
After a century in heaven, and what immortal zeal 
Would burn in every utterance his holy lips would 

frame, 
If we could catch the message which he doubtless 

would proclaim ; 
But sure as immortality, his words would neither aid 
Or countenance in any way a thought of retrograde. 
What he advised while in the flesh, that men should 

push their way 
Through every obstacle they met, we think he still 

would say. 
But say it with an emphasis unheard by us before, 
And still point upward through the way " that shin- 

eth more and more. ' ' 



'THE preacher's reminiscence. 293 

And if this institution has been honored of the Lord 

Beyond all computation, why should it not be re- 
stored ? 

Why may we not expect the power to dwell within 
the form, 

If lives are just as earnest and our love is just as warm ? 

What Nehemiah shall arise and thrill us with his call 

To help remove the rubbish, and re-build again the 
wall, 

And set up ancient land-marks which are lying in de- 
cay. 

More eloquent of ruin than of victory to-day ? 



THE PREACHER'S REMINISCENCE. 

Beside my fire in cozy chat, one blustering winter day, 
An hour or two the preacher sat, while memory 

strolled away, 
And led his footsteps back again, over the way they 

came. 
Until, unconsciously to him, his face was all aflame 
With that same fervor which had thrilled those whom 

he'd stood before 
In many a schoolhouse, where he'd preached, or sick 

bed he'd bent o'er. 
Telling the Saviour's wond'rous love and mighty 

power to save, 
And tinge with glory and with hope the darkness of 

the grrave. 



294 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Ah, memory ! when she takes the reins, she goes at 

such a pace 
That often e'er she calls a halt she gives us quite a 

chase ; 
And so the preacher followed on, sometimes beside 

the bed 
Of dying christians, who had found a pillow for their 

head 
On that great bosom which has throbbed in pity for 

the race, 
And from its depths has opened up a fountain of His 

grace : 
Sometimes he tarried by the grave, where last good- 
byes are said, 
And comforted, as best he could, the mourners for 

their dead. 

Sometimes he led his willing thoughts back to the 

blessed place 
Where, down the years which he had come, wond'rous 

displays of grace 
Had often visited the work his hands had tried to do, 
And set the Spirit's seal on scores of weeping souls 

anew. 
' ' But greatest of the wonders wrought, ' ' he then 

went on to say, 
"Was in Uriah's oldest girl, before she passed away. 
You know he drank, and drank so hard — kind-hearted, 

though, and free — 
And when the girl got very sick the old man came 

for me. 



THE preacher's reminiscence. 295 

"Of course, I went, and read the word, and pointed 
out the way 

As plainly as I could to her, and then I knelt to pray, 

While old Uriah and his wife both knelt beside the 
bed, 

And wept as if their hearts would break, while on my 
knees I plead 

That God would show His mercy there and cleanse 
her soul from sin, 

Take doubt and trembling from her heart and put His 
peace within ; 

And some time, in a day or two, I don't exactly know 

Just when it was, the answer came, the Lord per- 
formed his vow. 

' ' I went to see her once or tv/ice, and each time heard 

her say 
She had the clearest evidence her sins were washed 

away ; 
And one day, when my forenoon's work I thought 

was nearly done, 
I saw the old man coming with his horses on the run. 
He stopped before my shop and said, in his excited 

way, 
' Come, brother Charles, I've come for you ; get in 

without delay.' 
'It's noon,' I said, 'and dinner time ; but, then, of 

course, I'll go ; 
Besides, I'm in my shirt-sleeves now, and can't go 

looking so.' 



296 UNCIvK ALVIN AT HOMK AND ABROAD. 

"' Dinner !' he answered ; * brother Charles, it will 

not do to wait ; 
Before you got your dinner it would surely be too late. 
Borrow a coat, or go without. The poor girl fails so 

fast • 

We almost tremble at each breath, lest it should be 

her last.' 
In borrowed coat I got aboard, then how the horses 

flew. 
And made the quickest two-mile drive, I think, I ever 

knew. 
We found her failing fast, indeed, but calm as sum- 
mer day. 
And, smiling, she gave me her hand, and then asked 

me to pray. 

"And when the prayer was ended, and we'd risen 
from our knees. 

We saw a sight before us that a mortal seldom sees : 

Her pallid face was all aglow with a glory not its own. 

But must have been reflected from the everlasting 
throne. 

In accents which I can't forget, she uttered this re- 
quest. 

With heaven's music, evidently, thrilling through her 
breast : 

'I want you all to help me sing, "We'll Gather at 
the River ;" ' 

And clear and sweet we heard her voice, without a 
break or quiver. 



THE preacher's reminiscence. 297 

"And when the last words of the hymn had floated 

out in song, 
She said to all the weeping ones, in tones distinct and 

strong, 
' Now I must kiss you one by one, and bid you all 

good-bye, 
And want you each to promise that you'll meet me in 

the sky.' 
And so the farewell words were said, the dying lips 

were pressed. 
Until each weeping friend in turn was tenderly ca- 
ressed. 
* Father,' she said, when all had come, 'has not some 

one been missed ? 
I think there must be some one else whose lips I 

haven't kissed : 
Ah ! brother Charles, you haven't come ; I want to 

kiss you, too ; 
Your prayers and words have helped me so, I can not 

pass by you.' 
And when I felt the parting kiss of that triumphant 

girl, 
I felt my spirit lifted up toward the gates of pearl. 

"Her work, w^e saw, was finished then, and with a 

peaceful smile 
She calmly waited her release — only a little while ; 
In thirty minutes from the time we knelt beside her 

bed, 
Her triumph was completed, and we saw that she was 

dead. 



298 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And when I stood beside her form, upon her burial 

day, 
It was not hard for me to think of something good to 

say; 
Nor was I much surprised to hear a man I'd known 

for years 
Say, 'Charles, you beat yourself to-day,' and say it 

through his tears. 

"And though I've stood so many times beside the bed 

of death. 
And seen them smile, and heard them shout with 

their expiring breath, 
I never seemed to look so far within the gates of pearl 
As when they opened wide that day for old Uriah's 

girl: 
No triumph ever seemed so sweet as when the angels 

came 
And bore the drunkard's daughter home in chariot's 

of flame. 
Ah, well !" he said, as he arose and started for the 

door, 
" It don't hurt either you or I to talk these seasons 

o'er." 



WHEN I AM DEAD. 299 

WHKN I AM DEAD. 

Somewhere, along the coming years, 
That mystic gate I have not seen, 
Swinging so silently between 
The known and unknown hemispheres, 
Shall let me pass in, to explore 
The realities of that fair shore ; 

And round my form it shall be said 
By those who gather at my bed, 
That "he is dead." 

"What has he left?" will be inquired 
By persons who do not relate 
In any sense, to my estate, 
Almost as soon as I've expired ; 
And by that question simply mean 
The hoarded things which may be seen. 
With scarce a thought concerning bread 
With which the souls of men are fed — 
When I am dead. 

What shall be left? Ah, if I could, 
I would not choose to so profane 
lyife's opportunities to gain. 
And gather only worldly good ; 
But rather should my life fulfill 
The purpose of my Father's will, 

That over me it may be said, 
" Some struggling souls were helped and led," 
When I am dead. 



300 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOMK AND ABROAD. 

Life has no grander legacies 
For dying men to leave behind 
Than to be gratefully enshrined 
In living hearts, by ministries 

Which recognize, and so embrace. 
The kin-ship of the human race : 
Far rather would I have it said 
That mine were such as this, instead. 
When I am dead. 



DARNING STOCKINGS. 

Last night, in my dreaming, I saw the dear face 
Of Grandmother, sitting again in her place, 
And weaving the thrums of her bright-colored yarn 
In the rents of our stockings which she loved so to darn; 
And I watched, as I used to, her smiles, as they 

played 
In ripples of sunshine and blendings of shade. 
While her fingers kept weaving the red and the blue. 
With the skill of an artist, in rents that were new. 

And back from the past came the trooping of feet 
That fitted these stockings and socks so complete : 
The mirth of their laughter again I could hear ; 
The sobs of their crying came soft to my ear ; 
The noise of their rollicking shouts, at their play. 
And the bowing of heads as they all knelt to pray : 
Like a sweet panorama it seemed to unroll, 
And bind with its spell both my body and soul. 



A FRAGMENT. 301 

I saw her again, when the needle and yarn 

Afforded no longer a pleasure to darn ; 

When the sight of these stockings her tears would 

unlock, 
For missing ones gone from her dear little flock ; 
Some, out of the home to the mansions of rest, 
And some to the welcoming plains of the West ; 
And the stockings and yarn she had folded away. 
Where her sweetest and tenderest memories lay. 

Ah, memory ! how, with its beautiful sheen, 

It floats up before us to keep our lives green, 

And often its curtains so deftly unfold. 

To keep our hearts young while our bodies grow old. 

The circle no longer embraces them all. 

Save up in that kingdom where no shadows fall ; 

And all that is left are these memories fair 

Of Grandmother's darning — except her old chair. 



A FRAGMENT. 

If Christ is half what He pretends to be,^ 
Then the admission is itself a call 
Commanding the attention of us all 

To heed the voice of His authority. 

And if acknowledged, then they toy with fate 
Who have the hardihood to disobey, 
Or linger at the threshold of the way. 

With every moment that they hesitate. 



302 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 



IF WE KNEW. 

Ah ! if humanity but knew 
What mighty things a prayer might do 
To still the tempest in the breast, 
And bring the troubled spirit rest, 
Their lips would not be half so slow 
To frame the messages which go 
Straight into that Almighty ear 
Which bends so low these cries to hear. 

If human thought were not so blind 
To what the Father has designed. 
It would not misinterpret so 
The countless things we partly know. 
And sometimes mis-apply the thought 
Of plainest lessons which are taught, 
Or turn to bitterness of gall 
The grandest purposes of all. 

If human hands could lift the veil, 
And see how fervent prayers prevail 
With Him whose promises they plead, 
To teach humanity its need, 
What inspiration would be lent 
To plead for the impenitent. 
And with what courage souls would dare 
Beseige the throne of grace in prayer. 



IF WE KNEW. 303 

Ah ! if we only knew how near 
And how acute the Father's ear 
To catch the faintest breath of prayer, 
Breathed upward any time or where, 
And His facilities to send, 
Even to earth's remotest end. 
We'd see in this the swiftest way 
To reach the souls for which we pray. 

If we could come to see and feel 
That every promise bears the seal 
Of His eternal government, 
As proof to us of their intent. 
Would not the simplest common sense 
Proclaim it as a grave offense 
If we shall discount, from its face, 
His promise at His throne of grace ? 

If only those who pray but knew 
What mighty things a prayer may do. 
They'd see that men upon their knees 
Were stronger than Archimides. 
And with such power underneath. 
Would lift their fellows up from death, 
And make th' eternal arches rinof 
With anthems which the ransomed sing. 



304 uncle: alvin at home and abroad. 



"OF COURSE." 

Two would-be suicides a week, 

And from the same prolific source, 
Yet no one manifests surprise 

At what has simply come "of course." 
"Of course" the victim must be jailed, 

That we may vindicate the laws. 
But not, "of course," will be assailed 

The traffic which has been the cause. 

"Of course" the tide of death flows on. 
As undisputed in its sway 
As though its currents never bore 
A wife's or mother's hopes away. 
"Of course" the people will regret 
The awful havoc which it makes. 
And breathe some strong anathemas 
Against the courses which it takes. 

"Of course" 'twill be some other name 

That forms the paragrapher's text, 
When he informs us, as he will, 

Among his items, who is next ; 
But on, and on, and on it runs, 

Year follows year, and still it pours 
Its tide of death through trenches dug 

By our own hands, through all our doors. 



THE NEW GOSPEL. 305 

"Of course" we may "restrain" its flow, 
And we may ' ' regulate ' ' its course ; 
But can we stop its tide of woe 
Until we stop it at its source ? 
"Of course " that never can be done 
Within a nationality 
Where serfs and shackles are unknown, 
And every citizen is free ! 

"Of course," if men were sheep or swine. 

Our statesmen could devise a way 
By which its sources should be reached, 

And rob it of its power to slay ; 
But nothing is so cheap is men. 

And has as little worth as souls ; 
And so we simply heave a sigh. 

While onward the death current rolls. 



THE NEW GOSPEE. 

How long would it take for the gospel of peace 

To spread through the earth and accomplish its 
mission 
Of causing its meanness and sinning to cease. 

If now, at the last, we shall change its condition? 
Instead of their thundering, " Thus saith the Eord," 
Which prophets and preachers are always proclaim- 
ing, 
Let sin be restricted by paying reward. 

Then wait for the devil to do the reclaiming. 

20 



306 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

How high must the price of the privilege be 

To prove a successful reformative measure, 
Till lust shall be prisoned, from mountain to sea, 

However it clamor for profit or pleasure? 
And what would give nerve to the arm of the law. 

Or strength to the hearts of the men who enforce 
them. 
If those who transgress their enactments but saw 

That bribes to the conscience would quickly divorce 
them ? 

Has not the Great Teacher lacked wisdom to plan, 

In starting His scheme for the sinner's salvation, 
Not knowing the needs or the weakness of man, 

Or methods most likely to his reformation? 
What pity that wisdom so vital has lain 

These centuries long, by a cruel fate hidden. 
Till brought to the light by a party campaign, 

To give to the nation its blessings unbidden ! 

How long will it take, at the marvellous rate 

At which the new gospel of truth is progressing, 
Till hamlet and city and county and state 

Are happy and prosperous under its blessing ? 
What more can the ' ' crankiest crank ' ' still advise, 

To hasten the day of the nation's transforming, 
Than here, in this gospel of high license lies, 

Which waits for a "license" to do the reforming? 



GROW BONE. » 307 

And where will the logic of this gospel lead, 

And into what field may it not be extended ? 
And where is the meanness or villainous deed 

Which, under its teaching, may not be defended? 
Then why should the hearts of the people be sad 

To witness the wretchedness stalking around them, 
When, under these teachings, whatever is bad 

Is taxed to unburden the good that surrounds them ? 

What hinders the march of this truth, 'til it stands, 

Not only the dominant thought of this nation, 
But sheds its beneficence over all lands. 

Until it has proven the power of salvation ? 
If only the hands of the "faithful" are joined — 

The old gospel christians to do all the praying — 
While under the new, where the money is coined. 

The crooks and the villains shall do all the paying. 



GROW BONE. 

It's a mighty good thing to have muscle. 

In a world where there's so much to do. 
Where the life is a tug and a tussle 

With the things it must build or subdue ; 
But the grip which keeps all the world spinning 

Is not muscle and sinew alone ; 
Every ounce of the power to do it 

Must depend on a lever of bone. 



308 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

And if true in the lower creation, 

That all physical strength must depend 
Quite as little on muscle contraction 

As on levers which never can bend, 
Who will say it's not true in the higher. 

Where invisible forces control, 
That a lever of bone is not needed 

To give power and grip to the soul ? 

What a spectacle nature would give us, 

If, in order to make something stout. 
She should fashion a muscular booby 

With the bones, for the levers, left out ? 
Yet in morals there's no end of boobies 

Where the character hasn't a bone : 
It can stand up as long as you hold it, 

But it never can stand up alone. 

Yet it's worse than a slander to nature 

To say that she's fashioned a lout. 
When the truth is so plain that the fibre 

Of strength to the. soul is starved out. 
If the future shall give us such heroes 

As the past of our nation has known, 
Then the boys and the men of the present 

Need to diet, somewhat, to grow bone. 



ONCE MORE. 309 



ONCE MORE. 



This afternoon a raid was made on the houses of 
ill fame, and the station house was filled with the 
soiled doves that live in the various cotes of the city. 
Thirteen of them were arrested, the fines footing up 
to $425. The girls paid their fines and walked out 
to their homes to recoup the feathers of which they 
had been despoiled. — Evening Tribune^ Jzine 2^lh^ 
1895. 

Once more the law is honored, which the sterner sex 

has made, 
To squeeze out these "assessments" which these 

prostitutes have paid ; 
This sex without a ballot, and with not a word to say 
About the grade of their offence, or penalties they pay. 
Like sheep before the shearer, when the law says 

"come," they come. 
To let the shearers fleece them at their pleasure, and 

are dumb ; 
And then return to pasture, and be happy that they 

may, 
Because the ones who fleeced them might have sent 

them all away. 

But will somebody tell us how this money which was 

paid 
Is different from license fees for drivin' on their trade ? 
It doesn't change the meanin' by the words with 

which we play. 
Nor is it honest efforts for the puttin' crime away. 



3IO UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

To say that tliey were " raided " or "arrested " might 

be true, 
But not as those would understand who don't know 

how we do : 
A notice from the Mayor or the Chief is all they need 
To visit the Recorder, and instruct them how to plead. 

And little time is wasted, for the thing is quickly done ; 
The "fines" are gravely stated, and are settled, one 

by one ; 
When every mother's daughter of them walks abroad 

as free 
To prosecute their "calling" as a citizen can be. 
And then we hug the phantom, and perhaps believe 

it true. 
That this is all that justice and morality could do. 
And sfive an inward chuckle at the business tact dis- 

played, 
Which makes the city richer by the monies these have 

paid. 

Oh, Justice ! is thy mission here so misinterpreted. 
Or mammon has unseated thee, and reigneth in thy 

stead ? 
Or we become so lecherous that lust is left to reign. 
Like any other husbandry, for purposes of gain ? 
And virtue left to languish and become an easy prey. 
While vices riot everywhere for revenue they pay ? 
If harlots made the laws themselves, or sat in Jus- 
tice's seat. 
Could they do more than now is done, its purpose to 
defeat ? 



WHO PAYS? 311 



WHO PAYS? 

Coming's board of excise gathered in last year 
$4,950, while Hornellsville's board received $4,415. 
— Daily papej^s. 

We thought that we were quite a town, accordin' to 
our size, 

But Corning seems to beat us in her drinkin' enter- 
prise. 

We don't know what to lay it to, the people or the 
glass, 

Or to a higher license fee, that it has come to pass ; 

But she is 'way ahead of us, the best that we can do, 

By good five hundred dollars, in her whisky revenue ; 

And we had ninety licenses, the excise board declare, 

Which made the city richer by contributin' their share. 

And that's a license granted, as most any one can see, 
For just a fraction over each one hundred thirty-three 
Of our twelve thousand people, and they all of them 

survive, 
And many are reputed to not only live but thrive. 
Now, figure up their livin' and their license fees and 

rent, 
And money which they pay for "stock," and it's a 

nice per cent. 
Without the profits laid aside for rainy days, or age, 
From such a little colony as forms their patronage. 



312 UNCIvE ALVIN AT HOMR AND ABROAD. 

There must be quite a margin in the "merchandise" 

they sell, 
To have so small a patronage support them all so well, 
For of the hundred thirty-three, as average would fall, 
Another large per cent of these don't buy their 

"goods " at all. 
Take out a half for women — most of whom, we love 

to think. 
Have too much sterling common sense to buy such 

stuff to drink ; 
And then subtract the boys and girls who either are 

too small 
Or have been too well trained to drink, and where' 11 

the average fall ? 

Then take the fifth, or sixth, or tenth, or what per 

cent it be. 
Whom they can call their customers, and any one can 

see 
That if they had to pay it in the form of common tax, 
It would not only make them "kick," but almost 

break their backs. 
A little fifteen cents a day, which many spend for 

beer. 
Will grow to fifty dollars if they keep it up a year ; 
And fifty dollars laide aside, or loaned at some per 

cent, 
Would soon provide a little home, where now they 

have to rent. 



WHO PAVS? 313 

But Where's the sense of talkin' facts to those who 

love to drink, 
For it would not be needed if they'd ever stop to 

think ? 
The logic of a ground-hog would convince him mighty 

soon 
That burrows were as good for him as for the skunk 

or coon ; 
And not unless compelled to by the rigid force of law 
Would he be fool enough to dig their burrows with 

his paw : 
But men, who might think if they would, will not 

alone provide 
For other households than their own, but kill them- 
selves beside. 

And where' s the sense of askin' them who pays the 

license fees. 
When they are satisfied to work while landlords take 

their ease, 
And then as soon as pay day comes will make their 

wages fly 
In payin' up the weekly score, or treatin' compau}^ ? 
Who pays? We think the drinkers' wives contribute 

quite a share, 
By goin' without things they need, and eatin' scanty 

fare ; 
His children, too, contribute, by the rags they wear 

to school, 
Or stayin' out and growin' up a vagabond or fool. 



314 UNCLR ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

What wisdom in a policy, for city or a state, 
To foster institutions which directly militate 
Against the manhood of its men, or sanctity of home. 
Or breeds a moral pestilence for those who are to come ? 
Who pays? The state and nation, in the citizen 

made clown, 
Or shut behind some prison bars, his manhood broken 

down. 
Who, but for such a policy, which swallows men as 

prey, 
Would never have adventured into such a downward 

way. 

Who pays? Let's stop and ask it, let us ask it o'er 
and o'er. 

Till something like the naked truth shall dawn on us 
once more. 

And we shall see this revenue with such awakened 
sense 

That we can clearly comprehend just what it repre- 
sents. 

lyct's ask it till a clearer light enables us to see 

That nations cannot long survive on taxed iniquity, 

But that by God's eternal law, though recognized or 
not, 

Iniquity for revenue will generate a rot. 

We won't dispute with Corning in the eminence at- 
tained, 
Nor feel humiliated by advantage she has gained, 



KOI.DED HANDS. 315 

In filclnn', indirectly, from the pockets of her poor 
So large a sum of money, for enough lies at our door. 
Our ninety licensed places, which are open night and 

day. 
Have proven all sufficient to absorb the poor man's 

pay ; 
And we have shown our meanness by the way we 

work our street 
With money which his family needs, and make him a 

dead-beat. 



FOLDED HANDS. 

The world is full of prophets who are able to foresee 
The perils which confront us, and to tell what ought 

to be ; 
They sit at every cross-road, and in every country 

store. 
And stand in knots upon our streets, or go from door 

to door. 
And tell how churches should be run to keep them 

from a rut. 
And what destroys our commerce, causing factories to 

shut ; 
And tell, with much precision, what such times as 

these demand, 
While nineteen out of twenty rarely think to lend a 

hand. 



3l6 UNCLK ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

Say, brother, if you see it, why not lend your little 

mite 
To make the wrong conditions you ccmplain of nearer 

right? 
Instead of growing eloquent about what should be 

done. 
Work out an object lesson in at least the life of one ; 
Show what a pretty jewel some consistency may be. 
Worked into every-day affairs, where common folks 

can see ; 
And make your life as helpful as you think the times 

demand. 
By using what facilities you have at your command. 

If churches are not running as it seems to you they 

should, 
To be in your community the greatest power for good, 
There ought to be suggested to a person who is wise 
A remedy that's better than to simply criticize. 
And so about the evils of the city or the state, 
They're never any greater than the citizens create ; 
And they who want things better cannot issue their 

commands. 
With any great consistency, and sit with folded hands. 

If you have any grievance with the church or with 

the state. 
Do something more to help it than to simply execrate ; 
Your individuality should count for something more 
Than words of execration for the things which you 

deplore. 



FOLDED HANDS. 317 

It doesn't take a hero or a prophet to behold 

Some things in either church or state about which 

they can scold : 
It does require some courage of the better sort to stand 
For every form of righteousness, and lend a helping 

hand. 

It seems a little curious that any forms of vice 
Could meet with public favor, for a stipulated price. 
And gain the state's protection to a system which 

controls 
The action and the conscience of the people at the 

polls ; 
But no one need denounce it and complain of what 

they see, 
In all its carnival of crimes, and its debauchery, 
Until they cease their yielding to its clamorous de- 
mands. 
And offer more resistance than to sit with folded 
hands. 

And, brother, if some things occur you cannot quite 
approve. 

Or even fill with your distress, within the church you 
love. 

Would the Redeemer's kingdom be advanced in any 
wise 

If you should hold yourself aloof, and simply criti- 
cise? 



3l8 UNCLE ALVIN AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

To clearly see an evil may be half a victory, 

But courage will be needed to apply the remedy. 

If wrongs creep into church or state, their presence 

there demands 
That they should be ejected by some active, vigorous 

hands. 



THE SINGER AND THE SONG. 

It was not the voice of a seraph which stole, 

In cadence of song, through my ears to my soul, 

This bright Sabbath morning, with message so sweet 

The ages can only the story repeat ; 

But a voice wholly human (a voice, still, so dear 

That one may be pardoned for loving to hear). 

And the song and the voice were uniting to say 

That "Jesus is tenderly calling to-day.'' 

Ah ! "tenderly calling" but faintly express 

His infinite longing to help and to bless ; 

To stretch out His arm and deliver to-day, 

If only our answer shall tell Him He may. 

Then softly there came from the singer again. 

In the line of my thoughts, such a plaintive refrain, 

That "some one shall knock, when the doors shall be 

shut," 
And hear a voice answering ' ' I know you not. ' ' 



THE SINGER AND THE SONG. 319 

And I pictured a soul at the beautiful gate, 
Desiring to enter, and found it too late ; 
And fancied I stood where I plainly could see 
What a sad disappointment such answer must be. 
The singer went on, with my thoughts keeping pace, 
Through the mazes of music and marvels of grace, 
To "almost persuaded is only to fail," 
And "doom comes at last with its sad, bitter wail." 

These songs and these thoughts sent a wonderful 

thrill 
Of joy to my heart and of strength to my will. 
That, "tenderly calling" to me, I would say. 
Yes, gracious Redeemer, come even to-day. 
And make of my life what Thy wisdom shall see 
Is most for Thy glory and better for me, 
That when I shall come to the beautiful gate, 
A "welcome" shall greet me, instead of "too late." 



